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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding hair disappointment

31 replies

takemetoyourdollshouse · 16/05/2025 13:31

I got married last month and hired a hair and make up person. I paid for two trials to make sure we had the hair style right. I wanted to make sure that, on the day, the hair lady knew exactly what she was doing and I didn’t have to worry / think about it too much. I knew the wedding morning would be fairly chaotic as we have small children. Here’s the thing, at both trials I made it clear I didn’t want any bits left loose at the front and so both times she styled it all the hair was swept back.

On the day itself I ended up with bits down at the front! there was so much going on that I didn’t really notice / correct it. I seem to recall her saying “is that ok” when she styled the front and I sad yes. So perhaps it’s my fault but there was just so much going on and we were quite pushed for time. Now we’ve had the photos back I keep focusing on the bits hanging down at the front - it’s just not what I wanted ! My hair is quite fine and by the time the ceremony had finished the bits at the front looked quite straggly. Also my hairline is quite high and I felt it exposed that. It’s annoying me as I feel the hair lady should have had in her notes exactly what she was doing especially after two trials- but is that annoyance misplaced?

We had a wonderful day etc so it didn’t ruin anything of course - it’s just irritated me as I feel I did all I could to avoid this. I wouldn’t say anything to her now, she’s lovely. It’s just an annoyance I need to shake off ! I also felt on the day I had to re explain the make-up a bit and that ended up not quite as it was in the trials either.

So, AIBU to think the hair lady should have done what I’d asked at both trials?

Thanks

OP posts:
Foodfiend2025 · 16/05/2025 13:33

There's not a lot you can do about it now unfortunately. Just don't recommend her services to anyone going forward. I'm sure you looked great and no one else would have noticed.

Original poster
takemetoyourdollshouse · 16/05/2025 13:37

Foodfiend2025 · 16/05/2025 13:33

There's not a lot you can do about it now unfortunately. Just don't recommend her services to anyone going forward. I'm sure you looked great and no one else would have noticed.

Thank you for your response, that’s kind. It’s true there is nothing that can be done now.

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 16/05/2025 13:40

I seem to recall her saying “is that ok” when she styled the front and I sad yes.

Well, there is the answer. No idea how you could be annoyed at her when she checked, and you said it was okay. That was your cue to say ‘no, could you please pull the front bits back’. You can’t absolve yourself of this, even if she didn’t specifically check, which she did according to you, then surely you need to look in a mirror at the end and request anything you don’t like be rectified before the job is finished.

Lapidarian · 16/05/2025 13:41

It sounds as if you were too stressed on the day to focus on whether you were satisfied with your hair? But now you have leisure to focus on it in the photos. I bet it looked great.

Crojo · 16/05/2025 13:42

YANBU, that is the whole point of having the hair trials. The same thing happened to me and I ended up with a different look to what I had chosen in the trials. She had also used very cheap hairspray during the trials but assured me she would use quality products on the day. She used the same cheap hairspray and my hair went solid and crispy at the front!
As the pp has said, there’s not much you can do now apart from not recommend her going forwards.

Agix · 16/05/2025 13:43

She asked you if it was okay. You said yes.

It's not her fault you weren't paying attention at the time.

Two trials or not, she's the one actually working and I bet she does loads of people's hair and has loads of preferences floating in her head. That's why she asked you if it was okay. That's why you need to say no if it isn't.

YABU.

CrushingOnRubies · 16/05/2025 13:53

Not a hairdresser but you said you wanted it loose at the front on the trials instead of scrapped back. To me down at the front is the same as loose.

also maybe she knew that fine hair comes undone quickly I know my fine hair does so had it scrapped back so that by the time the photos happen then it’s worked itself loose to an acceptable level

Original poster
takemetoyourdollshouse · 16/05/2025 14:03

Crojo · 16/05/2025 13:42

YANBU, that is the whole point of having the hair trials. The same thing happened to me and I ended up with a different look to what I had chosen in the trials. She had also used very cheap hairspray during the trials but assured me she would use quality products on the day. She used the same cheap hairspray and my hair went solid and crispy at the front!
As the pp has said, there’s not much you can do now apart from not recommend her going forwards.

How disappointing for you 😔there is a lot of pressure on that one day, isn’t there

OP posts:
Original poster
takemetoyourdollshouse · 16/05/2025 14:05

Thanks everyone for your responses, I appreciate it. It’s good to hear other viewpoints. It was all rather rushed on the morning itself which I hadn’t expected. Anyway, not end of the world stuff. Thanks all!

OP posts:
TENSsion · 16/05/2025 14:07

I understand your disappointment but in 30 years time, you’ll look back fondly at your youthful glow xxx

purplecorkheart · 16/05/2025 14:14

She asked you if it was ok and you said yes. Sorry I appreciate you were under pressure but this is on you. Did you not see the bits when you looked in the mirror. A glance in the mirror takes seconds.

I am not a hairdresser but assume they do not keep very detailed notes on updos etc.

It probably would have been better to have taken a photo of the hair for all angles at one on of the trials and showed the photos to her to refresh her memory.

I had a upstyle recently and was very happy with it. The hairstylist took loads of photos so if I ever go to another event and am getting my hair done she knows exactly what to do.

Original poster
takemetoyourdollshouse · 16/05/2025 14:18

TENSsion · 16/05/2025 14:07

I understand your disappointment but in 30 years time, you’ll look back fondly at your youthful glow xxx

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
takemetoyourdollshouse · 16/05/2025 14:19

purplecorkheart · 16/05/2025 14:14

She asked you if it was ok and you said yes. Sorry I appreciate you were under pressure but this is on you. Did you not see the bits when you looked in the mirror. A glance in the mirror takes seconds.

