To ask how you make yourself feel body positive?

[Z0rr0]

We’re doing an ‘exotic’ holiday in July. First time in many years. Been trying to lose weight but struggling to stick with it so unsuccessfully so far. Lost a lot of weight last year so am overweight but not awful. Bought a tankini (3piece: shorts, bra top, vest) but just felt like a blobby mess when I tried it on. Realistically I shouldn’t care. My family don’t care, no one we see on holiday will care. Loads of women larger than me happily wear skimpy cozzies. I don’t think mean things about them when I see them. So how do I make myself not care about my own body? I just hated all the wobbly, bulgy bits I saw on me and even though the thing was comfortable I didn’t feel comfortable wearing it. How do I get myself to IDGAF territory and just enjoy being away and wearing what I want instead of feeling like I need to hide my belly, my upper arms and minimise my boobs? Please share your tips!

I guess we've all grown up in society, which is judgemental and fat shaming, so it's unsurprising that we've all internalised the message...

Could you fake it till you make it, as it were? Pretend you are someone is body confident and then you might end up feeling that way?

I don't put so much pressure to be positive, just to be neutral. If a negative thought about my body passes through my head I'll just think 'huh that's an interesting thought' and just let it pass me by.

I think in terms of what my body allows me to do, e.g. I'm not fond of my arms but ill try to reframe to 'my arms are strong so i can pick up my DD' or whatever.

You probably won't stop the negative thoughts, but you can change what you do with them and how you pay attention to them.

Currently on last day of holiday abroad. Truly all shapes and sizes round the pool and no one gave a shit. I hate myself in a swimsuit then I thought well my body gave me my two sons so bollocks to what anyone else thinks (doubt they were taking a blind bit of notice) plus I’ll never see any of these people ever again x

I try to focus on my health, looking after that, and being grateful for that rather than how I look. We all have bits of our bodies we aren't happy with, I have saggy arms, varicose veins, only one boob after breast cancer 9 years ago, and crazy difficult hair! But my body is still working and doing its job, we should be proud of our hard working bodies!

Doing weights at a class. No weight lost but feel and look much better. Less wobbling, bum not a bag of jelly any more. Good luck.

Resist. It's a daily work to resist the pressure and not to see your body as a failure for not representing the impossible airbrushed standards we have been bombarded with since we were tiny.

Your bodies job is to house you and feel pleasure. Less mirrors, less media, and more appreciation and gratitude. Where your focus goes, is what will grow, so if you focus on your wobbly thighs, they will become more important, when really, they don't matter one bit in terms of how much you're going to be able to enjoy your amazing holiday. Also, when you get there and look around you'll realise that you're just one body, amongs lots of bodies, and they all look different.

I'm much more comfortable now after years of lost time and energy worrying about how I looked to other people, the mavels of growing older and not giving a fuck have kicked in!

I listened to an old Clarissa Pinkola Estes audiobook that describes ones body as "that which is not a dumb servant but a divine fellow traveller and consort."

It actually made me feel sad when I thought horrible things about my body! Or when I didn't give my body (which serves me so well) the things it needs to thrive - love and nourishment.

I know this is all WAAAAY too hippy for Mumsnet though!

how do I make myself not care about my own body?
You don't. You should care. It's your health, your tool, your future, the photos and memories with your kids. But you should also accept that you can at least look the best with what you have today.

1. take photos and measurement and start to change what you don't like. It's a SLOW process, but if you can at least see the difference between on your photos today and the photos on your first day of holiday, you will see how much you have already achieved.
   Again, it's SLOW, but you are working long-term here.

2. find a personal stylist, online if it's easier, high-street price and ask for help. They can advise you on the best colours/ shape/ high-street purchase, swimsuits and cover up that will make you feel a million time better. Many also have private groups where members encourage and help out each other.

Life is too short to be miserable on holiday. You can be comfortable and stylish.

Loads of women larger than me happily wear skimpy cozzies. I don’t think mean things about them when I see them.
and other people are too busy worrying about their appearance to think mean things about you, even the slim ones!

I go to a couple of classes at the gym which have completely changed the way I think about my body as I head towards menopause - Body Balance (yoga/pilates) and Body Pump (weights). It's shifted my attitude from using exercise as a sort of punishment for being too fat/wobbly, to seeing it as a way of appreciating my body for its physical capability, not judging it for what it looks like. There's a guided relaxation section at the end of every Body Balance class in which our instructor encourages us to thank our bodies for the work they've done, and to think about the nourishing 'medicine' we've given our muscles/bones with the stretches, strength work, etc.

And with Body Pump, there's something about lifting a bar over my head that makes me feel like Wonder Woman, regardless of how heavy it is. I take that 'woooooh get me' feeling away with me from the class. (NB there are no mirrors in the class studios)

I think it helps to look at your body from the inside out, rather than the outside in. When you think about what your body can do/has done - create a child, or heal from a procedure, or just carry you around every day - instead of comparing it with other people, then it's easier to feel proud of it.

Thanks ladies. I do think bodies are amazing, particularly as someone who manages to break a bone just from twisting an ankle and seeing it heal is like magic really. I think the weights stuff is a good call and I do need to be doing that anyway now I am officially in menopause. I just wish that when I see myself I could think, ‘yeah this body is alright for its age and everything it’s done’ or just think ‘yeah I’m blobby, so what?’ but I just see the flab and hate it. Maybe I need to practice some NLP to change my thought processes. Because also it makes me a hypocrite when I’m reassuring my daughters about their bodies and then the next minute going ‘ugh I’m so fat’ when I look at myself.