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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DSS should have wished me a happy Mother’s Day?

40 replies

Lostalongthewaay · 11/05/2025 07:11

DSS is 17, has lived on and off with us from a baby - he is currently loving between his mums and GF’s. Have a good relationship, or so I thought. I’ve never been able to have children, multiple failed pregnancies and rounds of IVF. Extremely hard journey, which left me trying to take my own life multiple times. I’m still not a peace with it, but I’m finding it easier (sometimes). It’s Mother’s Day in my country today. DSS normally gets me a gift, card or flowers and we generally go out for lunch or
dinner at some point over the weekend. DH is away with work and it’s late afternoon here. AIBU to think it isn’t too much to ask for a HMD text or call? I’m feeling pretty gutted about it, I know I’m not his mum - but I’ve played a huge part in bringing him
up and would just like to be acknowledged for the part I’ve played, which at times was a greater role than his mum.

OP posts:
BruisedNeckMeat · 11/05/2025 08:26

Mother’s Day must be a shitty day for you OP but please don’t direct your hurt and anger at your DSS.

commonsense61 · 11/05/2025 08:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Mooselooseinmyhoose · 11/05/2025 08:51

I'm a mum and a step mum so have the perspectives of both sides. It would have been nice to receive something from him but in my view it needs to be led by him and his feelings. If he doesn't feel it's right then you have to respect that as there are so many reasons he may not have done so starting with he just forgot.

I would never want my stepdaughter to feel forced to get me a mothers day card or like she had to.

rainbowunicorn · 11/05/2025 08:55

daffodil2025 · 11/05/2025 07:38

@Lostalongthewaayare you in the UK? Just wanted to check as it’s not Mother’s Day here today - it was in March I think. Sorry he’s forgotten - sounds very upsetting especially when he normally remembers you.

It is in the opening post that they aren't. Did you not read it?

Tiswa · 11/05/2025 08:58

DS loves me I know that I also know that he would do absolutely nothing for birthdays/Mothers Day/Fathers Day if it wasn’t for his older sister who organises it all. To be honest unless it appeared on his social media feed or his friends mentioned it he wouldn’t know If DD didn’t tell him about it!

alwaysamused · 11/05/2025 09:06

Lostalongthewaay · 11/05/2025 07:11

DSS is 17, has lived on and off with us from a baby - he is currently loving between his mums and GF’s. Have a good relationship, or so I thought. I’ve never been able to have children, multiple failed pregnancies and rounds of IVF. Extremely hard journey, which left me trying to take my own life multiple times. I’m still not a peace with it, but I’m finding it easier (sometimes). It’s Mother’s Day in my country today. DSS normally gets me a gift, card or flowers and we generally go out for lunch or
dinner at some point over the weekend. DH is away with work and it’s late afternoon here. AIBU to think it isn’t too much to ask for a HMD text or call? I’m feeling pretty gutted about it, I know I’m not his mum - but I’ve played a huge part in bringing him
up and would just like to be acknowledged for the part I’ve played, which at times was a greater role than his mum.

No, you're not his mum, and it sounds like your husband has been facilitating this and so your stepson forgot. It was a nice thought of your husband, but has unfortunately built up expectations. If you were his mum, you could just have brought it up yourself as in "Hey, it's mother's day, did you forget?!" But the relationship is different because you're not his mum.

Blondeshavemorefun · 11/05/2025 09:06

I’m guessing you are in oz as it’s md there as my friends there

Totallytoti · 11/05/2025 09:08

This is why I could never ever think of another child as my own or treat them like my own. You could bring them up from a baby, do all the motherly things and then rightly told you are not their mother. Yanbu op, pretty sad but that’s what it comes down to. Could it be that he is busy and there is still time to the day for him to wish you.

Tbrh · 11/05/2025 09:09

To be fair he's 17 and probably hasn't done anything for his own mum either

CheeseDreamsTonight · 11/05/2025 09:12

It does sound like it was DH not DSS previously.

BlondiePortz · 11/05/2025 09:15

He has had to put up with a lot plus you are not his mother, don't put this on to him

Seeyousoonboo · 11/05/2025 09:35

YABU you aren't his Mum.

Pinkandgreentrousers · 11/05/2025 09:36

A lot of teenage boys are crap at things like this, even with their birth mothers. My 18 year old got me nothing and we are very close.

zingally · 11/05/2025 09:56

Multiple suicide attempts because you didn't have the child you wanted. All the time you're being watched by the child you have.
I get that it must have been very hard for you, but I can't imagine it was any fun for your DSS to be told in a roundabout way, "You're not the child I want."

But also, sounds like normal teenager behaviour.

LoveWine123 · 11/05/2025 10:06

You are attaching a whole lot of meaning to what is probably forgetfulness on the boy’s part. Just because he didn’t wish you HMD, doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, respect you or want you in his life. He’s a teenager, please cut him some slack.

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