Sporty and kids one

[YourElatedLimeShark]

I have a child aged 10 and diagnosed ASD. Struggles massively socially in new environments and people. But plays a sport they love dearly and I thought was excellent at. Many people telling me lately how much improvement they’ve seen.

it was a club from another village so many there go to school together so was always an outsider so to speak. Yet she persisted despite her often crippling anxiety.

played through the whole league dutifully albeit on the bench for most of half the games.

it was finals recently. She played extremely well in one game. Then the actual final she was benched for the whole thing and was devastated. Thinks the coach thinks nothing of her. (Didn’t help her dad let her down by attending as he had to go to his nieces 11th birthday 🙄 and she thinks he doesn’t love her etc).

I feel it’s such a huge blow to her confidence and self esteem. She was doing so remarkably well.

coach messaged after saying the game was close and hope i understand ’in the name of sport’ or whatever. Actually I don’t understand how when you know a child has ASD and you know how far they’ve come and even promise them they’ll go on next and then just don’t. I’m really upset and cross tbh and can’t shake it. Basically saying you’re not good enough to go on sorry- these other players are.

Thing is, it’s such a toxic environment. And to be honest I struggle to navigate it. If you say something it’s often blown up and spread round.

Not sure what my AIBU actually is but I’m still really sad for my daughter about it. She deserved better 🙃

It's a shit aspect of grassroots, where coaches forget it's one up from a kick about in the park. Its happens at all ages from kids to adult. Subs are still expected though. I have the view that everyone should play equally unless the club is paying the player. They call the shots then.
I would honestly find another sport. Try a few, see how she does. A ND child may struggle with teams, so maybe something more individual where this type of coach doesn't tend to be as their ego doesn't get the same massage. I know most are volunteering but it doesn't change the fact it's ego driven for these coaches, otherwise they would involve everyone and the challenge would be developing the weaker players. I know all types of martial arts is good as everyone develops at their own pace and there is usually competition if that's they need to satisfy a competitive 'itch'. I know a kid who went from football to a niche discipline of gymnastics and is excelling.

I have the view that everyone should play equally unless the club is paying the player.

that’s ridiculous and many children would actually hate this mentality. And my goodness it would be bloody patronising to a 15 year old rugby player who wants his team to win but knows that there are better plays than him