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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a bad idea?

23 replies

SunnySkyBlue · 14/05/2025 20:44

I know I'm probably being unreasonable but recently my ex (broke up more than 3 years ago) has popped into my head a bit and I've begun thinking I wonder how he is, wonder what he's up to, just curious. We live quite a bit apart in different cities in Scotland so haven't seen each other. He ended the relationship, out of the blue, didn't love me, etc., was quite nasty really. During the relationship he was critical and belittling at times and afterwards a couple of friends thought he was arrogant. He did have good points though. I was heartbroken for ages but am happy now, being single, wouldn't want to get back together.

It would probably be a bad idea to send an email saying I hope he's well and how are things?

OP posts:
HeatedBlanketAllYear · 14/05/2025 20:47

Yes that’s a bad idea. Don’t do it. Nothing good will come of it.

Smelltherain · 14/05/2025 20:48

I'd leave it, the guy left you , was nasty , bit of a bully and arrogant

JoyousEagle · 14/05/2025 21:00

Don’t do it. Step away from the email. No good Dan come from this.

Katemax82 · 14/05/2025 21:01

JoyousEagle · 14/05/2025 21:00

Don’t do it. Step away from the email. No good Dan come from this.

Wonder if he's called dan

Bunnyisputbackinthebox · 14/05/2025 21:02

If the shoe was on the other foot wouldn't you think Booty Call?

intergalacticplanetary · 14/05/2025 21:25

Terrible idea. Step away from the email.

Goditsmemargaret · 14/05/2025 21:29

Don't

NuffSaidSam · 14/05/2025 21:32

Terrible idea!

Delete his email from your records.

taupeskies · 14/05/2025 21:35

If you’re in a good place, talking to someone like that will only send you backwards. Keep moving forward

HouseCaptain · 14/05/2025 21:37

Don’t go back to something rotten - it doesn’t get better with time.

EnjoythemoneyJane · 14/05/2025 22:05

So basically, ‘shall I put my hand back in this fire? I’m sure it’ll be less burny than last time’.

Why in holy hell would you want to reconnect with this person? To reminisce about all the great times when he was arrogant, belittling, critical, nasty and broke your heart?

You’re kidding yourself about your motives, OP, and you’re unlikely to get closure or validation or whatever it is you’re looking for. Leave him behind and move on.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 14/05/2025 22:06

Why would you even consider this? He's not interested, he was nasty, he binned you, he hasn't been in touch...are you that desperate for a bloke?

yeesh · 14/05/2025 22:10

Don’t do it! No good can come from contact with him

feathermucker · 14/05/2025 22:17

Why on earth would you do this after the way you’ve described him?! No good can come of this.

BrieOnToast · 14/05/2025 22:21

And if he ignores you? First you'll be excitedly waiting for a response, then you'll feel deflated but still a little hopeful, then you'll feel totally worthless, then you'll be embarrassed that you humiliated yourself in this way, then after some time, you'll get back to normal.

Or you could skip that awful roller coaster, not email him and be your normal and happy self the whole time.

randomchap · 14/05/2025 22:43

Why would you want to? What outcome are you looking for?

I can't see a single positive that could come out of this

Endofyear · 14/05/2025 22:44

Are you a glutton for punishment OP? He was nasty to you and ended the relationship out of the blue and said he didn't love you? Why on earth would you be wondering how he is? Why on earth would you ever want to have contact with him again? Give your bloody head a wobble and get on with your life!

CarpetKnees · 14/05/2025 23:10

Not sure what the AIBU question is, so which way to vote.

But agree with everyone else. It would be a terrible idea.
Delete his e-mail address and number and move on.

So, YANBU to state it is a bad idea
YWBVVVVU to contact him.

MounjaroMounjaro · 14/05/2025 23:17

You'd be crazy to do this. On the off chance he's single (or doesn't mind cheating) think of his smug little face when he realises that no matter how badly he treats you, you've come back for more.

I understand you're lonely, and I'm so sorry, but this is not the person to help you here. He was horrible to you. If you get back with him now he'll be horrible again, safe in the knowledge you'll put up with anything.

Original poster
SunnySkyBlue · 15/05/2025 04:38

Thanks, everyone - the general consensus is it's a bad idea. I knew it really but I suppose the passage of time still doesn't excuse his treatment of me.

OP posts:
Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 15/05/2025 04:46

I think some people have at some point felt this way about an ex. But honestly do not do it. He also sounds horrible. I’ve actually done this and it’s been done to me. Both were not pleasant, didn’t achieve anything other than stir up bitter feelings. Keep yourself distracted until the urge is over.

EdinLon1 · 15/05/2025 07:18

Yes, bad idea. No good can come of this. You're happy so stay that way. Sounds like you'd a lucky escape so leave him in tbe past

Original poster
SunnySkyBlue · 15/05/2025 10:31

EdinLon1 · 15/05/2025 07:18

Yes, bad idea. No good can come of this. You're happy so stay that way. Sounds like you'd a lucky escape so leave him in tbe past

Yes, I did feel I'd a lucky escape and I am happy now so I won't jeopardize this

OP posts:
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