To think that abusers never change

[OrangeCrushes]

My ex was coercively controlling to me and dismissive of /manipulative towards our child.

I left 5 years ago.

Last year, he assaulted my child. SS and the police didn't care and believed his claim that it was a lie perpetrated by me - at least, they believed it enough to close the case and tell me that the main issue was that I needed to encourage the father / child relationship.

In recent months, the father has been less toxic and seems to be treating our child better. He is possibly even slightly less nasty to me, though only just.

AIBU not to trust this?

YABU - people change and maybe he's better now
YANBU - this is all a facade and you are right to be afraid

Does he pay child support? Fathers often try for primary residence once the child is old enough to choose, in order to reduce child support payments. He might be playing the long game in the hope kiddo falls for his tricks and wants to live there.

Whatever the reason, don't ever let your guard down. He could be receiving therapy or medication which has taken the edge off his temper, but these types never change.

Courts and social services absolutely do re traumatise victims by gaslighing them and forcing ongoing contact with the abuser. Even paedophiles and violent men have been awarded contact rights by courts. Forcing someone to hand their child over to an abuser is a mindfuck like no other.

And then she could very well get the child taken off her.

They obviously CAN change, they just rarely do.

I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years. He’d been abusive to his previous partner and I know he bit the ear off his next partner, which was worse than anything he’d done to me. He just escalated. I see pictures of him and his current wife of 14 years and I just wonder what things she’s had to endure. Behind the smiles and family photos, I wonder what is happening.

I initially saw those pics and thought of how happy she looked and thought he must’ve changed but when my marriage broke down 2 years ago, the first bloke to approach me was that same ex, he’d messaged me within 2 months telling me how amazing I looked. I mean ffs!!! I ignored him, what a fucking tosser.

@OrangeCrushes my bastard ex flung my newborn across the room

I refused access

I told all agencies what he did and it was not safe for him to be alone with her

I had to

If a man did this to a child is this not good enough reason to say hang on this must be supervised wtaf

Strangling a child ?!!!! Ffs