AIBU to be taken aback by DD’s first tantrum aged 5 1/2?

[BarbaraVineFan]

Just wanted to check whether it is normal for a 5 year old to have a tantrum? I was very lucky when DD was little and she didn’t really have tantrums as such- naively I thought I had escaped, but we just had a full-on tantrum because

1. I told her not to hang out of the open window
2. she continued to hang out of the window
3. I asked her to come to me
4. she refused
5. I turned off the TV programme she had been watching prior to hanging out of the window and said in that case, she would have to go straight to bed because what she was doing was dangerous and she wasn’t doing as she was told.

Cue full-on screaming, howling and pushing me. (I could see the neighbours in their garden through the open window and they were agog at the volume!) I dealt with it, got her upstairs and changed for bed and we talked it through and have had cuddles (and she has said sorry!) but I was a bit surprised , never having had to deal with it before! Is this normal for her age?

Tbf, it’s pretty odd it’s her first one.

I have a 6yo. He has the occasional meltdown, usually over being asked to get dressed/undressed/shower. It's generally if he is tired or hungry. As PP said, the unusual bit is it hasn't happened before!

Yes. Although I don't really think of them as tantrums more struggling with big emotions.

If she's not yet had a tantrum she's probably not had to deal with big feelings before. Maybe talk to her about feelings and what they look/feel like so she understands them. But;

Sounds like she had some consequences and pushed against them. Don't worry about it. Also, don't worry about telling her off again in future if she needs it on the off chance she has a tantrum.

Normal. I have twins. One’s tantrums started at 18 months and were over by 4yrs old. The other didn’t start til 4 and carried on til 6. They are now both 7 and will still throw the occasional wobbly.

Just wanted to check whether it is normal for a 5 year old to have a tantrum? I was very lucky when DD was little and she didn’t really have tantrums as such

I’ll second the ‘very lucky’. That’s unheard of surely? The heat maybe made her more grumpy than usual. I wonder if you’ll be lucky enough for it to be a one off.

Thanks for replies. When I say she didn’t have tantrums, I mean that she would get upset about stuff but it would either not be for more than about a minute, or it wouldn’t be very serious. This was the first time I’ve seen her screaming and howling at me, and certainly the first time she has ever pushed me.

She is extremely tired on Tuesdays after swimming, so maybe it’s that and the heat.

think it’s normal. Mines 5 and only started kicking off a bit when she started school. Exhaustion and other influences I guess. Wouldn’t worry too much. Also she might be coming down with a bug or something. Mine usually gets a bit worked up just before she’s poorly

As a one off it’s not worrying, especially if it was very close to bedtime.
Even adults can occasionally have a bit of a meltdown if they’re feeling particularly overwhelmed.

If it suddenly becomes a regular thing then I would be trying to work out what’s causing her to feel overwhelmed more often, wether it’s a medical issue making her making her feel tired or uncomfortable or something that’s worrying or stressing her

If it's a busy day for her, the weather has been warm. Perhaps not enough to drink etc. still nothing major to worry about.

I remember hanging out with some mums when my DC was a tiny baby. Most of theirs were all older and one was talking about her 6 year old having tantrums when he's obviously always been the "easy" kid of the group. Basically their consensus was all kids go through it, and it's easier to deal with when they're small and you can still pick them up! It stuck in my mind as I didn't know that kids that age still had tantrums.

My 5.5yo also never had tantrums as a toddler but I, and I quote, "ruined her life" yesterday (asked her to get changed for bed) she was on the floor screaming. It's been happening about 6 months.

This made me smile. Every week or so, my 5yo tells me I have ruined his day. Usually because I have asked him to put his pyjamas on.

My older DD used to get really worked up about similar things around that age. She would start to say to us (through sobbing and raging) 'I just can't calm down'. We would have to rub her back and ride the emotional wave until she could get her emotions under control.

If it's very rare for her I'd just assume it's a tired/hungry/growth spurt or whatever and let it go.

I think you're very lucky.

From the mum of a very dramatic 12 year old.

I think they're just all different. I think all of mine were well finished by 5, I think they probably had them between 2-3 mostly. Just depends on temperament. I wouldn't panic over a one off.

It’s not actually. Most children have a development change in toddler hood, which is when the tantrums occur (‘terrible twos’), but it can happen all the way up to adolescence. It’s just a bit more complicated then because they have a more reflective look in their own behaviour. You just have to support them through it and teach them to cope.

Over-tired!

Yep tantrums usually occur when overwhelmed/tired/times of developmental change (which is why teenagers are so problematic)

it sounds as if school/swimming/heat got too much.

She was hot so went out of the window and then you said No and she just saw No - not the it is dangerous to hang out of the window becuase to her she was doing it to cool down

Tonight talk about how the window is dangerous but there are other cooling options (a fan maybe)

I'm taken aback it took her until 5 to have the first one

I like to think of it that if that's the WORST thing in their life then we're doing something right 🤣