To think a lot of “emotional intelligence” is just basic self-control?

[PoisedMintHiker]

People act like emotional intelligence is some rare gift. But at its core, isn’t it just being able to regulate yourself, listen to others and not act like a toddler when you’re upset? AIBU to think emotional intelligence is really just basic emotional discipline?

No because it also requires empathy and insight into the motives and experiences of others.

A key component of emotional intelligence is self-awareness. And scientific research indicates that only around 10-15% of humans are genuinely, deeply self-aware. I think that's where the rare gift theory comes from.

No, I don’t think so. I have a high degree of self-control, am highly competent socially, alert to other people’s emotions, etc and I’m good at understanding my own psychological quirks and motivations, but an episode of CSA left me completely cut off from my own body since childhood, and, despite specialist therapy, I’m only learning in my 50s how to effectively self-regulate, and not push myself on without paying attention to my feelings till I collapse.

I mean, I’m not weeping at work or throwing temper tantrums — the only person being taxed is me.