Child care issues

Zoono · 2025-05-14T13:53:53+00:00

I love my DD (2 years old) and wouldn't change a thing but the childcare issues, im facing as a single parent with limited support from my ex and no practical support from GPs is very hard. I generally accept my situation but I've been told by community mental health team to attend a support group for 2 months for adults living with psychosis. I won't be able to attend in the week with no regular childcare and I can't tell my ex , as he will think I'm struggling to cope and may seek more custody of our DD. How do other single parents solve these issues. Aibu to at times find my situation very unfair.

Dinoswearunderpants · 14/05/2025 14:56

Are you entitled to any free childcare hours? Maybe enrol in a nursery/childminder for the available hours.

Original poster

Zoono · 14/05/2025 14:59

Im not entitled to any free hours and I'm already paying for a few hours of nursery care once a week. Unfortunately my community team have only given me 3 weeks notice of the support group, start date. I can't get more childcare at nursery in that time period.

OP posts:

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/05/2025 15:05

In what sense have you been “told” to attend this group? Is it a situation where you may be perceived as refusing to engage with services that are considered medically necessary for you? You’ve highlighted your lack of practical support, but also appear to be resisting your ex having more contact with DD: if he’s willing and able to step up, and you’re struggling with your mental health, allowing him to do that - via mediation if necessary - sounds like a better option than not engaging with treatment and that being passed on to children’s services. He won’t obtain “custody” of her based on you receiving support with your mental health and asking him for his supper with childcare to facilitate that, whereas if there are questions raised because you aren’t receiving the help you need, the approach may become different.

Original poster

Zoono · 14/05/2025 15:11

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/05/2025 15:05

In what sense have you been “told” to attend this group? Is it a situation where you may be perceived as refusing to engage with services that are considered medically necessary for you? You’ve highlighted your lack of practical support, but also appear to be resisting your ex having more contact with DD: if he’s willing and able to step up, and you’re struggling with your mental health, allowing him to do that - via mediation if necessary - sounds like a better option than not engaging with treatment and that being passed on to children’s services. He won’t obtain “custody” of her based on you receiving support with your mental health and asking him for his supper with childcare to facilitate that, whereas if there are questions raised because you aren’t receiving the help you need, the approach may become different.

Edited

I don't struggle on a daily basis, so I don't think it's compulsory and I can hardly take my toddler with me, if I have no child care. I am concerned about it appearing as if I'm disengaging though. I've no concerns over my ex spending more time with DD but he is easily manipulated by his DM who would tell him, that I'm not coping and my DD would be better with him. I've done everything right so far and accessed the support myself from the community mental health team. I just wish I had more options

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ComtesseDeSpair · 14/05/2025 15:17

If you have no concerns about your ex’s parenting then this sounds like a good case for mediation so that you’re both on the same page about a childcare routine, have things firmed up between you, and his mother has no basis to get involved. Having your DD’s other parent being trustworthy and willing to look after her more, but not allowing this even when you have no other childcare options is counterproductive.

Your community team can’t expect you to go on a course when you have no childcare, but if they’re recommending it then they also need to be willing to work with you on making it happen, so long as you show willing in return.

Original poster

Zoono · 14/05/2025 15:20

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/05/2025 15:17

If you have no concerns about your ex’s parenting then this sounds like a good case for mediation so that you’re both on the same page about a childcare routine, have things firmed up between you, and his mother has no basis to get involved. Having your DD’s other parent being trustworthy and willing to look after her more, but not allowing this even when you have no other childcare options is counterproductive.

Your community team can’t expect you to go on a course when you have no childcare, but if they’re recommending it then they also need to be willing to work with you on making it happen, so long as you show willing in return.

I just need to talk openly to my ex when I see him tonight. I do want to attend the course as although it's not daily for months, I've been having hallucinations on average every two weeks and I don't want to live my life like this and I want to give my DD a happier childhood than I had.

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Original poster

Zoono · 15/05/2025 10:31

Spoke to my ex last night who was sympathetic but we still have no childcare solutions, as he has to work in a factory environment, Monday to Friday. Life is tough.

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wingingit1987 · 15/05/2025 10:33

I would speak to your health visitor- given the circumstances you might qualify for funding for a nursery place.