Should I try homeschooling or unschooling?

[WavyRavey]

Does anyone homeschool?

Since going back from the last half term my sons behaviour has really changed, he had such a good year and now everything is going backwards

I don't know if it's hormones kicking in at 7 nearly 8, he's got so much rage and its so hard to calm it down, when he is at home he is mostly fine, school is making it worse. This holiday was fine some little tantrums but going back to school he's totally changed. He throws things, has hit out at other kids and is currently only in from 9 til lunchtime

He has all the coping things but forgets them or they don't work, doesn't like headphones, doesn't like the loop earphones, has brain breaks often cos he can't sit still, even at home he is outside most of the time biking up and down, climbing, scootering! We are up the park every single day of the week for hours so he can get some energy out

He has not been diagnosed though everyone knows he is on the spectrum, as he was in an assessment room with 2 adults he was totally fine!

I am unable to drive so I worry if we try homeschooling he will be bored, as much as he'd like to be gaming or up the park all day he has to learn too, ideally it'd be small trips and things but I can't travel super far. I'm so worried he's going to end up behind everyone else, he was full time but is back down to leaving at midday again.

Does anyone have any advice? I feel like an absolute failure, after everyone being so proud of how far he's come 😭 would it be unreasonable to homeschool? I asked him how he felt and he said "maybe but not forever"

Can you learn to drive?

What is the school doing to help?

Do you WANT to home educate?

Would you feel isolated at the park for hours with no adult company?

He is a square peg in a round hole. Just because school is the "norm" it really does not mean it suits everyone. Clearly it is not working for him.

Research home schooling carefully; find local home school groups; look at other activities where he can socialise (cubs, sports, arts etc.) and if it all stacks up and you feel you can do it - then do it!

Have you looked at not fine in school or HEFA on Facebook? Both are good places to start I would say.

Have you been and spoken to school about it? Before going down the home schooling route I would talk to the school. Moving schools might be something to consider.
He may not have a diagnosis but there are support services for emotional/behavioural issues that can be accessed with schools help

He has an EHCP and the school are honestly so accommodating and helpful that I really don't want him to entirely lose his place there, they even drive him home on the half days! Just we thought we'd see an improvement but it's just gotten worse.

I'm unable to learn to drive due to a medical issue unfortunately and I don't think we could afford two cars anyway.

I'm not sure if I want to home educate, but for his mental health I will do anything. As for being up the park for hours we already are every day 😂 I'm quite used to it.

I contacted a charity I am waiting to hear back from that also puts you in touch with CAHMS I think it's called, the GP flat out said he doesn't qualify for therapy, though he himself had asked for it.

He has an activity group he does every week but even that he's struggling a bit at the moment and disrupting everyone else.

The problem is he does need to learn and some of that almost inevitably involves sitting down at a table or other spot where you can read a book and write in a book and concentrating. If he finds that horribly frustrating I think it’s easier to share that difficulty with school rather than take it all on yourself with homeschooling.
If he can handle the situation relative stillness and concentration but just not in the way school requires (eg. We sit and read with you, will do maths homework lying on the floor but not sitting at a table) then homeschooling might work well.

Does he have ADHD? Doesn’t he need medication?
can you not get a referral to CAMH for that? From what you say he sounds extremely hyperactive and that jumps out much more than ASD.

It sounds like the current school aren’t able to meet his needs. Although I am very much in favour of home Ed when it’s right for all involved from the limited information posted I’m not convinced that’s the best option and I think if you go down that route it may be very difficult to get him back into school.

I would talk to the school about calling an emergency EHCP review with a view to finding a different setting which is better suited to his needs, or changing the current plan to help the current setting meet his needs. If no schools can meet needs you could look at applying for an EOTAS package for him.

I have a similar aged son and every parent of a boy that age I know has experienced a sudden and marked change in behaviour. Grumpy, angry, etc. Turns out they have a hormone change and surge in testosterone around the age of 8.

A lot of us have also noticed that they are starting to smell.

I agree with Sirzy. The school may be lovely and supportive but that doesn’t mean they can meet need. Maybe some alternative provision alongside school? Definitely ask for an emergency review and check out the IPSEA website for support.

You might want to also put your query on the Home Ed board.

Is school mentally overstimulating for him? Either way, if he is throwing things and hitting others (even on a part-time school basis), he isn't happy. That might be because he's not built to sit down all day, apart from morning break and lunchtime.

