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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its a little soon for a weekend away? Dating

12 replies

LimeNacho · 14/05/2025 16:49

Been dating a woman for around 6 weeks. We see each other once a week. Both female.

I am her first female date, she has only ever dated men and was in a "miserable marriage" to a guy for 15 years before she ended it 12 months ago.

I feel like her feelings are a lot stronger than mine at the moment, possibly because of her situation.

I do like her, we text a lot. She lives around 2 hours away but we try to have an overnight stay once a week (we both have kids so can be difficult).

I have told her I want to go slowly as I have not long come out of a long relationship but now she has asked if I want a weekend away with her at the end of this month.

Is this not too soon? It feels like a couply thing to do.

AIBU to tell her it is moving too fast or does that sound a bit shit?

OP posts:
ohyesido · 14/05/2025 16:53

If you don’t want to go, tell her that. You don’t need to analyse it, but interesting that you feel like it’s too “couply”.

are you a couple or not?

NotAntisocialJustAllergicToNonsense · 14/05/2025 16:53

There’s no right or wrong, it’s down to how you feel.
The end of this month you will have been seeing each other 8 weeks and will have stayed over with each other around 8 times? Two months seems enough time for a weekend away for some, but if it’s too soon for you then say -sooner rather than later.

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 14/05/2025 16:54

I'd happily go away for a weekend with someone I was interested in after a couple of months. It isn't really showing more commitment than staying overnight in your own homes (assuming you're sharing a bed).

Original poster
LimeNacho · 14/05/2025 16:57

ohyesido · 14/05/2025 16:53

If you don’t want to go, tell her that. You don’t need to analyse it, but interesting that you feel like it’s too “couply”.

are you a couple or not?

Well I certainly wouldn't say we are a couple, we are dating

OP posts:
FlockofSquirrels · 14/05/2025 17:16

I feel like her feelings are a lot stronger than mine at the moment, possibly because of her situation.

This is the issue. A weekend away is not a commitment leap or entangling of your lives and it’s not really a jump in intimacy when you’re already spending one overnight together a week. But it sounds like you’re not sure of your interest level compared to hers (and there’s nothing wrong with that), but you’re probably redirecting that tension into a very standoffish reaction to her doing anything that feels like moving the relationship along even the slightest bit.

Bunnyisputbackinthebox · 14/05/2025 17:27

Me and dh went away 7 weeks in.. Made us realise we were all in.
Been together 12 years...

ItGhoul · 14/05/2025 17:41

LimeNacho · 14/05/2025 16:57

Well I certainly wouldn't say we are a couple, we are dating

Show quote history

I suspect she thinks you are a couple.

I also suspect that she is perhaps assuming that because you're a woman, you want the same type of commitment and intensity that she does. I'm straight, but a couple of friends of mine who are lesbians have told me that they've encountered this - in single-sex relationships generally, but especially in relationships where one partner has never dated another woman before.

Either way - if you think it's too soon, it IS too soon. You shouldn't feel you have to do anything you're not ready for, and you should definitely be honest with her (which is what everyone would say if you were a woman dating a man who wanted to go away for the weekend before you were ready).

ItGhoul · 14/05/2025 17:43

And it's irrelevant whether other people say they would go away / did go away with someone after a few weeks of dating. They are not you and your feelings are not theirs. Don't ever do anything with someone you're dating that you're not ready for, whether it's a weekend away or meeting their family or anything else.

SpanThatWorld · 14/05/2025 18:04

I think a weekend away is a good way to decide whether or not you have anything in common. My husband and I went on one after 5 weeks.

I've known other friends who've done it even more quickly. I think it's an age thing. If you're middle aged, you may not feel you have the space in your life for casual dating. Does it work? If not, bin it off.

Zanatdy · 14/05/2025 18:09

I don’t think it’s too soon no.

user2848502016 · 14/05/2025 18:56

I don’t think it’s too soon but if you don’t want to go you should be honest

Original poster
LimeNacho · 15/05/2025 10:02

It's tricky. If I said no to the weekend away, but was happy to stay at her house, whats the difference? Is probably what she would ask but I do feel there is a difference.

I think the problem here is that I am not sure what I want. I joined Tinder for hook ups and ended up connecting with her.

She knows how I feel, I have told her I just want casual and not ready for anything serious. Maybe she doesn't feel a weekend away is a big thing. Maybe it isn't? lol

Any advice on how to word it? I only came out of a very LTR about 4 months ago.

OP posts:
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