I am not a hairdresser but assume they do not keep very detailed notes on updos etc.

It probably would have been better to have taken a photo of the hair for all angles at one on of the trials and showed the photos to her to refresh her memory.

I had a upstyle recently and was very happy with it. The hairstylist took loads of photos so if I ever go to another event and am getting my hair done she knows exactly what to do.

Thanks for your response. She did take lots of photos at both trials from all angles for her own records and make notes. So I felt it was all under control! But yes, I could have said at the time, I take that point.

OP posts:
BigHoops · 16/05/2025 14:23

I understand your disappointment OP. Although I loved my wedding 'look' my dress strap was slightly too loose and kept slipping off. A small thing but it really bothered me especially after a lot of fittings!

I'll admit that the only time I have been fully assertive with a hair dresser was on my wedding day though - she was going with a style we'd agreed I didn't want so I said very plainly that this was NOT what I wanted! She was lovely about it, but yeah, I do remember thinking 'umm so we paid you that money for a trial so should I need to say this??'

I bet you looked beautiful and only you would have noticed.

IrritatedEarthling · 16/05/2025 14:38

I had similar. We trialled beforehand and picked a style. I expected her to remember what she had done, but she forgot, so asked me on the day what I wanted!

I tried to draw it in the air with my hands and describe it, and I ended up with something totally different, and which half fell out by the time we had photos.

There was no time to change it once she showed it to me, it was time to go to the church.

I also had the photographer do totally different pictures to what we had discussed, and the DJ playing stuff I had asked him not to.

We also run a wedding business, and we provide what people ask for by making a note before hand. It's not that hard.

katmarie · 16/05/2025 15:01

TENSsion · 16/05/2025 14:07

I understand your disappointment but in 30 years time, you’ll look back fondly at your youthful glow xxx

I've only been married 7 years and that's how I feel about my wedding photos. Apparently I've aged a lot in 7 years!

TENSsion · 16/05/2025 15:04

katmarie · 16/05/2025 15:01

I've only been married 7 years and that's how I feel about my wedding photos. Apparently I've aged a lot in 7 years!

Show quote history

Did you have children in those years by any chance 😂?

MsAnnFrope · 16/05/2025 15:07

katmarie · 16/05/2025 15:01

I've only been married 7 years and that's how I feel about my wedding photos. Apparently I've aged a lot in 7 years!

Show quote history

Me too and it’s been 10 years!

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 16/05/2025 15:28

You could get someone to professionally photoshop a few photos for your walls?

Original poster
takemetoyourdollshouse · 16/05/2025 18:04

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 16/05/2025 15:28

You could get someone to professionally photoshop a few photos for your walls?

That’s a really good suggestion, thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
takemetoyourdollshouse · 16/05/2025 19:07

IrritatedEarthling · 16/05/2025 14:38

I had similar. We trialled beforehand and picked a style. I expected her to remember what she had done, but she forgot, so asked me on the day what I wanted!

I tried to draw it in the air with my hands and describe it, and I ended up with something totally different, and which half fell out by the time we had photos.

There was no time to change it once she showed it to me, it was time to go to the church.

I also had the photographer do totally different pictures to what we had discussed, and the DJ playing stuff I had asked him not to.

We also run a wedding business, and we provide what people ask for by making a note before hand. It's not that hard.

Thank you for understanding and sorry to hear of your experience! My Understanding of the trial is so you don’t have to make decisions on the day! Hence why i paid £££ to have two trials as I knew I wouldn’t be in the best state of mind on the wedding morning for making decisions. It wasn’t like I walked into a random
hair dressers on my wedding morning and expected them to be mind readers! I’d had two 3.5 hour sessions with her and photos and messages etc exchanged.

We had similar with photos and music. Despite filling out a time consuming long form for the photographer with all the details and key photos we wanted / zoom meeting / telephone call all at her request she missed out some really key photos. Same with the band and the dj - I spent ages filling out their long forms with song preferences / style / songs not to play and they both just banged out “standard” wedding playlists not taking into account any of my requests.

So on the whole I feel a bit let down as these suppliers put a huge premium on their fee and I did expect a high standard for the amount charged. It should take away the stress of having to make lots of decisions on the day - even if they are small ones. On your wedding day there is a lot going on and the whole point is that you have outsourced hair and make up / music / photography etc for a reason.

OP posts:
ThatGreatMember · 16/05/2025 19:09

Foodfiend2025 · 16/05/2025 13:33

There's not a lot you can do about it now unfortunately. Just don't recommend her services to anyone going forward. I'm sure you looked great and no one else would have noticed.

NO! That is bang out of order. The OP said Yes it was fine when ask if all was ok. Fault lies with the OP, not the hairdresser.

Calliopespa · 16/05/2025 19:28

We can’t really help without photos op 😉

Zanatdy · 16/05/2025 19:45

Lots of people who can edit your photos and remove those whispy bits of hair.

Original poster
takemetoyourdollshouse · 16/05/2025 19:53

ThatGreatMember · 16/05/2025 19:09

NO! That is bang out of order. The OP said Yes it was fine when ask if all was ok. Fault lies with the OP, not the hairdresser.

Show quote history

That’s fine and I take the point. I wouldn’t recommend her to others for other reasons - it was her fault it was all rushed as she didn’t manage her timings well at all and didn’t leave enough time for the bridal hair and make up. But I wouldn’t complain or bad mouth her as I really liked her and wouldn’t wish her ill.

OP posts: