To think a grown man should be able to remember to lock the front door?

[Elisabeth3468]

So many times I come down in the morning and the front door is unlocked. My partner is the last to come home and goes the gym later in the evening and often I'm already in bed feeding the baby.
Do you think it's reasonable that he should remember to lock the front door? I sometimes message him to remind him but then I think he should be able to think for himself. But he doesn't.... he also leaves the lights on downstairs too which infuriates me. He's not generally a lazy person so it's not that.
Am I being over the top? I just get exhausted having to think for everyone. A toddler and a baby to care for and have to think for my partner too.

Until you get burgled.

None of this is going to get any better without talking to him.

You need to position yourself as someone who is worthy of respect, and whose time and energy matters as much as his do. And you need to find out why he is not doing these things and how much he cares about it. "He's just forgetful" or "I'll remember" is not really an answer, and it is also missing the most important bit which is the conversation about why. Every single time you just quietly do it for him, it slips a bit further down his priority list. There are things you can do to support exec function but it all starts with motivation. The advice for approaching these conversations with kids is often "be curious".

He doesn't remember those things because they're not important to him and he knows you will remind him again, a job that you can't tick off, sitting on your mind.

He needs to act like a partner who can be reliable and prioritise his family.

Very selfish.