Am I just being sensitive or being touched out or what?

[MyOpenPearlEagle]

My 18 month toddler doesn't display any concerning behaviours but I'm starting to get concerned with my tolerance or maybe pain.

He will grab my sunglasses when I'm carrying him to the car (for example) and he will get some hair by mistake and it hurts. Grabs my eyes/nose etc, its really annoying. When I'm grabbing some time to myself than he will climb on me, on the sofa and put his hand on my throat/breasts etc, it really hurts. It makes me angry somewhat whereas other people seem to tolerate it. I just have to move away.

I now get covered in food from him and he's got grubby parts on window and baby gates for the stairs and kitchen.

I'm sick of just waiting around waiting for him to go to bed so I can tidy up properly and bored of life.

I don't have any mental illness or ND.

Just don't know what to do. And I don't have a health visitor, I'm not in the UK

Today I was trying to get into the living room via the baby gate but he wouldn't move. I had handfull of stuff as we have been away for the week and was trying to get it from the car. I was becoming so irrational.

I'm a single parent, no support

I can get like that but I'm pretty sure I'm autistic and I have severe PMT so it is worse then. I don't know if NT people get this. I suppose it's not odd if it's not all the time.

I do get that PMDD or whatever it's called but I'm not due on my period. Also I don't think I'm autistic, I don't have any difficulty in life and no one touches me like this

You can teach them not to do these things though. It’s perfectly reasonable not to like it. Sure, sometimes
they don’t understand what they’re doing, but that’s old enough to understand “No”.

We stopped all trying to reach for glasses after a pair of expensive prescription glasses got broken. Firm “No”, remove from situation, distract.
Same with touching. I didn’t allow pawing at my clothes (BF baby/toddler) or movements that could hurt. They need to learn not to do that otherwise they could hurt another child.

Today I was spoon feeding toddler beans (I was eating them for lunch and he decided he would eat nothing and would only eat my beans despite never wanting them when I tried other times). He decided to move his body and I got it all on my TV. I was furious.

I tell him all the time not to hit my face. I don't think he's hitting me in a violent way, he just likes to do it or whatever.

Also Im trying to get 5 minutes on the sofa, I can't go elsewhere and he doesn't want to play elsewhere. I don't want the hassle of telling him to get down as he will cry. He's allowed on the sofa. I had hoped he would like to just watch the tv with me but then it's the equivalent of a throat punch when he's crawling over me

Also I dnt tell him no, I say no and move his hand. When he does it again I do the same. And again. And than he's put somewhere else and starts crying

And this discussion isn't about parenting it's my reaction

You’re overstimulated, with no reprieve from a second parent. You have my total sympathy as I get this and it takes everything in my power not to snap and scream sometimes. It’s ok to stick him in front of the tv sometimes and go and take a breather in another room. Deep breaths too and counting to ten before reacting. Teach ‘mummy’s body bubble’ and explain hands to himself when you need it, he’s young now but keep consistent and it’ll sink in eventually

I think you sound exhausted, op

when does he start preschool with the free hours?

do you have any friends or family to support? I'm sure you're doing amazingly raising him alone, but we all need a break sometimes!

It sounds like you’re really overstimulated

It does sound like you are overstimulated or touched out. Like when you mentioned the pain when he took the glasses, I remember once I was super overstimulated (have 4 kids haha) and my daughter wanted to brush my hair. It felt absolutely awful like it really hurt, when it usually doesn't.
It's hard when they are so little but if you can find ways to try and calm yourself and get a little bit of space while still watching them, I sometimes tell my children I just need a little bit of time where no one is touching me (and I have to stand up to get it because if I sit down at least one of the youngest 3 will sit on me) maybe if you can take a walk with them in a pram?

It sounds like you’re massively overstimulated and getting stressed in moments when he’s doing things small children do. They do tend to be all over us when they are small, they crave constant attention and connection. I understand, I’m raising a small child alone too. I found what helped me was to try to regulate my own emotions and that helped me to stay calm when he was doing things that previously frustrated me. And I spend more time connecting with him, it helps prevent him acting up when he just wants my attention. It’s not easy when they’re that age, but I do hope you find ways to manage it in a way that is less stressful for you. One thing that also helped me not get so wound up by the feeling of being touched out, is that I remind myself regularly he will only be this small for a certain amount of time and before I know it he won’t crave this attention/connection/affection as much and I don’t want to regret not enjoying these little moments now while we can still have them. But in order to overcome feeling touched out, I had to regulate my own emotions and rationalise each situation in a way that made me react more calmly. It gets easier, just takes time and effort. Wishing you all the best, you’re doing a great job raising your child alone x

Is it irrational? I think 18 months is one of the worst ages. They have no great skills yet but want to do everything and do it badly. Very messy, very grabby, very emotional, very clumsy. No thanks! Give me a snuggly little baby or a chatty 3yr old any day.