5 weeks pregnant, abortion

[Mummyofko]

Hi, new to posting here so not sure if this is the right place..

im 31, long term relationship with a 7 year old and 3 year old lovely children. After out 7 year old we suffered two miscarriages, one at 9 weeks and one at 20 weeks which was heartbreaking. We managed to try again and had our beautiful son. We both decided that was enough for us after all the trauma of losing the babies and a stressful pregnancy with our last before he thankfully was born. Also other factors like finances and that we’ve been trying/pregnancies and small children for the past 7 years. But this morning I found out I’m pregnant and I’m absolutely devastated but know in my heart I can’t carry on with the pregnancy as I’m filled with so much anxiety that it could happen again and lose the baby. I’ve been crying all day and just unsure how I’m going to over come this.
anyone in same situations or have any advice ? Xx

Sorry you feel this way. Losing a pregnancy (multiple) is very very hard. You've had 2 successful pregnancies, have you explored why you miscarried?

Not the same circumstances as you, but I had a termination when I fell pregnant for a third time. I was 42 and my DD has special needs. Both DH and I felt that a third child for us was not a good choice and I had a private termination with Marie Stopes. Never regretted it once.

Yes they done lots of tests but never found out why it happened, I was consultant led with my son and thankfully everything went okay. Just so afraid it could happen again and also don’t think I can cope mentally for 9 months fearing the worst. So sorry mugglewump but I’m glad you never felt regret, that gives me hope. When I had my son, my sister went through an abortion, she was further along than I am quite a bit but I witnessed how much it affected her and it’s the fear of guilt I have that’s making me doubt my decision.

I had a termination at 5w, that was 11 years ago. I never regretted it or felt anything about it afterwards. I think it helped me that I knew it was the right choice at the time. And I still think it was.

Thank you olika that gives me hope. I will be ringing the gp in the morning and starting the process. It’s the feeling of not wanting to be pregnant but not wanting an abortion that’s making me so sad 😞

I had an abortion 9 years ago at 6 weeks 1 day and I've regretted it ever since. But I only have 1 daughter and always thought I'd get another chance when the time was right and it never happened.

I had an abortion after having my DD. Sometimes feel sad about it but I’ve never regretted it. It was 100% the right choice for me and my family.

If you could be guaranteed a baby at the end of the pregnancy then would you still want to terminate?

If you are terminating because you don’t want a baby then that makes sense. But if you want the baby and are just terrified of losing it then you do need to speak to someone who can help you work all this through and make sure that it is the right decision for you. This is so tough. I don’t have any good advice. Just want you to know that I hope you manage to find an answer that you can be at peace with.

I think miscarriage and abortion are very different things. If you choose to terminate for reasons right to you, it won’t be anything like the sorrow of miscarriages which ‘happened’ to you and was not part of your plan. Do what’s best for you and your family now.

Thank you so much for all your replies.
i think it’s the fear of losing the baby but also because we decided we were done having children and this come as a complete shock, I made my peace with not having anymore. But mostly my fear of trauma if I were to lose the baby along the line it’s too frightening for me. I love children, and have a few friends pregnant at the moment I just don’t feel like this is the right thing for us as a family as it took a toll on me the last loss. I was also anxiety ridden in my last pregnancy for the whole 9 months, my daughter is 7 but my son has inly now turned 3 this week end so feel like they need me to be in a good mental state.

I think this is the question you should really think about OP. Don't let anxiety stop you having a baby - you can beat anxiety.

But if you could be promised a blissful, peaceful pregnancy and still don't want a third child - I think termination is completely fine.

But don't terminate if you want the baby, but are scared.

i agree with PP, if you’re certain you don’t want a third that’s perfectly fine.

But it sort of sounds like you do and only the fear of loss is making you consider an abortion? Which makes me think you’d regret it and wonder “what if”.

it’s a really hard choice and I hope you can find peace in whatever decision you make

I just wanted to show support. I’ve been through the same as you, three loses, one at 20 weeks and my son’s pregnancy (now 9 months old ) was consultant led. I have also decided I’m done having children. Partly because of the anxiety but I also have 2 step children that live with us half the time and 4 kids for us is just too many financially. If i were to get pregnant and wanted the baby and it was anxiety alone that was the deterrent, i would probably carry on with the pregnancy and seek some professional help x

I hope you get some clarity through this difficult time, thinking of you x

I think you need to wait a bit longer and speak to a counsellor if they have one at an abortion clinic or speak to your GP. I think partly why you’re thinking about abortion is so the decision is in your hands this time rather than a possible miscarriage happening which would be out of your hands.

really appreciate all your messages. I think if I ask myself that question I still think terminating is the right decision unfortunately. The stress, trauma but there is also other factors, financial being one of them as we’re trying to buy our first home. So overall I think it’s a hard decision but rhetorical right one in my heart and my partner agrees. I am lucky to have a lot of support from him and my family

Yes this is exactly what I’m feeling, couldn’t have said it better myself.

i am so sorry! It’s such a terrible thing. Thank you for your kind words xx