Mum guilt… what would you do?

[Whapsh]

I’ve been in a corporate role since I was early twenties (now 39). When Dd was 1 she went to nursery four days a week. She’s now 2.5. I have recently got a new job and now working my notice period. I’ve got loads of holiday to take so in essence will have the next 3 weeks off, having already had 2 off already.

I’m enjoying the time off a lot and don’t want it to end… I would love to just not do much other than exercise, eat better and of course spend more time with Dd.

My new job is supposed to start end of august and I’m feeling so conflicted. DP doesn’t earn what I do and if I did this I would be eating into savings (have over 50k). It sounds like a lot but I’d need to withdraw 1,500 a month in combination with dp’s income to make it work.

Not sure what to do. Don’t think the job would let me take part time hours and feel massively cheeky to ask to start January 2026..

Sorry, I'm unsure what your question is? Are you asking if you should try and get work between finishing your current job and starting your new job at the end of August? Or not start the new job at all? What was your original plan?

It feels great at the moment as the weather is so good and this is probably a much needed break for you.
It's probably a bit of anxiety about the new job, starting somewhere new and maybe knowing you will soon be working hard again and you are just happy now.

I think we have all felt like this, but unfortunately it's not reality and we have to work to fund these moments.
Why not ask if you can start the new job in 7 weeks time instead, but they will no doubt be desperate for you to start, and maybe they need you to get a handover of sorts.
Don't put it off x

Could you negotiate to go down to 4 days per week and have Fridays off so you get a long weekend every weekend? I do this - I love it and it gives me a much better work life balance.

I wouldnt give up work completely and eat into savings if thats what youre asking? And no I very much doubt the new role would allow 8 months leave, they'd still have to employ another candidate in the mean time and then why would they need you?
You can speak to the new role about potentially going part time maybe dropping one day a week. I also only do 4 days so I get a long weekend and its great work life balance. They can obviously say no, in which case I would honestly just continue as you are. You've been doing it all this time and if you want this new role then thats the obvious choice. If you absolutely want to cut your hours then looking for another job with suitable hours is the only way.

What is your actual question?

If you can afford to go part time then absolutely do it! Childhood years pass quickly.

I felt really guilty when I had my eldest, he was the first child to be dropped off at the daycare in the morning and one of the last to be collected at the end of the day, then I was straight home trying to get dinner made etc, and then it was his bedtime, so during the week I basically spent no time with him.

When I had my second child I dropped my hours, so I worked three full days and two half days, the difference was amazing and I so wished I’d done it sooner.

I’d contact the new place and see if they would let you work part time, the worst they can do is say no, but they’ve already been through the recruitment process and if they do they could risk you rescinding on your acceptance and they’d have to go through the process all over again. Unless of course, there is absolutely no way that role could be fulfilled on part time hours.

Alternatively, could you ask if your current role could be part time, and if they say yes then retract your notice?

If you can afford it do it.

I’m 44 and my children are 18 and 16 but I gave up my full time, very pressured high level director position a year ago and it’s been one of the best decisions of my life.

I’m in a position where my wife and I (same sex couple for context because I know it’ll be assumed otherwise) can afford for me to do this however we have massively adjusted our lifestyle to make it work and neither of us regret it for a second.

Our second child has additional needs so at 16 still requires a lot of support and it’s also given me the time to recover from a toxic work environment, get fit, eat well and most importantly of all be there for my whole family - actually present and not grabbing time here and there while still feeling totally stressed.
It’s also made me reevaluate my whole career and in Sept I’ll be embarking on my masters degree full time, something I’ve always wanted to do.

Time waits for no one. So if you can still pay the bills I’d 100% go for it.

Doesn’t seem like much of a debate here, OP. You can’t live on one income so you can’t – decision made. Enjoy the time you have off and get back to work.

I wouldn’t take myself out of the workforce in any situation. Unless I had no choice due to health or couldn’t get a job. It has a long term impact on your pension and sets you up as the default parent as well as house and life admin monkey.

do you not think you’d be unfulfilled in a few months and would you then be able to find a job as good as the one you have lined up easily?

Keep your job.

One day your daughter will be at school, grown up, left home. What will you do with yourself then?

I left the corporate world when dd was 2 and ds 4. I'd planned it with my husband for a while, he upped his hours to FT, worked hard on getting a new higher paid job and focussed on his career. I think if it's your long term plan (I knew it was always going to be me at the school gate at 3pm for example, rhat was the dream for my family) then put steps and plans in place, maybe it's PT work somewhere else, maybe its savings, maybe its downsizing the house - whatever makes it work for you and your family. I wouldn't just not go to your new job and hope for the best.
Do also think about the reality, I do now run my own small business as they're old enough to have some more time, but we stopped having a cleaner, Gardner and nanny and I picked it all up, I still do most house work and emotional labour and juggle my business with childcare. I also remember really missing adults, work clothes, buying a Pret - random stuff! I also remember the shock of someone at a party saying "what do you do?" And feeling utterly lost saying "just the kids really". So remember what you lose as well as what you gain.
I do feel massively privileged that my husband supported the change, that we could afford it and I've had the chance to be with them every school day, birthday, friend fall out, reading level increase etc etc, it's worth it but you do have to plan for it and sacrifice things for it, if it's what you really want.
Take the time between now and August to draw up your lives as dd grows older and build a plan that works financially, emotionally and for all of you

Is possible to find a part time role maybe 3 days a week?

I am the same age with a daughter the same as yours. Just before she turned 2 I dropped down from my management role to an overnight team leader working 2 nights a week. I have hated being away from her, it has caused my postnatal depression and anxiety to get worse. Myself and my daughter are much happier. I didn’t have any savings to fall back on either as my husband had just started his own business. It’s all been worth it.