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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

It's a Father's Day one. AIBU re FIL?

3 replies

Iliketowearmyimacintherain · 14/05/2025 21:00

I am sitting here thinking of something nice to do for my DH on Father's Day because he is a very good husband and father, and he deserves it.

Last year we asked FIL (and MIL) if he would like to join us for a nice meal out, our treat. We don't live too far away from each other. We were quite taken aback by his answer which was thanks, but I prefer to spend Father's Day with my DD and her fiance.

Then we again asked MIL if she wanted to join us on Mother's Day, and we got the same response.

Now, I always knew that my PIL favoured my SIL over my DH, but this has taken it to a whole new level. They don't usually vocalise it, it is more actions.

The way they treat my lovely DH is quite awful and my teen DC think its pretty shitty too. It's also like a vicious circle. They favour SIL, he feels crap and takes a bit of a step back, then they moan that he doesn't pay them enough attention, and he gets put on the naughty step. There is no way I would put up with this kind of manipulation in my own family.

On one hand it is none of my business, but on the other my DH has always has my back and I don't really care who they are, I just don't like seeing him mistreated.

My DH can sort out a card and present (I usually just get 2 of what I am sending my own dad as they have the same hobbies and interests), but I am not doing it. Also, they have blown him off twice now so I don't think he should go begging to be thrown a fish. Send FIL a card, and that's that. I certainly am not making a cake, arranging lunch and anything else for people who treat my DH like crap and spend time with us with a cats bum face, but wont actually say what the f*ck someone has done.

AIBU to say, no they are not ruining Fathers Day again. Have a lovely time with your DD, we will crack on us and the DC doing something fun.

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 14/05/2025 21:13

YANBU

Make Fathers day about DH, FIL can go to hell, let him go to his darling DD, you make you DH's Fathers day (and every single one from this day forward) all about him and his family, you and your DC. Your his family unit, your all the matters.

When PIL moan next time about anything, tell them to fk off back to their golden child, their DD. Match their energy. never have time for them, even if they offer it, beg for his time - ah sorry I've got to wash my cats litter box tonight, then i have to watch the paint dry on the shed, I don't have the time for you.

I'm angry for your DH. His parents are dicks.

Endofyear · 14/05/2025 22:53

If that's what they've said, I would leave them to it to spend their time with SIL. That would include birthdays, Christmas, holidays and any other family celebrations. Let DH get him a card if he wants to but I would make no effort with them whatsoever and if they asked I would tell them what I think about the way they treat their son. Plan something lovely for you DH and the kids to do on Father's Day and let him know how much you all love and appreciate him.

Iliketowearmyimacintherain · 15/05/2025 06:56

Thank you

Its hard. My own family aren’t perfect, but they don’t play games and manipulate like this.

I feel like I’m joining in the drama by retaliating, but then feel like an enabler when I sit there and watch my DH hurt when he asks them to join us. Can’t win really.

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