Bad arguments

[Dadconfused]

Every time myself and my partner fight she can go from nought to "I wish I'd never met you" in 30 seconds. She once threw a pot through our bifold doors, she gets so upset that there is no limit to her rage. Sometimes I say the smallest thing and she will take it totally out of proportion. This has been every few weeks for a decade and I'm exhausted, depressed and don't know how to change anything. I don't feel like I love her because I've been screamed at 100 times, and probably more. I can't imagine breaking up because I don't want a broken family. She still thinks nothing is really wrong because she can just go insane whenever she likes.

It’s already broken. No healthy relationship is like this. Please tell me their aren’t kids stuck in the middle.

OP, for goodness leave. Or at the very least, show her the door. The next time she does it, tell her to leave and stay away until she calms down. Then have a blunt conversation with her. Either she stops or the relationship is over.

I once had two dates with someone. On the second date, I got stuck in traffic and was 8 minutes late. He shouted at me 'where the fuck have you been?" I told him there and then, I didn't appreciate being shouted at, and left. I didn't want a decade of being treated like that.

I hope your dp listens.

It's not easy though, sometimes it's just a silent disappointment of indescribable seriousness instead. Can't just leave, got 3 amazing children to worry about.

Children should not witness this behaviour.
It’s domestic abuse, you need to protect yourself and your children.
Good luck.

You can just leave, as said on MN many a time you don't even need a reason to leave a relationship.

Doesn't matter that you have DC, they are your main priority and infact it will be better for them not to grow up in this kind of environment, they too need removing from it.

Just make sure that they're not used as weapons and are well looked after if when you end the relationship.

You are in an emotionally abusive relationship. Silent treatment is abuse. Verbal aggression is abuse. Throwing objects is abuse. And she made you feel that not tolerating her behaviour is unreasonable. None of this is normal or acceptable.

You say you have three amazing children to worry about, you should end the relationship for them! Growing up in a home where abuse happens is much worse for you in the long run than growing up in a "broken family" as you put it.

You think this is good for your kids?

They'd be far happier with two separate but happy parents than living in a constant nightmare.

You say you don’t want to leave because you don’t want a broken family but it’s already broken. All you’re doing is putting your children through more suffering than necessary.

You need to make a change because else one day your children will be grown up and telling you that they wished you’d left years ago.

Living in a toxic household with domestic abuse isn’t ok and believe me those kids hear, witness and feel more than you know and by you settling for this you’re moulding how they will behave in their future relationships.

I grew up in this type of family and it created decades of trauma. Leave and take the kids. Even if she threatens to keep the kids they will choose to go with you. Your kids are trapped, they don’t have the choice to walk out the door like you do so please help them escape

Having children is not a reason to not leave domestic abuse. They shouldn't be being exposed to this.

Yes you can leave. The children are you reason you must leave !

It’s a safeguarding risk to your children (screaming at you, throwing things). Speak to a DV organisation if you can. Get your ducks in a row, ensure you’re safe, and leave.

Why did you think it was a good idea to have dc with this woman?? She’s abusive.

Your poor kids. You might have chosen this, but they don’t. Get them out.

How old are your children? Where are they when these arguments happen?

My parents stayed together for the children and they would tell you that we never heard any of their arguments. Of course we did, every single one we sat in our rooms pretending to be asleep and scared.

What is her anger like to the children? Can you honestly say they’re emotionally safe with her?

Sonetimes you have to make hard choices to protect your children.

Your children are growing up witnessing this abuse. What do you think that is going to do to them? I think you need to make a plan to separate. Hopefully you can have 50/50 care of your children and they will have a bit of peace.

Every few weeks? PMDD possibly?

This is so sad you shouldn’t have to put up with that type of behaviour it’s really not okay is there anyway you could suggest she get counselling and stand your ground