Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? 50:50 split

38 replies

Financialthymes · 15/05/2025 15:05

Just wondering if anyone can offer a new perspective or advice on this financial/relationship issue. For the last eight years I have worked part time and put all of my income into our joint account for mortgage, bills, childcare etc. In that time we had our DC so I’ve had two years of mat leave (not on full pay and with the last two
months unpaid). I am also the co-director of a company with him. He is self-employed.

Until my new job, DH would put money into the joint account, plus would pay the same amount to me from our business, straight into the joint account. So - three payments into the joint account each month - one from me and two from him. This has paid all bills etc but with little left over so we have used his credit card for incidentals, petrol and food shopping when needed. He gave me his credit card so I had it when out with the DC if we needed anything. I have now returned it to him as he kept saying that if I was a man and he was a woman it would be financial abuse.

I am now working full-time and have pretty much doubled my salary. My first pay will be at the end of this month.I will no longer be paid any money from the business.

DH has said that I am to put all of my income into the joint account and he will now pay £1000 into the account a month which is about £400 less than he was doing previously. We both have credit cards to pay off each totalling around £6000 each. I am also getting a golden handshake of £3000 for my new job which he has insisted goes on his credit card.

I suppose my issue is this I have worked over the last eight years, albeit with two years off for maternity leave which was paid in part by my employer. I just can’t shake the feeling that my husband could actually put more into the joint account each month so that we could pay 50-50, like we did pre-kids. I feel in a way like he is so annoyed he has had to support us financially that now it’s solely on my head.

He has said he can’t pay himself any more from the business because he doesn’t want to be taxed and that instead he will pay himself a dividend or two throughout the year, which he will give me some of to make it a little bit more equal.

Does this sound right? I just feel like I also have debts to pay off and I was really hoping to do that with the golden handshake money. I also need to buy a cheap car for my new job.

OP posts:
ForRealThisTime · 15/05/2025 15:10

Well stop working for his company if he isn’t going to pay you for a start.

MidnightPatrol · 15/05/2025 15:15

Why does he expect you to pay off his credit card? That is not reasonable.

Of the joint monthly expenses, what % are you now paying each, and what % of total household income do each of you earn?

magicstar1 · 15/05/2025 15:15

Can I just check this bit

So - three payments into the joint account each month - one from me and two from him.

If you were putting in money from your part time job, and also were being paid for being a director, then weren't two payments from you, and one from him?

Rhaidimiddim · 15/05/2025 15:16

The language you use seems to indicate that he is - and he thinks he has the right to be - calling the shots. The change in circumstance should involve a negotiation, not him deciding that you will give him £3000 to pay of HIS credit card (why not yours?), then put ALL your salary into the joint account so that he is £400 better off, but you have no disposable income.

Is he really demanding that you pay over all your income to him and the joint account?

Your salary is yours to do with as you like. This change in circumstances should leave you both better off in terms of a release of financial pressure and having more to spend on non-essentials. It sounds like he wants all the benefits for himself, and you should be grateful. Please don't let him force you into this arrangement.

HenDoNot · 15/05/2025 15:18

Were you “employed” by his business rather than actually being genuinely employed by his business.

Tiswa · 15/05/2025 15:19

Why on his credit card bill and not yours?

for me this would be unacceptable and a very clear chat about finances would follow

Daisydiary · 15/05/2025 15:20

I can’t understand why any of this is how it is. Why don’t you share everything?

Strawberriesforever · 15/05/2025 15:26

I’m assuming that since you say DH you are actually married? So really, all the money is family money and you’re just arguing over which pots it should be into - some of which are debts and some of which are more easily accessible to either you or to him.
With the credit card debts, are they all ok the same level of interest? It is helpful to pay off one then the other in terms of total interest paid? If not, then pay them off evenly so the debt is spread evenly across both of your names.
Shouldn’t you get dividends from the business too?
How much disposable income is reasonable for each of you to have per month to spend on whatever you like? You have debt, so it shouldn’t be high, but life is miserable if you feel like you can never have a coffee with a friend or buy a new pair of shoes. Would it make financial sense at the moment to allocate a hundred pounds or so each to your own discretionary spending then through everything else at wiping the debt? Why do you no longer get paid by the business? Are you no longer doing that work? Or was there never really any work as such anyway and it was just a way of splitting the pay across both of you for tax purposes? In that case does it make sense to stop or not?

