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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that as a 50 year old woman, you’re treated differently if you’ve lost a significant amount of weight and your figure has changed .

46 replies

loccit · 11/05/2025 16:14

Wondering if you’ve experienced this? Sudden interest in your figure: body by friends comments. Men glancing at you a little more?
as a woman of this age, I’m perplexed by this. I’ve lost 20 lbs in three months.
no one noticed until this weekend past but it was remarked upon by some friends. I am now just 10kg overweight but am a bit shocked at the commenting and glances . I did this for health reasons as advised by my GP but not one comment related to my health . It was all about appearances.
I’ve been 35 kg over weight at my heaviest.
interested to hear your own experiences. I felt uncomfortable and almost defensive.

OP posts:
SchoolDilemma17 · 11/05/2025 16:16

What has age got to do with it? I have experienced the same as a much younger women. Male friends who suddenly became creepy (I am married w kids) and very uncomfortable comments. Makes you realize how many people don’t see you as a “real person” until you are skinny or at least slimmer.

loccit · 11/05/2025 16:18

I added my age as it’s my own age and I’ve never been slim as an adult so this is new to me and I wanted to give context .It was female friends who commented. Men glancing , albeit married etc.

OP posts:
LulaK · 11/05/2025 16:53

Hah and here was I thinking thank God the letching has stopped because I’ve got older. Nope, it’s because I’ve got fatter…

Skippydoodle · 11/05/2025 16:56

loccit · 11/05/2025 16:18

I added my age as it’s my own age and I’ve never been slim as an adult so this is new to me and I wanted to give context .It was female friends who commented. Men glancing , albeit married etc.

How nice to have people glance at you in appreciation. It’s a lovely thing, doesn’t mean they are rapey 😆

DisplayPurposesOnly · 11/05/2025 17:03

I don't think anyone can comment about how you feel having lost weight. They can only see the external changes. Some may be able to empathise, if they've done it themselves.

I'm 57 and have lost 3.5st (BMI 36). I'm still overweight (BMI 27) but obviously much less than I was 😃I weigh less than I did 20 years ago.

No-one's treated me any differently. Those who have commented have told me I look great or look well. Some have asked if I have more energy. I suspect some people think I've used weight loss injections; no one has asked directly but they have asked 'how'. When I've explained that I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and had to make some changes, they are pleased & impressed for me that my blood sugars are now normal.

What none of them know is how completely weird I feel (in a good way). There is no part of me that doesn't feel really really unlike me, like I'm wearing someone else's body😂Seriously discombobulating but amusing and enjoyable My hands have felt odd since June last year. Surely at some point they must feel normal?? I put that weight on over 20 years and lost it over one, clearly I'm going to take awhile adjust.

I've never tried to lose weight before so it's all been a learning curve for me. Now I just have to sustain it...

Vatsallfolks · 11/05/2025 17:05

I’m enjoying every single moment of it.. and I’m 63 !

Shizzlestix · 11/05/2025 17:11

I’ve halved my weight in the past two years but am deeply unsociable so haven’t had friends notice bar one bloke at my hobby who saw me and asked ‘What the fuck happened to you?’ but not in a sexual or horrible manner, he’s just known me for a long time, always extremely overweight and had last seen me 10st ago.

People at work are forever mentioning positive things, very few of them men. One told me I looked really well after the first few stone, but I find I’m pretty much invisible (and happy about it) now I’m in my 50s. Even before I lost weight, I was invisible, although one bloke in the street gave me the up and down this week and I was confused! Maybe he liked my outfit, who knows?

Disturbia81 · 11/05/2025 17:13

It’s nothing to do with age, just that people treat slim people differently. Men will fancy you more and women will make more effort with you, you’ll get treated differently in shops and hospitality

Disturbia81 · 11/05/2025 17:15

Shizzlestix · 11/05/2025 17:11

I’ve halved my weight in the past two years but am deeply unsociable so haven’t had friends notice bar one bloke at my hobby who saw me and asked ‘What the fuck happened to you?’ but not in a sexual or horrible manner, he’s just known me for a long time, always extremely overweight and had last seen me 10st ago.

People at work are forever mentioning positive things, very few of them men. One told me I looked really well after the first few stone, but I find I’m pretty much invisible (and happy about it) now I’m in my 50s. Even before I lost weight, I was invisible, although one bloke in the street gave me the up and down this week and I was confused! Maybe he liked my outfit, who knows?

He was checking you out. Being in your 50s doesn’t mean you’re invisible! Now you look and feel attractive again you’ll start noticing more.

WednesdaysChild25 · 11/05/2025 17:15

Disturbia81 · 11/05/2025 17:13

It’s nothing to do with age, just that people treat slim people differently. Men will fancy you more and women will make more effort with you, you’ll get treated differently in shops and hospitality

It’s shit but true, hence 50+ and determined to lose weight, tired of being that invisible fat old woman already

DisplayPurposesOnly · 11/05/2025 17:18

10st @Shizzlestix, wowser! Well done, that's an amazing result. I hope you feel great.

