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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is shocking from a GP Surgery?

12 replies

AIBUHere · 12/05/2025 21:54

I had an issue about a year and half ago of an intimate nature which was causing much distress.

Went to GP after it was obvious I couldn’t solve it myself, having researched the treatment I needed, and asked for it at the appointment.

On (intimate) examination, the GP agreed that the medication I asked for might be correct but first wanted me to a different treatment and come back in a few weeks.

I wasn’t happy but agreed. Treatment made matters worse as I suspected. Check up was delayed as GP went off sick and appt was cancelled and I was told I had to ring on the day which took a while. In the end, I was given a Saturday appointment at the out of hours hub.

I saw a male locum GP there who insisted on another intimate examination which I refused as I’d just had one recently and hadn’t prepared myself mentally (rape and CSA history) and I said surely the previous observations and my explanation of symptoms was enough. He said I had to go back to see the original GP at my own surgery so again, took a few more weeks to get seen.

The next appointment was with a Nurse practitioner after having explained my symptoms to the Receptionist, and previous visits, she said the Nurse would do a telephone appointment.

On the telephone appointment, I again explained, said I’d been examined and requested the treatment I originally asked for. The Nurse was very brusque and asked if I was a medical professional, I said No but I know my body (age 53 and my issue was common in women in my age). Then she said it should have been a face to face appointment for another intimate examination, not by phone so I’d need to rebook again! I was a little annoyed as she seemed quite sarcastic with the ‘are you a medical professional’ comment, and was upset that I needed another examination, but not rude.

I later read the consultation note she put in on the NHS app where she said I’d been rude and a chaperone would be needed! The tone was more of a ‘difficult patient’ rather than a chaperone for the intimate examination!

At the face to face appointment (another few weeks later!), she examined me again despite me saying I didn’t want to be examined again but would have to be, then said I COULD have a condition which the 1st GP had noted there were no signs of in my initial appointment. I queried this as we were now 6 months down the line from when the issue started and I surely would have tell tale signs. She said it may not have come out yet but I needed an urgent referral to a gynaecologist. TBH this made me a tad worried! She also said she’d spoken to the lead GP for prescribing and the treatment I’d requested would not be given as it was dangerous. It’s actually a recommended treatment for my issue and is low risk! She gave no treatment for what she thought it could be. Generally GPs can treat this anyway so I was confused at the urgent referral to gynaecology.

I then made a formal complaint about this including a copy of the NHS guidelines, and about unnecessary intimate examinations and the treatment I’d requested being quite reasonable considering my symptoms so I should at least be able to try it.

That was over a year ago. I got an acknowledgement that I’d get a response in 30 days and then tumbleweed…….

While waiting for the gynaecologist referral, I rang a few times to chase up but no one ever came back to me. I was getting a bit anxious thinking it might be something more serious that they weren’t telling me. in the meantime problem persisted causing great discomfort.

I got the gynaecologist appointment 6 months later and after another examination, I was told there was no sign of the condition the Nurse thought it was, which I knew, and I was then referred to a menopause clinic a few months later and they confirmed it was what I thought it was all along and finally I got the treatment! They were very confused as to why my GP surgery hadn’t given it to me in the first place. Issue has greatly improved now.

So, in March, I updated my original complaint sent last May, stating that a year of worry and discomfort could have been avoided if they listened to the patient and again querying why they are giving incorrect information on the risk of the treatment of I’d requested as other women may have suffered similarly.

This time not even an acknowledgment that they’d received it.

I’ve rang a few times to chase again, and at one point was put through to the Practice Manager, who the complaint had to be addressed to. She flustered bit saying she’d have to do some digging to find the complaint as she couldn’t remember it and promised to call me back later that day. That was a week ago. When I rang again today, I was told she was in a meeting.

It looks to me like they’re hoping I get fed up and go away.

Both complaints are noted on my NHS record. In fact the Practice Manager, who said she’d have to find the complaint, was the one who sent the acknowledgment saying I’d get a response with 30 days.

I am pretty angry tbh. I’ve read on other forums that women with my issue go to GP and treatment is prescribed based on symptoms without even an examination. I had to have 4, at least 3 of which were unnecessary and they are preventing women from being prescribed a treatment that NHS guidelines recommend!

AIBU and WWYD?

OP posts:
SabrinaSt · 12/05/2025 22:01

You should complain to your local ICB. They should respond fairly swiftly and investigate the complaint on your behalf.

WhatMe123 · 12/05/2025 22:15

Did you complain via pals op?

vipersnest1 · 12/05/2025 22:16

Send in a written complaint, recorded delivery.
Meanwhile, put in a complaint to your local PHSO (parliamentary and health service ombudsman).
I’m guessing your complaint is either vaginal atrophy or lichen sclerosus? You can say that here if you want - and get good advice too.
Good luck, you’re absolutely right that you shouldn’t have been messed around in this way.

