To be finding modern life more and more unpleasant?

[Thegrassroots26]

The world is getting lonelier, more divided, more and more individualistic. Technology has taken over and with it taken quite a lot of what makes us human. Eye contact, connection, compassion etc. There’s too much artificial intimacy and not enough genuine experiences.

I am a divorced parent of teens, so yes I’m extra isolated and sometimes it feels: ostracised, but still I think a lot of people feel this way maybe. Or maybe not? Let me know your thoughts.

I’m not missing the point. Your OP is about other people having lost ‘kindness and humanity’, making less eye contact and being ‘socially inept’. I’m asking whether you would include yourself in that, or is it only other people?

Personally op, I disagree. I work for a funeral director and collect the deceased. Last night I visited the home of a lady who died in her 90s. Her daughter had cared for her at home for over a year, and clearly had slept on the floor for the last couple of nights. The daughters best friend was there to help at 2 am. Neighbours were there to say goodbye as we left the house.

I've started to smile at people the last couple of years...many smile back. I cycle a lot and always stop to allow traffic, especially lorries and work band past...the appreciation is visible.

maybe as a society we have got to insular and self absorbed, but if we as individuals make an effort to be nice, others follow.

I would say I try my best, but given the way I find the world when I step out, I often follow suit and struggle to engage like many others. People are in their groups, or staring at a device. It’s not easy to connect with others in today’s world is what I am saying.

I’m not naturally confident and I have a job that has little social connection to adults (school) plus I don’t have an adult in my home to chat to, so yes it feels all consuming at times. But I was asking a larger question of do others feel this societal shift in the past however many years. Clearly many do not and are doing great. I’m pleased for you.

I’m feeling this more and more. Families are under pressure in a cost of living crisis, and there’s little time left over for communities and friendships.

Out and about, people are just a bit more selfish and entitled, and it all feels a bit every-man-for-himself. Standards of social behaviour have dropped in ways that make public spaces less pleasant for everyone. It’s much more difficult now to challenge anti social behaviour than it was 20-30 years ago.

There’s a big drop off in chit chat with strangers - people used to exchange pleasantries, chat in queues, or on buses and trains, with shop assistants and waitresses. There’s studies showing that those sorts of interactions contribute disproportionately to happiness levels. But I find the only people who don’t get a panicked deer in the headlights look now are OAPs, and they’re going to die off.

I think people care less and less about doing a good job, and that leads to a lot of small irritations that build up and make everyone less patient overall. I think screens contribute to this - those little dopamine machines overload our pleasure centres so the tiny hits of dopamine from completing small tasks don’t register. It makes chores harder, and the world a bit greyer.

I know this is classic middle aged grumbling but I’m genuinely worried for the way the world is going.

I hope to join a local choi r soon. I won't bore you with the reasons as to why I have not been yet. Been trying for over a year.

I just want to go and sing once a week nothing too heavy or tiring.

Come Monday I am drained as although ds is now 20 and he goes out a lot he is constantly interrupting me. I c an barely find time to read ten pages when he is home.

Luckily he is nice and tired work evenings which is something. Perhaps I can read Monday evening. I am basically his mum his dad his sibling all rolled into one!

@Blobbitymacblob i see the same as you, your post resonates with me. Careless and ignorant people driving around, in communal spaces, all about their own wants and screw everyone else. I spoke to a woman who was overseeing the self checkouts and a man had asked her to pack for him (or something like that) and when she said (politely) that she couldn’t because she had to manage all the tills, he told her to f.uck off then and said she was a waste of space. She was almost in tears and said it’s a really common attitude nowadays.

However, it isn’t everyone. I have some lovely interactions as well. @Thegrassroots26 it does sound particularly challenging for you at the moment. It feels facile to suggest seeing if there is a nice, friendly group you could join to have some connection once a week or so- maybe on a weekend morning if your kids have a lie-in? Singing, art, walking, yoga, a gym? Or a cafe or pub you could have breakfast/lunch in and become a regular? Apologies if you aren’t looking for suggestions.

My closest friend is a single parent of teens. One of them ND with complex issues that makes it hard for her to go out for extended periods. Dad was abusive and is not involved at all (other than to stir up trouble occasionally), also pays no maintenance. Friend struggles for money and has no family support.

However, she has built the most incredible community around herself and her dc. She is never short of help and support when she needs it, but that community hasn't fallen into her lap by accident. She has worked incredibly hard to develop and maintain that network by making a real effort to reach out and connect with other people, by opening up her home to them and by showing a genuine and consistent interest in their lives. I'm in awe of the way that she has done this, and have learnt a lot from observing her.

I'm not trying to be an arse and suggest that it's all your fault. I don't think that at all, and I do get how hard it is to do everything on your own. But you can choose to look at the world in different ways. If you expect people to be cold and indifferent, that will affect how you interact with them. If you look for the best in people, you will often find it.

I'm sorry if this comes across as patronising or lacking in understanding of the realities of your situation. I am genuinely trying to help.

Agreed with you. Professionalism is gone too. I can’t believe customer service these days. I rather not to have contact and buy online than to deal with the people who are working on shops and restaurants. Very often I overheard them saying they want to end their shifts and be out. It really put you off of buying anything or even asking.

I imagine the staff are feeling jaded due to the rudeness of others? It can't be easy being on the receiving end of the public like that the whole time. Having said that you would think management would ensure they maintain a certain standard.

It's such a lovely surprise to have a pleasant exchange these days. I collected my medication from our local Tesco pharmacy recently and the pharmacist was so kind and welcoming to me, it really made my day.

You are focusing only on the negatives. Would you rather live in the middle ages?

There's not a big drop off in chit chat round here

I initiate chats with strangers quite frequently, and find that most are happy to engage. Occasionally you get the sense that people don't want to chat, and so you leave them to it.

Probably

I could happily give up facebook but you can occasionally find groups on there and Spotted is very useful. I found the local choir on there for example. Plus I keep in touch with friends who live far away.

Mumsnet and reddit are the most useful for me.

Why not try an experiment. Tomorrow go out and say hello to everyone you meet, smile at everyone. Help others when you get the chance. Ask the cashier how he is, ask the older lady next to you if she had a good weekend. Really put yourself out. If someone doesn’t answer that’s okay, the next person will. Update us tomorrow evening please.

It depends how I'm feeling. If I'm in the mood to look for good stuff, and don't set out with the intention of getting pissed off, I do better. Sounds annoying and trite, but it's true. If you're completely set on a negative outlook, then that's what you'll see

Get out and about, it's absolutely still there. Although some people are just rude.

I agree. I’m in my 40s and I’ve removed myself more and more from modern life.

theres some great communities out there. I’ve recently joined some walking and hiking groups, specifically to visit historical sites and Neolithic stones.

I’ve also gone to a few solstice/beltane/folk festivals in the last few years, they’re fantastic, people from small kids to the elderly participating. DM me if you want some info. Tbh you need to be active on things like Patreon and Instagram to find out about them but you can sign up to newsletters once you’re in to find out what’s coming up. It’s all so great, I highly recommend it.

this is a good place to start - https://tradfolk.co/events/