Can you get him to sit down and do academic work at home, e.g. on his half-days with school? Perhaps try it with regular active breaks in between different subjects. You can buy curriculum packs that mirror the sort of things that he would be doing in school (and, again, the Home Ed board would be useful for suggestions here). If you could get him to do that, and he can keep up with the work, he wouldn't fall behind academically.

Do you have a Home Ed group local to you? That way, he can participate in different activities, providing that you can get there if they're too far to walk (e.g. public transport or lifts).

You are not a failure, and neither is your son. Try not to care about what everyone else thinks (I appreciate that it's difficult!) and do what is right for your son.

I don’t think you will do him any favours by removing him from school. He needs to learn how to function in society and sheltering him away will probably lead to one very isolated, miserable teenager with lots of mental health problems. I would keep him in school and seek support with working through the issues

I homeschooled my children through elementary school, and it's probably more doable than you imagine for that age group. I'd say it could be worth a try for 6 months or a year, and then reassess.

If you decide to try, I would avoid two things. One is online classes that supposedly do it for you, these are really popular now. They are expensive and not effective for that age group. The second is, don't get too caught up in what he is supposed to be doing in school, just try to make steady progress.

The main "sit down" subjects are going to be math, reading, and writing. You can likely get those done in a few hours a day, and it doesn't need to be all in one go. There are some really good programs out there for home education. Besides that, there are lots of great activities to support history and science learning, plus lots of physical activity.

If you can get out on the bus that's great, but if not, do some group activities on weekends and evenings and stick to neighbourhood things during the daytime. There is likely more to do than you realize.

I'm not really sure, as we had an assessment and they said he's absolutely fine and nothing is going on but something clearly is. He is VERY active, can be very loud and silly, repeats noises a lot, but he can also concentrate on games or reading and sometimes be quiet as a mouse, it's all very confusing honestly.
I wouldn't medicate for that anyway tbh the meds for kids thing makes me feel very iffy, he has rescue remedy for school that helps IF he remembers to take it, we have tried cbd but he flat out refuses to take it cos it tastes like licking a tree stump (fair)

I'm wondering if this is what's happening to him, he has recently started sweating under the arms and that's never happened before

I mean, I was a miserable isolated teenager AT school so I think anything and everything can cause that tbh

Thank you that's actually very helpful as I was looking dubiously at some of the online things earlier and thinking these are going to add up every quickly!

I am concerned about the poll results. "Unschooling" is one of the worst things you can do for a child. It's akin to no education at all. If you want to home school, make sure you follow and accredited program.

OP, you say he games and that he has a lot of rage. Could it be that the games he plays are very addictive, such as Fortnite? Does he get especially angry when it's time to put the games away?

Because in that case you might be dealing with addiction rather than anything neuro-diverse.

This was my first thought.

From what you’ve written adhd or sensory difficulties scream out.

problem is when a child has the cognitive ability to know they aren’t complying with what’s expected but not the brain wiring it affects their MH massively. That often then presents as anger. They are frustrated because they know they can’t manage what’s expected of them and they feel like a failure and in turn they then don’t see the point in trying when they know they’ll fail.

It’s not because they are failing - it’s because they don’t have the right environment for them.

My advice would be to calm an emergency AR of his EHCP. Get the people around the table to say what he needs to support him and if school can’t meet need (that doesn’t mean they don’t want to and won’t try but the environment is t right for your DS) you may need to start looking at specialist schools set up for children with his needs.

I wouldn't withdraw him as LA will be harder to hold to account to get his EHCP implemented.

The other option to look into is an EOTAS package where he is educated otherwise than in school. So tutors come to the house, OTs come etc.

So. Not. True.

Il an ex primary teacher and I unschool my DC and I can assure you they are getting an excellent education. They are most definitely not on an ‘accredited program’ but learn via their own interests and through living life. It’s difficult to understand when you have been conditioned to believe that learning can only happen in the classroom with a teacher but I can assure you children are programmed to naturally want to learn if they are unforced. They are naturally curious and love learning.

@WavyRavey op if you have any questions I can answer them for you. I would recommend joining the HEFA (home education for all) facebook page and looking at the Not Fine In School website/socials. You will immediately feel less alone and less like a ‘failure’ as you will see the huge number of other parents in the same situation as you.

Unschooling done well is a gift to children.

You are a teacher, so whatever "unschooling" you do is no doubt rooted in your education knowing what and how to teach and when to teach it. But most parents don't have that training and think they can teach children from life. Later, when these children might want to follow an official education, they simply won't be able to do it, because they never had the training to.