Why am I going back to this therapist again?

[MyKeenAquaPlayer]

I have had mental health issues for 30 years. Only managed to get some support when overseas (paid for) and since returning 8 years ago I've had some support of the NHS.

I have always been deemed to complex for everyone so gone to a high level of support. Was supposed to start therapy on 2020 but left the area so had to be referred to different trust as I needed community mental health team referral (I live in big city in North West).

I saw the therapist who said at the second session I'm not suitable and I'm the problem and I don't want to change. She also asked for the jobs of my siblings, which I refused to give (I have more than 5 siblings).

So if I was kicked from therapy to get back onto on the circle of being assessed by different services and everyone saying I was too high needs. I eventually got 10 talking therapies in 2021.

I got pregnant and was under parental who kicked me of despite me calling crisis team many times, not bonding with baby and husband leaving. I also had constant compulsions. Post Natal was really tough hormonally for me.

To which I was referred to cbt. After four sessions she said it wasn't really helpful for me and I would be referred to level 3, which is back to the person who kicked me of before.

So I have raised this with the person who called me because the issues are still the same as before, nothing has changed and I was already kicked of that therapy. There are apparently other therapists but I've been offered an immediate appointment with this lady who I despise which I've turned down or wait for another session, date unknown.

Aibu to have concerns as to why I've been referred back to a service I was refused treatment before and if it can happen again.

Ive been told I'm unreasonable for raising this concern. And I'm honestly scared.

What are you looking for with therapy? What suits you best? Could you go private with the same style that you had overseas that helped you?

No I can't afford it, it's subsided by the government, here it's not.

I have a personality disorder where I feel like no one likes me and I have no friends and don't speak to my family as they don't invite me to weddings, what's app family group etc. all signs they don't like me. I find it really hard to form bonds with people. Etc

I just spoke to my mum about it and she said um being unreasonable and whatever happened before is in the past

I'm sorry to hear about that xx
It is hard with personality disorders. It'd really disappointing you've been ping ponged back to a practitioner you don't feel comfortable with though
How about group DBT and solo DBT? Practical, hands on work to learn new behaviours

I've done dvt

Dbt

With any kind of health issue you have to be on board - doesn't matter if it's mental or physical. Or whether the treatment is drugs, therapy, physio or other you as the patient have to engage with it.

eraputic

Sorry don't know what you mean

Do you have bpd by any chance mh services will do allsorts to not have you on their books.

Edit Just seen you do. I have it to and the crap iv had to go through to get help compared to others is unbelievable. Bpd stigma in the nhs is very real

It sounds like you need psychiatric support but unfortunately mental health services are in a woeful state at present. Could you afford a private psychiatrist who specialises in EUPD?