Is abortion the right choice

[Nonamesneeded]

I never expected to be in this situation. After developing fertility issues, this pregnancy is a complete shock. Also, lesson learned—don't trust the withdrawal method!

My partner and I are both in our mid-30s, and I’m currently about two weeks pregnant. We have two kids already, aged 8 and 11, and a mortgage. We're a working family, managing okay but really struggling to save. We just about managed to take our first ever family holiday because there's never a lot of extra money to spare. It makes me feel like we're risking opportunities for our 2 children.

Right now, I’m struggling to see how we could afford another child. We’re not eligible for extra financial support, and we don’t have much of a support system to lean on. I also feel like I’m barely keeping up with the household duties as it is. Just when I started to feel like I was getting a little bit of my life back, outside of being a mom and managing the house, this curveball lands.

my relationship with my partner can be rocky at times, and it makes me feel even more unsure. But we’ve always been on the fence about whether we wanted a third child. We’ve talked about it but never really found the “right” time and then decided no! —and now, here we are, pregnant with a third. Logic is telling me to end the pregnancy, but my heart is saying we’ll figure it out if we keep it.

It’s a tough place to be in right now. And neither of us know what to do

We'd really appreciate to hear some thoughts

No one can tell you that, not even your partner.

You have to take a decision that’s right for you.

Wish you luck!

Could you access some face to face counselling where you can explore your feelings more?

BPAS or MSI (formerly Marie Stopes) can offer you some confidential space to talk and are impartial. Be careful of some services that are backed by religious organisations as they can push a particular agenda rather than helping you come to the conclusion that is best for you.

Wishing you well 💐

https://www.bpas.org/abortion-care/considering-abortion/advice-and-counselling/

https://www.msichoices.org.uk/?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=8488018034&gbraid=0AAAAACkOrDgrI2ATWyhlH6ZJqnIW711mQ&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIgbzzjvKkjQMVEY1QBh30xgW-EAAYAiAAEgKynPD_BwE

Obviously it's up to you!

Personally, I think it's wrong.

If your heart is telling you no, then listen.

Seems there are logical reasons to terminate, especially the money and relationship issues and risk of being single with financial challenges with a small DC (vs just two older ones)

You say ‘partner’ not ‘husband’, if not married it’s important that you prioritise your personal earning ability - would you be able to work full time with DC3?

So, should you have another child in a rocky relationship when you can only just afford to support the two you have, are just starting to get your life back, and have no support network? It’s a no-brainer ‘terminate’ to me, but, obviously, your choice.

And for God’s sake, withdrawal isn’t a contraceptive method!

Oh @Nonamesneededthis feels a real challenge - the theory is so much different from the reality…

Would it help to consider your feelings if you were to lose the baby naturally? Would you be happy? Sad? Relieved?

maybe that can help you come to a decision about whether abortion or continuing the pregnancy would be right for you?

This ^^
If your relationship is sometimes rocky, dont dig a deeper hole for yourself.
Get yourself down to the clinic asap.

Rationally I can see the logic behind a termination. However I can also see the emotional side, I personally would really struggle with the what if in this situation. If having a third is something yous have talked about previously then its not out of the realm of what you envisioned for your family. Really tough decision sorry OP. I feel most people from threads always regret not having a third rather than having them.

This must be so hard. I don’t think I could have an abortion now I have kids (I did when I was young and obviously still 100% support everyone’s right to choose) so if I was you I’d just try and make the best of it. It’s your choice though - there’s no right answer.

I think if you're having to ask "is it the right choice" to strangers on the internet then you need to speak to a professional (with experience in counselling/GP).

If it were me, I absolutely would. No question. I don’t think it would feel like an easy thing to do, but for me in those circumstances I would do it. But I can’t speak to what you should do. All best wishes xxx

I think in your shoes I'd terminate. We are biologically programmed to want babies...but plenty of women hugely regret having a baby / another baby.

For me, the practical reasons would outweigh the emotional ones, as I wouldn't want to make a decision that has the potential for significant practical consequences (eg financial issues) just because I felt sad about a termination. I'd feel more sad if my older two were missing out, if we ended up splitting and I became a single parent etc

Difficult situation OP, I can relate as we are also unsure on a 3rd although our 2 are much younger. Only you can decide really!

My only additional info is that there is additional support available than you’d of had with your first 2. Children get 30 funded hours of child care per week from 9m old when both parents work. This is only term time though (or 22 hours per week all year) but term time may suit you if you’re already managing terms with the older 2.

Good luck, let us know what you decide if you feel comfortable to!

if you can't afford it and you already feel like you're struggling to stay above water, then I wouldn't have the baby. It sounds like it would overstretch you and be unfair on your existing children. Plenty of people regret having had a baby, whether it's their first or third or tenth, it's just taboo to acknowledge.

Whatever you do, please don't pay notice to the people who say 'you'll never regret the baby you have': it's utter nonsense. It's your body and life, do what makes most sense for you and listen to your gut. But tbh with what you've said, you can't afford to do it and all three kids have the standard of life you want for them.

Could you cope as a single mum of three children if your relationship ended?

I think I’d terminate- sorry I don’t sign up to the listen to your heart when you have two other children. You don’t make life harder for them by choice- just my opinion.

I would terminate. Your DC are about to become a lot more independent.

Nobody on the Internet can tell you what to do. I personally wouldn't abort, but I am not you.

Being practical 2 weeks pregnant is so early you can only just pick it up on the early pregnancy tests, so no missed period etc? So you have time to make a decision that's right for you.

A third child will not bring you anything that you don’t already have with the two existing ones.
Your relationship is rocky, you have money worries. This for me would be a no brainer.

My DH and I decided that if I were ever to become pregnant again, we would terminate.

We have two children 7 and 6 and couldn't afford to have any more children.

Thank you to everyone that responded! Even the ones that were patronising. 😊