Dazzlemered · 12/05/2025 22:17

Sorry this happened to you.

Something very similar happened to my dd.
My dd is 16 and went and was examined and the GP said they needed to check with a different GP about what she was allowed to prescribe as she didn’t know if what she wanted her to have was safe to use in that area.

She still hadn’t heard anything a few days later so I phoned and was told she would need to go in again and be examined again. She did and that GP said she would also need to check.

I phoned a few days later and was told actually it was none of my business and to get dd to phone. I went slightly crazy and said well she’s at school and has hardly bloody slept because she has an issue and we don’t know how to treat it because your GP’s won’t bloody help.

The GP finally phoned me and said what was safe to use and what she thought might help and I ordered it from Amazon so she didn’t have to go back and be examined again.

AIBUHere · 12/05/2025 22:47

vipersnest1 · 12/05/2025 22:16

Send in a written complaint, recorded delivery.
Meanwhile, put in a complaint to your local PHSO (parliamentary and health service ombudsman).
I’m guessing your complaint is either vaginal atrophy or lichen sclerosus? You can say that here if you want - and get good advice too.
Good luck, you’re absolutely right that you shouldn’t have been messed around in this way.

Thanks. Yes it was vaginal atrophy, itching, awful bleeding and sore from uncontrollable scratching, no sex, had to put leggings on to stop me scratching in my sleep, needing to pee all the time, made me feel absolutely filthy.

1st GP said she could see atrophy but wanted me to use steroid cream first. Itching got worse after that. Said no sign of lichen sclerosis. I wanted HRT topical cream. I’m already on systemic HRT. I ordered some online in the end but was worried about using it after what Nurse said so stopped too early for any effect.

Nurse said she could see atrophy as well but it might still be lichen sclerosis but no signs like thickening or whiteness. That was 6 months after it started.

No treatment but told to use Vaseline which blocked pores and gave me lumpy bits as washing with no soap wash, which scared me even more after the Nurse said I needed an urgent gynae referral!

I was going insane. Really struggle with intimate examinations now I’m older and am diagnosed with CPTSD. I told the nurse that, and just asked to try the HRT cream as it’s topical and low risk according to NHS guidelines, not to be difficult.

Gynae said no lichen or anything else of concern but because GP was concerned I had to go to vulval clinic to double check and have the big close up screen seeing it all (that was pretty horrifying as it was so wrinkly, cobwebs in there., not what you want to see in the morning and put me off sex even more!). They then immediately said atrophy and told me I needed HRT cream and were incredulous I hadn’t been given it before. Plumped up a bit now and itchiness more a habit thank god!

I’ve read on menopause forums that other women were given the cream based on symptoms and age, not through multiple examinations, urgent gynae referrals, a year wait!

So unnecessary and not even responding to a legitimate complaint.

It’s written in my consultation notes that I was told HRT cream is unsafe as well. On the NHS app.

OP posts:
vipersnest1 · 12/05/2025 22:57

Hmmm, @AIBUHere, I too was initially denied oestrogen cream, in my case to keep my tissues ’plumped up’, due to previous prolapses (and multiple surgeries to resolve them). I also have lichen sclerosis so have a steroid based cream for that now.
I take my hat off to you for being able to tolerate all of that nonsense and lack of understanding with your previous trauma.

tipsyraven · 12/05/2025 22:57

I was sent for an urgent gynae appointment for this because of the bleeding and was prescribed Vagifem pessaries, which mostly help. I wasn’t offered cream.

AIBUHere · 12/05/2025 23:02

SabrinaSt · 12/05/2025 22:01

You should complain to your local ICB. They should respond fairly swiftly and investigate the complaint on your behalf.

I’ve found my local ICB, thank you.

OP posts:
mummytoonetryingfortwo · 12/05/2025 23:02

Complain.

GPs have really gone downhill lately. My DF has been messed around something chronic with his blood pressure medication, which is now causing severe stress

AIBUHere · 12/05/2025 23:04

WhatMe123 · 12/05/2025 22:15

Did you complain via pals op?

No I haven’t as I was waiting to get final outcome but will see if ICB will help first. Thank you.

OP posts:
dottycat123 · 12/05/2025 23:15

After one useless GP appointment where it was obvious he had little knowledge of vaginal atrophy I did an online consultation with ASDA GP and have the oestrogen cream prescribed this way. With the help of an online atrophy support group I have resolved my issues and have had good advice about vaginal moisturizer.

AIBUHere · 12/05/2025 23:53

Sorry that happened to your DD @Dazzlemered.

OP posts:
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