BrownieBlondie01 · 15/05/2025 15:30

Why would you use your 3k to pay his credit card when you have your own to pay with an equal debt on it??

What is your DH living on if he's only paying himself 1k and that's all going into the joint?

Purpleturtle43 · 15/05/2025 15:31

Did you actually work for his company or were you just being paid by him to avoid tax?

Fruitbat99 · 15/05/2025 15:33

DH has said that I am to put all of my income into the joint account.

He can fuck right off with that attitude

GabriellaMontez · 15/05/2025 15:45

Do you have oversight of the company?

If so why doesnt he use a dividend to pay off his CC?

What if you say no?

I've not got a very clear picture of what his income is so it's hard to establish what is fair. However, his claim that you were financially abusing him by paying for your own children, is so ridiculous, that i suspect that somewhere he's taking the piss.

Chicken5ausage · 15/05/2025 15:54

Eh?

why all of your money into the joint account? Surely it should be proportionate to earnings.

the 3k can go on YOUR credit card.

Clownsy · 15/05/2025 16:08

Sounds like he wants to make sure he has oversight of every penny you have while you have little idea of his income?

Am I reading this wrong?

TryingToStayAwake88 · 15/05/2025 16:10

We put all of our money into one account and then pay everything from there. We're a team and share money rather than it being one person or the other. I'm a sahm but I facilitate my husband working so it's not his money but ours. We have a joint credit card which is paid off from our income. But it sounds like your husband doesn't believe in sharing or being part of a team. I think you need some decent conversations to agree how you work together rather than dividing up money. Or keep money seperate and start a fresh with this new start

ForOliveMember · 15/05/2025 16:17

The business is also yours? You are co director? Your name on the paperwork etc? So essentially he isn't hiding money from you?

Original poster
Financialthymes · 15/05/2025 17:30

Thanks for all your replies.

So I’m still a co-director of our business but I am no longer doing any work for the business so am no longer receiving any payment. My current full-time job is my only employment now. I don’t know what his monthly income is. He gets paid from several different agencies who commission his work. He is saying that he will put £1000 in to the joint account and after that he will have no money as the rest of his earnings will go into the business account for things like tax payments and then he will pay out some dividends throughout the year.

I will not be paying my earnings directly into the joint account. They are going into my personal account and then I will put in an amount that I feel is appropriate, otherwise I will have no savings of my own and no money to spend on things that aren’t for the family (clothing etc) however, I will end up putting in almost £1000 more than him each month.

He will throw an absolute fit if I tell him my £3000 will not be going on his credit card. I have been using it for petrol, food and stuff for our kids. I haven’t been buying myself stuff and treating myself to spa weekends! Which would be lovely, thinking about it.

He’s being a dick isn’t he? He also keeps saying things like ‘now that you’re working..’ completely forgetting that over the last 8 years I’ve had two kids, started a company with him AND worked part-time. It’s like he thinks I’ve been sat around doing nothing but using his credit card.

OP posts:
ForRealThisTime · 15/05/2025 17:52

Financialthymes · 15/05/2025 17:30

Thanks for all your replies.

So I’m still a co-director of our business but I am no longer doing any work for the business so am no longer receiving any payment. My current full-time job is my only employment now. I don’t know what his monthly income is. He gets paid from several different agencies who commission his work. He is saying that he will put £1000 in to the joint account and after that he will have no money as the rest of his earnings will go into the business account for things like tax payments and then he will pay out some dividends throughout the year.

