Why do I need another baby?

[craftymoos]

We have 4 children the youngest just 7 months, all planned but then Dh had a vasectomy after the last was born as we decided we weren’t having any more.
I haven’t told dh because it’s all done and dusted but I’m having regrets that we’re not having anymore.
I don’t know that I could have conceived again anyway at 41 but I’m finding it so hard to accept that I’ll never have another baby.
I keep imagining what I’d call another one even though it’s not happening a part of me just doesn’t want to accept it.
I know I will be told to focus on the ones I’ve got and from the practicality side I realise we can’t keep having babies but I do wonder what is causing this emotional need in me for another.

I think it’s partly Mother Nature - you are nearing the age of menopause and it’s your last chance to have another so your instincts are kicking in to do it before it’s too late! (Good decision not to though I think like you say!)

As someone who has 4DC, be happy with your lot. Mine are 18, 14, 9 and 7yo. The teenage years have been tough.

Enjoy what you have. Hormones are talking if your youngest is 7mo.

I saw a good post here which said, to rationalise, do you want to raise more adults, or is it just that you want another baby?

As what you’re getting is the former.

I think it’s a need to nurture something.

I took up gardening - growing seeds, plants etc, and got a dog when my youngest was about 6.

Life will be very busy with 4 children.
Look forward to your future with them.

It's just hormones. It will settle and you will be able to enjoy the children that you already have.

And it can become almost an addiction - a reason for existing. Look at those poor children on 22 Kids. All conceived to make that poor neurotic woman feel she can justify her existence.

do you identify strongly with being someone who bears children? Like if you are not bearing any more, do you feel less about yourself?

I think many women feel a bit sad when they realise they will never expereince those wonderful early days with a new baby again, but the practicalities out weigh that feeling. Those who have baby after baby are letting those longings take over. It is a lovely feeling for most, but accept it for what it is, fleeting.

Perhaps, I do feel that my children are my life, maybe I need to have another purpose other than mum.

Yep it's hormones..honestly I have 4 and it is plenty! As they get older you will be pulled in so many different ways and everything people say about teenagers being expensive is sooo true. You won't always feel like this I promise you!!!!!

This could be it…. Because if so, this is something you need to face at some point. Do you feel like you have worth outside of being a mother? I hope that doesn’t sound harsh, I’m sure you do! But do YOU feel like you do?

I became so broody around early 40s. I was so glad dh had the snip after our last otherwise there would have been more

It is wonderful that you are devoting yourself to your children, but they are not your life. Going down that road will leave you bereft ... and them feeling obligated ... when the time comes for them to fly. Try and have another interest in life. I had 3 children but always engineered time for my singing, and the children knew that this too was part of who I was and that they were not responsible for my happiness.

Once your youngest is out of the baby phase you’ll probably be glad you’re not having another. It’s just hormones. I really wanted another until my youngest was about 3 or 4 and then life got easier and my view totally changed!

but in the nicest possible way. You’re 41 and you already have 4 kids. Do you really need another one? My mum went for the 5th at your age, was really ill after and it ruined the lives of all involved for many years. Not worth the risk imo. Enjoy the kids you have.

I have one DC, he is disabled
I slso have many health issues that csme about after he wss born.
So unfortunately we decided to stop at 1 child.
Id come to terms with that, made my peace and was happy with our family of 3

When DC was 10 I got my tubes tied, and i went into mourning for the babies I wouldnt be able to have. Even though that was all put to bed years ago. I think it was because it was now completely off the table.

Maybe your DH vasectomy is hitting you the same way, its just so final.

After a few weeks i felt fine again, perfectly happy in our little family. I hope you feel more at peace too.

Have you recently stopped bfing? I read somewhere ?? that when our bodies think our baby has died it sends our hormones into overdrive . Of course this could be complete nonsense with absolutely no scientific evidence whatsoever.
It would make some sense imo.