To expect other parent to confirm arrangements?

[ellie09]

I co-parent my DS with my ex husband. DS is 8 years old. His paternal grandmother also cares for him quite a bit as she is retired and in good physical shape.

Me and exH still go on our respective holidays without DS (we have family holidays too but good to get away just adults only!)

When Exh is away, there is never an issue - I just get on with it.

I let exH know months ago about my 1 week holiday today. He works and his mum doesnt drive, so I made arrangements to make sure that DS was collected from school (my parents are taking time out of work to do this) and drop off to one of their houses. I sent through the plan weeks ago and hadn't heard anything from exH to say it wasnt ok.

Fast forward to today, I have the grandmother calling me complaining to no end. Apparently exH hadn't told her about anything about this, and I should have instead.

AIBU to expect that if DS is in the main care of his dad that week, that ExH should be making sure he agrees to any arrangements and confirms with people involved, especially his own mother?

You arent unreasonable but I'd have checked personally that everyone is on board because I've had similar experiences in the past

She is his problem, not yours.
Enjoy your holiday! x

Is she doing you a favour or him? The person asking for a favour checks the arrangements.

Tell her it’s her sons fault not yours
will ex H apologise?

You said that your parents are doing school pick up and dropping to one of their houses - surely they need to know which one at which point you’d have confirmed with your ex? If that’s the case then yes YANBU if arrangements have been confirmed.

I can see why he’s an ex. His mother blamed everyone else for his faults instead of expecting him to do better 🙄

I dont know - probably both? Yes, I am going on holiday, but when I am, especially with 5 months notice, he's in the care of his dad for that week. If ExH cant look after him, it would be a favour for him?

Ive went out my way this time around to make the arrangements for DS with picking up from school etc which has been an issue before, and bought a weeks worth of food for DS also, so not out of pocket.

There just always seems to be an issue when I am away.

When ExH is away, I assume DS is my sole responsibility for that time and if I need help, I reach out myself.

I confirmed details on this weeks ago with ExH, he said nothing about it.

I didn't speak to the grandmother, ad I had assumed it was up to exH to see if his mother could accommodate the suggestions I made. He is closer to her than I am, and DS is in his care that week.

Yes, bad experiences with ex MIL and ExH. I had a non molestation order on them at one point, and had ExH arrested for blackmail (ended up not going to court).

I had always been painted as bad person, always doing something wrong. Her son was always a saint, never done anything wrong.

One of the reasons we split in the first place.