How much phone contact should ex have

[Mummaonherown]

I've got a awful relationship with my ex, my previous posts explain all.

He came to pick my son up on Sunday, I have asked for a schedule for phone calls, he's told me "my partner's ex calls when he wants, why do I need to have a schedule, I'll call when I want and if he's not available then don't answer"

I get this to a certain degree, but there's been a few times over the last month where my son has wanted to call "daddy" and he hasn't answered the phone or call back, I asked him to let me know when is the best time for him to call and he ignored me, so now I just tell my son that daddy is sleeping or at work so we don't call and wait for his call, he's gone as long as 12 days before calling and 5.5 weeks before actually seeing him.

I was just wondering if I'm AIBU to expect a schedule?
My ex has a new GF lives with her and 3 DD 2 hours away. Doesn't help with any parenting or pay child maintenance (see previous, fraudulently claiming benefits not declaring income) refuses to do medation, won't go to court, won't do hand overs at a contact centre (he states he doesn't want to see me again, but won't use this option) no family or friends will help me with him as he 'makes their blood boil'

This is all draining me so much, any advice and how often should he call. My son is 4.5

I would want a schedule, it’s just another way of him dictating to you

I imagine it’ll dwindle to nothing soon enough. Let him call when he wants and answer if it’s suitable (and you think it’s the best for DS). Likewise if DS wants to call, try and call and if he doesn’t answer or call back DS will also stop asking so much.
these things have a way of working themselves out in time.

Tell him to fuck off if he won't cooperate. Who gives a flip what his partners ex does

@wisteriadrive deffo feels like it. He actually said "your not in control I am" to me on Sunday, he also told me not to call as I'm "getting inbetween his new relationship"

I honestly thought once this relationship was done life would be easier but he makes it so hard for me and the guilt I feel is immense.

@Fruitbat99 that's what my mother said. I know he tells his gf everything. I feel like I'm battling against them both

I agree, nothing to do with his ex's partner. He sounds very controlling and wants it all on his terms.

I have no advice really, sounds like you've tried to put plans in place but he doesn't want to play ball.
I just wouldn't answer and maybe send a text beforehand if your son wants to call and ask him to call/if he's available.

So let him call when he wants - only answer if DS is available.

On fact get a burner phone for this reason. Text him the new number and only make contact with Ex via this phone when you have time to turn it on.

block his number from your current phone - he doesn’t need to know you still have it and he won’t be able to contact you on it so will have to believe you!

Best way to deal with people like this is to do exactly what they say but on your terms! He’s basically said only answer if you’re free! you can be as unavailable as you like!

You’re not unreasonable to want a schedule from him, but equally, it’s pretty clear you’re not going to get one so I wouldn’t waste your energy repeatedly asking him.

Either you carry on as you are now, with him calling occasionally when he wants to, or you give him a schedule of when he can call, and ignore any calls outside of that window.

@itsgettingweird I do have a burner phone for him to call, he still calls mine from a private number at times.

He's doing it all to control me, he hardly calls it's more so my son wanting to call he ignores him (even when it's coming from the burner number)
I'm just so drained

It sounds like a schedule is practical so your DC doesn't get upset if dad doesn't answer the phone. Also what harm can it do? But your ex won't see it like this, he is likely assuming your trying to control/dictate. If its really a problem for him then maybe just agree you will text each other first to see if everyone is free for a phone call....for arguments sake.

@Mummaonherown all on his terms really isn't it.
It will soon fade, he'll disappear if/when he has a child with this woman. I've seen it all before.

Don't answer the phone unless it suits you DC and if your DC asks to speak to daddy outside of these times then just continue to tell him what you are ready telling him.

Good luck