I will not be paying my earnings directly into the joint account. They are going into my personal account and then I will put in an amount that I feel is appropriate, otherwise I will have no savings of my own and no money to spend on things that aren’t for the family (clothing etc) however, I will end up putting in almost £1000 more than him each month.

He will throw an absolute fit if I tell him my £3000 will not be going on his credit card. I have been using it for petrol, food and stuff for our kids. I haven’t been buying myself stuff and treating myself to spa weekends! Which would be lovely, thinking about it.

He’s being a dick isn’t he? He also keeps saying things like ‘now that you’re working..’ completely forgetting that over the last 8 years I’ve had two kids, started a company with him AND worked part-time. It’s like he thinks I’ve been sat around doing nothing but using his credit card.

Oh lovely, he’s being a total and utter arse. It’s not up to you to pay him back, this is just how families work. What is the ownership structure of the company?

Do what you can to keep the peace, but I’d be saving as much as you possibly can to give yourself some options.

GabriellaMontez · 15/05/2025 18:08

If he'll throw a fit at you paying off your cc then he sounds like a dick.

But without knowing what he's bringing in a month, it's very hard to know what's 'fair'. Perhaps he could show you the accounts.

And if he doesn't want to show you, then stop sharing details of your own finances with him.

Fruitbat99 · 15/05/2025 18:33

1k a month isn't even minimum wage if he's working full time, if he can't pay himself this then the business isn't viable.

I dont understand relationships where there's no clue of the others earnings.

Tiswa · 15/05/2025 18:44

So there is no transparency in money and no acceptance that food/petrol/kids stuff is his responsibility
that said the fact you went into debt over these as well says a lot

you need a long hard conversation about money incomings and outgoings

Rhaidimiddim · 15/05/2025 18:44

Financialthymes · 15/05/2025 17:30

Thanks for all your replies.

So I’m still a co-director of our business but I am no longer doing any work for the business so am no longer receiving any payment. My current full-time job is my only employment now. I don’t know what his monthly income is. He gets paid from several different agencies who commission his work. He is saying that he will put £1000 in to the joint account and after that he will have no money as the rest of his earnings will go into the business account for things like tax payments and then he will pay out some dividends throughout the year.

I will not be paying my earnings directly into the joint account. They are going into my personal account and then I will put in an amount that I feel is appropriate, otherwise I will have no savings of my own and no money to spend on things that aren’t for the family (clothing etc) however, I will end up putting in almost £1000 more than him each month.

He will throw an absolute fit if I tell him my £3000 will not be going on his credit card. I have been using it for petrol, food and stuff for our kids. I haven’t been buying myself stuff and treating myself to spa weekends! Which would be lovely, thinking about it.

He’s being a dick isn’t he? He also keeps saying things like ‘now that you’re working..’ completely forgetting that over the last 8 years I’ve had two kids, started a company with him AND worked part-time. It’s like he thinks I’ve been sat around doing nothing but using his credit card.

Agree. He's a dick.

Fruitbat99 · 15/05/2025 19:07

Rhaidimiddim · 15/05/2025 18:44

Agree. He's a dick.

Show quote history

A massive, tight arse, greedy dick.

Clownsy · 15/05/2025 19:12

He's being a dick.
He also is trying to control and financially abuse you.

If I were you I would gather every bit of paperwork regarding the business, banks, pensions ....everything and take photos and email to a safe account.

I wouldn't trust him.

Ask him why he wants you penniless.
Contact Women's aid for advice.
I think you need to protect yourself.

Harassedevictee · 15/05/2025 19:31

@Financialthymes the thing that would concern me the most is you being a co-director of the company. There are legal responsibilities for being a director and I have read of other wives/partners who have been fucked over by thinking it meant nothing so didn’t take time to understand the business, accounts etc.

As a co-director you need to ensure you are legally protected by having full knowledge of the business, don’t let him fob you off.