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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boy friendships in primary

10 replies

385nfw · 13/05/2025 18:36

Ds is in year 2 and seems to go from one best friend to the other. It feels like every term, he changes them. We suspect he might have some ND. Other boys in his and the other class seem to have much more stable friendships. Everyone always says that boy friendships are simple and uncomplicated. But it feels like he keeps moving from one to the other, unable to develop them further. Is this the norm in primary?

OP posts:
Squiggle13 · 13/05/2025 19:15

My DS is in year 1, he has a bunch of friends but definitely not a best friend.

I wouldn’t worry, it seems he is good at making friends and at that age their personalities change so much they are all just figuring it out. I do think that the girls seem to be more into best friends at this age.

Although, I have made quite a point of not focusing on “best friends” and having a great group of friends. I fear that having a best friend at this age can cause issues if one day they don’t wanna play or say they have another best friend etc

StarTwirl · 13/05/2025 19:37

DD and DS both had lots of different friends at primary school.

they’re getting to know different DC as they get older.
its great that they don’t just stick to one friend
The most annoying thing is the bloody mums who manipulate friendships in a nasty way by leaving certain DC out of a group setting
luckily my DC made good choices but those bloody mums who manipulate are relentless if they don’t like that your DC have befriended who they see as their own DC ‘best friend’

Also new DC join school along the way so that usually changes the dynamics

i wouldn’t worry to much about it

if youre worried then arrange play dates, group meetings in the park for all the boys or a group of boys or the whole class

lots of mums arranged stuff like that at my DC primary school and looking back it probably was the parents of boys who they felt maybe didn’t make solid friendships

my DC happily went along to any old play date, group setting they were invited to. I know some mums tried hard with play dates for their DC if they realised they had SEN or were shy and my DC happily went on play dates with them then naturally played with them at school after.

StarTwirl · 13/05/2025 19:43

With the warmer weather arrange a Saturday or Sunday afternoon picnic at a local park or wherever or after school on a Friday

make sure it doesn’t clash with sports which are generally in the mornings

youll be surprised how many mums will say yes to have a chance to hang out with some Prosecco whilst the DC play and you can all see which DC get on with whom and what all the parents are like

StarTwirl · 13/05/2025 19:47

Lots of friendships will have been formed in nursery but they move on

my DS didn’t like football, he played it at first because his friends did, he was good as well but he just wasn’t into it so he started to make different friends with the boys who also didn’t play. Turns out he had asthma so that as it turned out was part of the reason

but hold tight OP

friendships ebb and flow year by year

then completely change in secondary school

385nfw · 13/05/2025 20:17

I think it's definitely true about nursery. Ds didn't go to the same one as everyone else but quite a few of the parents groups definitely formed around then.

OP posts:
LavenderBlue19 · 13/05/2025 20:22

My DS is in Y1 and seems to have a new best friend every few weeks. There's a group of about seven of them who all play together regularly, and they chop and change within that group.

Didimum · 13/05/2025 20:22

I’ve got two kids in yr2. They both flit about a lot.

TooFancyNancy · 13/05/2025 20:25

Ds is in year 2, has a big ‘gang’ of friends (as he describes them) that all play together at school, mainly boys but a couple of girls, mostly his class/year but also one or two from the older and younger years. It’s also really inclusive so anyone can join in if they want to. His school have commented on how lovely it is and how they include anyone that wants to play with them.
he’s very happy and popular but he definitely wouldn’t be able to pin down only one best friend. Although he is closer to 2/3 boys out of the big group but if directly asked he says he has tons of best friends, so that I suppose is nice!

385nfw · 13/05/2025 21:43

Ah I wish Ds was in a big happy group. He seems to hyper focus in one kid at a time before moving on to someone else. Not sure whether it's his insecurities or something else.

OP posts:
StarTwirl · 14/05/2025 01:15

That’s normal OP
Are you able to help out in his class one day. It can help put things in perspective just seeing how all the DC interact.

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