Disturbia81 · 11/05/2025 17:22

WednesdaysChild25 · 11/05/2025 17:15

It’s shit but true, hence 50+ and determined to lose weight, tired of being that invisible fat old woman already

It is sad, wish society wasn’t like this! I remember being shocked how differently I was treated, I was the same person inside. Good luck 💐

Shizzlestix · 11/05/2025 17:31

DisplayPurposesOnly · 11/05/2025 17:18

10st @Shizzlestix, wowser! Well done, that's an amazing result. I hope you feel great.

It's over 11st now. It's a mad feeling, in an extremely positive way.

spoonbillstretford · 11/05/2025 17:37

Men did look at me a bit anyway being a bit plump but yes, I've noticed more having a crafty second look since I've lost a few pounds. Suddenly not invisible in the gym either now you can see the muscles under the fat. I don't think many would dare giving me the hassle I got sometimes when I was younger though thank goodness. And overall I don't think there is so much difference that it would change the way anyone treats me. Not that it ought to anyway.

AppleDumplings · 11/05/2025 17:52

I always thought being tubby and in my 50's would make me the perfect thief! I am literally the most invisible demographic in the world!! 😂 I swear I could nick a car from a showroom and no one would bat an eyelid. If you have lost weight and look good, then enjoy it! Well done you.

Octomingo · 11/05/2025 18:10

I think I'm womaning wrong. I've always been slim with big boobs; reasonably attractive. Mid 40s. Men don't look at me twice. I'm taller than a lot of them round here though, so maybe that's it

4amisnotmorning · 11/05/2025 18:17

Your thread title made me smile because I have had this conversation this week.
I haven’t had the experience of flirting or being “checked out” but I am definitely aware of being less invisible. I liked being invisible! Even though people have been complimentary, its unsettling in a way I haven’t worked out fully. Twice people haven’t recognised me which is very unsettling. Someone said discombobulating - good word for how I feel.
i can’t imagine how ten stone loss would feel!
I had friends comment this weekend but I felt better because they are a group of friends who got to know me whilst I was big, not people I feel care at all about my size. So it was nice and normalising to talk.

loccit · 11/05/2025 18:49

I feel similar because the loss and change is obvious now and while I’m generally confident, it seems exposing or something . I can’t figure it out. Like my mask has slipped but it’s the way I’ve been treated this weekend was actually overwhelming. Not in a bad way but in an uncomfortable way. I liked it and I didn’t , if that makes sense .

OP posts:
Disturbia81 · 11/05/2025 19:27

loccit · 11/05/2025 18:49

I feel similar because the loss and change is obvious now and while I’m generally confident, it seems exposing or something . I can’t figure it out. Like my mask has slipped but it’s the way I’ve been treated this weekend was actually overwhelming. Not in a bad way but in an uncomfortable way. I liked it and I didn’t , if that makes sense .

maybe it’s getting used to being observed again, and it’s a bit suffocating. Knowing everyone does look at everyone else and makes a judgement, and notices our bodies changing. The thing is no-one is invisible as they say, fat people are very much noticed too. We think we’re sneaking about in the shadows but people are watching. That’s why they notice when we lose a bit

I didn’t like the fact I was deemed a worthy human being for being slim, but not when I was fat.

Mummadeze · 11/05/2025 19:59

I have had lots of comments from women about my weightloss. A few from men. I don’t really like it, I know they are complementing me but I find it a bit embarrassing. Haven’t noticed any romantic interest or checking out though. Thought it was my age. I wouldn’t mind some glances, so long as they weren’t too leery!

Elsvieta · 11/05/2025 21:53

That happens when you lose a lot of weight at any age. Even if sexual attraction isn't part of it, you just get more respect from both sexes.

4amisnotmorning · 12/05/2025 06:55

I guess it’s more than aesthetics. There is so much moral judgment attachment to being overweight. I agree @Disturbia81 - its sad to feel more worthy for being slimmer.

OnlyFrench · 12/05/2025 07:03

AppleDumplings · 11/05/2025 17:52

I always thought being tubby and in my 50's would make me the perfect thief! I am literally the most invisible demographic in the world!! 😂 I swear I could nick a car from a showroom and no one would bat an eyelid. If you have lost weight and look good, then enjoy it! Well done you.

I think you’re right, I almost always get searched travelling by car between the UK and France and one official hinted I was a prime smuggler suspect!

Middleagedstriker · 12/05/2025 07:10

Skippydoodle · 11/05/2025 16:56

How nice to have people glance at you in appreciation. It’s a lovely thing, doesn’t mean they are rapey 😆

Please don't use the term rapey. It's very minimising for people that have been raped.

Flensburg · 12/05/2025 07:22

Middleagedstriker · 12/05/2025 07:10

Please don't use the term rapey. It's very minimising for people that have been raped.

Thank you so much for saying this.
Also, probably because of this, I really like being invisible.

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