To value new friendship higher than friends of years?

[fruitloving2256]

I have made a really nice friendship over the last year. Common interests, have received lots of great advice from her on topics and we get on well. She’s a lovely kind person. I love speaking to her and meeting up when we get the chance to in both our busy lives (both work, married and have young kids)

I know this sounds weird but she’s the kind of outgoing person that everyone seems to want to befriend. She just has that infectious personality. Not sure how else to explain it.

was discussing with DH today that I consider her to be one of my best friends, more so than some of my friends who I have known since school (I am late 30s). Is this weird to feel this way about a much more recent friendship over long standing ones?

Is she love bombing you? 😂

In all seriousness I have a friend like this who has a really infectious personality and is generally just a kind warm person. She does have literally dozens of friends but does make time for me. That said it's nice to have a diverse group of friends.

Not weird but unnecessary to compare to other friendships.

Just enjoy it for what it is.

Why would it be weird? Surely it’s about the connection you have with someone, not the amount of time they’ve been in your life. My only caveat would be that there can be a bit of a honeymoon period with friendships just like there can be with relationships, and sometimes it’s just that it’s all new and exciting and there hasn’t been any opportunity for conflict yet.

Sometimes different friends are just the right ones for different times of your life, though. It doesn’t necessarily mean they’re more important, as such, just that they’re the best fit at the time for how you’re feeling and what’s happening at that point. I think it’s very normal for friendships to ebb and flow. Sounds like your new friend is a good fit for you right now - but long may it continue.

My four oldest friends are not my ‘best’ friends. I love them dearly and would hate to lose touch, and they’ll always have a big place in my heart because of the history and memories we have - we were at school together, after all! But we’ve all taken such different paths and I don’t have anywhere near as much in common with two of them - who were probably my best friends when we first met - as I once did. We’ve got very different lifestyles and priorities now.

No, not on principle, but your second paragraph is a bit strange — it sounds as if you think she’s universally appealing because she’s outgoing?

It’s exciting to make a new close friend in adulthood. And I have enjoyed my newer friends, who I’ve met in my 30s, not having been part of my adolescence and growing up years. And I love that we have our own backstories.

My school and uni friends will always have a place in my heart and serve a different purpose I suppose. They are part of my foundations and I love them.

Yes beware a honeymoon / love bomb. But enjoy getting to know new friend. Make time for friends new and old. But it’s ok to put a little more into the newer one at the mo.

Not weird - sometimes it takes a long time to meet a friend with whom you really click. I didn’t make many friends at school (although am reconnecting with a few of them following a recent reunion) but only recently met my best female friend (autocorrect changed that to feral, which just convulsed me🤣🤣🤣) and we get on better than any other friends I’ve ever known - nobody, other than family, has visited/been visited so much, and my DH and DC all love her company, too!

Sometimes friends made quickly disappear quickly but time will tell if that is the case. We can outgrow old friendships. So not weird

I agree with this.

Friendships can change over the years and you can become closer to people because of circumstances such as where you live or having children a similar age and I think that's normal.

I don't think you need to compare, time doesn't necessarily reflect the depth of a friendship, and it's normal for some to go through 'seasons' with some being more present in your life at particular points. I would say though don't neglect your other friends because you've been friendship bombed by this one- lots of people who are like this quickly move on and have lots of options socially (not a criticism people are just all different).

Disloyalty to long standing friendships is not a good look, especially on a grown woman. It takes years to get to know a person properly and build a proper bond. I think you have been bedazzled by your shiny new friend, but don't ditch old friendships solely based on your friendship with this exciting new person, it is not very endearing atoll.

Definitely not, I was having this conversation just this weekend.

For me, the smaller, more frequent, less-big-deal interactions make for a closer relationship.

Going back to where I grew up a couple of times a year and going out for dinner with my 30-year friends does not maintain a strong relationship, especially when they’re shit at communicating not in person. So unfortunately those relationships have become very surface- you can’t get particularly deep over one dinner.

I feel like my childhood friends don’t know current me, and I don't know current them - we just reminisce about our childhood selves and I hear about all their more recent friends, and what their siblings are up to.

I know a couple of my old school friends say that we can just pick up where we left off, which we do, but like I say that stays at a surface level which I would describe as ‘best friend’. And like PP says, these people are important to me and I’m not going to dump them and I love catching up with them. But they’re not automatically my most quality friendships just because they’re the longest.

Thanks for replies. I am definitely not going to start to be ‘disloyal’ to my other friends. It was just an observation on how it felt. I definitely still appreciate my other friends, just don’t feel ‘as connected’. But as people have mentioned, it’s a season of life!

Hi @fruitloving2256 , I just stumbled across this thread looking for advice. I find myself in the same position to you, and I am a similar age with the same social circumstances. I met my best friend a year ago now and she is also very outgoing and has lots of other friends who she still sees and loves, but she makes a lot of effort with me which makes me feel special. I rapidly felt she was my best friend. My issue is I am so scared of losing her and worried about what others have mentioned regarding a honeymoon phase/love bombing as she often does thoughtful things for me and tells me how much I mean to her. She makes a big effort with my family too. She hasn't waivered in this so far but I would be absolutely devasted if she did.
I still make an effort with my old friends, as much as they make it with me, and I love them very much and always will, but I would be heartbroken if anything changed between me and my new bestie as she has an effect on my daily life. I am wondering if your new best friend is still your best friend or was it just a honeymoon phase and I need to prepare myself for this? Can anyone really keep this up?