To think pressure to have kids is totally wrong?

[Nycbucketlist]

Is it just me that really hates the expectation for everyone to have kids? Personally myself and DP have decided we don't want to have kids. If it ever comes up the main response is "oh you'll change your mind". Right now we have a dog that I love that fulfils me and I have a good career that I want to keep working on. I feel immense pressure that I'm almost failing while all my friends get pregnant. Personally I feel like I have enough love from my dog and that takes enough of my time. I also came from a single parent home and I'd only bring a child up if I felt I was in the right place to give them what I wanted but I feel I have my own issues and this just isn't a world I want to bring kids into tbh. Just wondering has anyone else got through this period of pressure and can share some wisdom?

I agree - having kids is not the right choice for everyone!

I wonder if the "you'll change your mind" comes from people who didn't want kids, then did change their mind (or got pregnant, decided to go for it).

I also think a lot of people (weirdly, imo) take other people's choices as rejection of their own.

I'd only bring a child up if I felt I was in the right place to give them what I wanted

I mean, this should be the bare minimum that everyone considers when deciding to have kids!

There's a "MNers without children" board btw, if you want to chat to others in the same circumstances

www.mumsnet.com/talk/childfree-mumsnetters

It’s absolutely a personal choice but like everything people think you should want the same as them. You have to develop ways of dealing with the comments or it will drive you mad.

Thanks both. I'll check out the child free board. I dont know if it's coming from a different background to my friends but I just can't fathom bringing a child into a situation where I have insecurity and might pass that onto them, or not having enough money to give them what their friends have, potential relationship breakdowns etc etc.. and I just see everyone diving in head first which scares me and makes me think maybe I'm overthinking it all!

I thought about and answered all these questions to myself before I had my daughter. Its also the reason I am only having one. It is scary having kids, especially with the world being as it is today. For some people, when thinking it through, the scales don’t ever tip in favour of having kids, and that’s perfectly fine. Don’t let anyone make you feel less than. Plus, you get all the lie-ins you want 😅

People comment and judge no matter what, if you have one child you're selfish and get asked when are you having the next, told you have too many if you have more than 2 blah blah. Honestly if you're content with your decision then as annoying as it is don't doubt yourself. For lots of people its just small talk though and they're not that bothered- remembering this often helps.

People who think they get to tell women what to do with their lives and their bodies never go away - if you DO have kids it's just a slightly different variety of nonsense from the buttinskis of this world. The trick is to just not care. Try to remember that it's just a few seconds out of their day and then they're back to worrying about their own concerns, or nosing into someone else's; they're not thinking about you at all. When it's a lot of different people saying the same stuff, it can FEEL like "tremendous pressure", but none of them actually really care all that much, and even if they do they have no power or authority over you, so fuck 'em.

Try to remember that it's just a few seconds out of their day and then they're back to worrying about their own concerns, or nosing into someone else's; they're not thinking about you at all. When it's a lot of different people saying the same stuff, it can FEEL like "tremendous pressure", but none of them actually really care all that much

Excellent point!

I'm well into my 60s and nobody - ever - pressured me to have children. Because I made it very clear when I was in my teens it was never going to happen. Job done.