I have 2 dd with ex, primary school age.
He has them every other weekend, Friday -Sunday plus a week in summer, Easter and Christmas.
From the outside, and he would say, we have a great coparenting relationship. He and his partner come into my house, they came to the family dinner for dd’s birthday, we work flexibly around the girls sports etc.
However there have been 2/3 incidents in the last 3 years where I will very calmly raise something and he reacts in a way I can no longer just accept and let go.
Over Easter he had our dd, and the arrangements we have always had, if you have them the weekend of a bank hol, you have them the Monday. He announced that he wouldn’t be having them for Easter bank holiday as in his words, he will have “had enough by then”.
When I next saw him I said I didn’t mind having them on the Monday but could he at least ask as that was my time and it felt oppressive that he announced he was just taking it from me.
The way he reacted and has done previously was
- Fine, you’ve ruined it for yourself, il never have them on a Sunday night now.
- im lucky he meets me half way when he takes them, I don’t even thank him.
- He will stop having them for any holidays.
All with a “well done. You’ve ruined it for yourself now” knowing I rely on him having them the occasional Sunday night and bank holiday.
That attitude if he is doing me a favour and he can take away my personal time at his whim is eating away at me. I hate him having this control over me. Even though he doesn’t follow through.
However he regrets it, I know he does, he is being extra nice trying to repair the damage but I want ALL the boundaries now. If I do that, things will change to my girls detriment but it’s eating away at me that he calls when he wants, that he messages me daily about the girls, seeing his name on my phone makes my stomach drop. That he never even apologises. I think he’s an abusive prick to resort to punishing me.
It also breaks my heart for my daughters that he could even fathom seeing them less to hurt me.