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AIBU?

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Original poster

Controlling DP?

24 replies

Hipposat · 10/05/2025 13:56

Controlling?

DC and his team won a final earlier on today so all the kids and parents went to a beer garden. All the kids were on the play equipment and all us parents were having a drink and a chat.

DP is going on a night out so he was leaving early but DS asked if he could stay a bit longer as all his friends were staying. I said that’s ok, we’ll get a taxi home. DP wasn’t happy with this for some reason and said we were to come home with him.

I’m now at home with an upset DS!

OP posts:
Whatbloodysummer · 10/05/2025 14:01

Why did you go along with what he wanted?

It's the answer to this question that will tell you if he's 'controlling' or not.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 10/05/2025 14:01

So DP is going on a night out elsewhere tonight? At a different location to the pub?
You and DS are having a lovely time with other kids and parents on a sunny day but partner insisted you both come home… so he can go out without you both?!!
Unless you were blind drunk, hanging upside down from some swings with no knickers on, and your DC was sat there vaping and verbally abusing people at other tables, I can’t see why your partner insist you both come home?
He sounds like a miserable sod, but not that upset that he can’t go out tonight and leave you on your own with your upset child.

neilyoungismyhero · 10/05/2025 14:02

Selfish sod

Toomanydogwalks · 10/05/2025 14:15

What reason did he give you for having to go home?

Moonnstars · 10/05/2025 14:17

Is he usually like this?
Yes it sounds controlling, but why didn't you say no you wanted to stay? Are you afraid of him and the consequences of standing up to him?

gamerchick · 10/05/2025 14:23

What was his reason? I wouldn't have come back with him. If he has trust issues or just wants to wrap up a loose end by knowing you're both in the house that's his problem.

Take the bairn back it's still early.

Gymnopedie · 10/05/2025 14:31

Yes that is controlling. What's worrying is why you didn't feel able to say no you'd stick with the taxi, and would rather upset DS than DP.

Did he have any sort of reason why he was insisting you went home with him, or was it just 'because I say so'?

toomuchfaff · 10/05/2025 15:12

Yes he's controlling. What was the reason. I'd be going and taking DS back to the pub beer garden See you later, have a good time

Endofyear · 10/05/2025 16:27

What reason did he give for wanting you and DS to leave with him? I probably would have just said no, we're staying and not gone along with him - although I can't imagine my DH being like that anyway!

CombatBarbie · 10/05/2025 16:31

Fuck that, he doesn't want you and your kids out enjoying yourselves without him, whilst he's out doing whatever he wants.

Yeah I wouldn't have gone home. In fact I suggest you go back to the pub.

JLou08 · 10/05/2025 16:33

Sounds controlling. Unless there's more to it such as you have a drink problem and he's worried about you being in a pub and supervising your DC.
Did the other parents hear? If I had heard someone telling their wife they had to go home when they wanted to stay it would be ringing alarm bells.

Arlanymor · 10/05/2025 16:36

I don't understand why you came home, rather than say: "No, DS wants to stay and I am happy to stay with him. You take the car, we'll get a taxi and see you later on when you get back from your night out - have fun!"

Why did you just go along with what he said? I don't understand?

RentalWoesNotFun · 10/05/2025 16:49

Why did you and ds need to go home with him?
Did he need a shirt ironed or something that only people with a vagina can do? Selfish man. Poor child.

Pemba · 10/05/2025 16:52

Was it the cost of the taxi he was objecting to?

cornflourblue · 10/05/2025 16:54

What was his reason for objecting?

And why did you do what he wished, over what you and your DS wanted to do? What would the consequences be for you/him?

OliveWah · 10/05/2025 19:46

YANBU, that's definitely weird behaviour, especially if he's not usually like that.

My first thought was that he doesn't want you left alone with his team mates and their partners. I'd be wondering if he has he got a secret/done something embarrassing/been shagging the captain and he's terrified one of his "mates" is going to drop him in it?

Edited to add: I would definitely ask him to explain exactly why he was so uncomfortable with you staying on without him. I'd probably wait until tomorrow seeing as he's out this evening, but I'd want some answers, as I wouldn't want him to think he can make a habit of controlling my/our DC's social lives!

Devilmentpleassure · 10/05/2025 19:48

You know the answer @Hipposat .

nutbrownhare15 · 10/05/2025 20:07

If my DH hadn't been happy with it I'd have done what I wanted and wished him a good night out. Is there a reason why you couldn't do this? As if there is that's probably and indication that he is controlling.

Bunnyisputbackinthebox · 10/05/2025 20:11

Does he always get his own way? Surely nobody needs to ask permission to do such a thing?

Temporaryname158 · 10/05/2025 20:12

Whether it is controlling its hard to tell from one incident but I’ve no idea why you agreed.

if you feared his reaction or always follow his lead then yes he might be. I’d ask yourself why he gets to decide what you do, why did he want your son home when on a sunny day he was having fun with friends.

he doesn’t sounds a kind person to be married to

YesYesAllGood · 10/05/2025 20:22

Pemba · 10/05/2025 16:52

Was it the cost of the taxi he was objecting to?

This was my first thought. Does he have money worries? Is he just very tight-fisted?

BakelikeBertha · 10/05/2025 21:12

OP, you obviously posted because you're concerned about this, so please come back and answer the questions being asked.

steff13 · 10/05/2025 21:15

I think it's hard to tell whether it's controlling without knowing what his reason was.

Bunnyisputbackinthebox · 10/05/2025 21:17

He had money for a night out though...

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