Please advise me on DS

[Hellowwq]

Can I please get some advice for my son: he’s become very introverted since starting school and seems upset when I pick him up from school. He’s year 1, aged 6. He’s had issues with one boy since reception let’s call him “Jack” (not real name) Jack got possessive of my son and basically would stop him from playing with others. My son would come home upset, as he wanted to play with other boys but would be physically blocked by jack. I spoke to school many times and seems like they were doing something but in the end they made me feel I was overreacting as the head teacher had a meeting with me and told me my son is consciously choosing Jack every playtime.

I left it and felt maybe I was in fact overreacting. Few other incidents happened. Most recently On Friday I picked my son up and he told be Jack and another boy “Sam” called him a “freak” and told him to go away as they don’t want to play with him.

I tried to be very positive with my son and said that’s actually a good thing (apart from being called a freak which I explained is a very horrible word and they shouldn’t have called him that) as he can now choose a different boy to play with on Monday without being worried about upsetting Jack.

I feel very alone as my DH doesn’t get involved and I’m worried school will be thinking I’m a weirdo who’s overreacting all the time. I have in the past been called by MIL and SIL “too sensitive” and overly emotional, so this all is in my head.

I feel really lost what to do. It’s a small private school with 18 kids in the class so it has 8 other boys in the class.

I have contacted my local authority to see if any places in our catchment schools and I am waiting to hear. Could someone please advise me please? I know private schools are hated by Mumsnet but please don’t hold that against me. I feel so helpless and I am terrified my son will become more and more quieter. He didn’t even want to leave the house today, I tried to get him to go to the park or bike ride but he just wanted to stay home.

Have you any other children @Hellowwq ?

I would move him to a state school where there are bigger classes and a bigger mix of children. The local authority is obliged to find you a place. Why pay out so much for a private school which is not meeting your son’s needs and making him unhappy?

Sadly it does seem important to be part of the ‘mum’s group’ to help a child with play dates etc. join the new school’s WhatsApp group and get involved where you can.

I had a similar issue with my son at the same age. My son is ND and doesn't always recognise healthy relationships. He became 'best friends' with another student. Other student would stop him playing with anyone else, tell him where to sit, what colour pen to do his art in, be pretty mean. It was a toxic friendship at best and bullying at worst.
I did two things, firstly spoke to school and agree that for group tasks etc they would be separated, nothing they could do about play time, and that for the next year (this year) they worked be in separate classes.
The second thing I did and probably the most effective, was model what good friendships are. Talk about my own friendships and use examples from school like saying, 'how do you think I would feel if name of my best friend stopped me going to the shops with daddy?'
Or
'Daddy bought me this lovely thing, and name of best friend would never take it off me because she likes me to be happy*.
The third thing i did was waited, and low and behold it all fizzled out. Now and again that person rears their head, but the power has gone from it now.
I don't think it's worth changing schools, it's an age problem rather than a school problem in my opinion.
Good luck...being a good mum is hard!