Don't want to go back to FT

[Pt4ever]

Hello,

A bit of a disagreement between between DH and myself, I've been PT since DS was born, he's currently in reception. I work two days a week one being at the weekend, these are 11hr days,

DH would like me to go back to FT and pick up another day, childcare isn't an issue and the money would help but I'm really settled doing PT, I'm not sure I could manage with my mental health, I've a a history of anxiety and depression.

DH works FT, four compressed days, we split housework very well.

Any ideas on what I can say as I don't really want to be FT again, this is a sticking point for us.

Thank you.

Would he agree if you picked up more of the housework, rather than splitting it equally? If you are part time and child in school full time, you should be doing more of the housework etc than your husband

I think you’re totally unreasonable.

I think for 1partner to work less than the other both have to be in agreement
Personally I am too keen on my independence to ever work less than my DH

I think your dh is trying to tell you he is under pressure here and you need to bring in more money @Pt4ever what about his mental health? I think one more day would be acceptable and not too taxing

I think i'd explain to him and discuss. I also work PT. But know I could not work full time. 4 days a week (30 hr) is my max. We have discussed this and agreed it. Ideally i'd stay at my current 2.5 days a week but when DD starts school I accept i do need to contribute more and this was a fair compromise for us. Bulk of school holidays fall to me also. So less hours make sense while younger.

Is there a compromise to pick up the odd extra shift? Or an extra half day? I think a degree of compromise needs to happen.

Well if you want to stay PT, but now have extra time on your hands due to DS being in school, maybe offer to pick up his ‘share’ of the housework? You still get more time than you would FT, and he benefits from you staying home. Honestly I think he has a valid point so to argue against it you probably want to find ways to demonstrate how you staying PT will make his life easier/ways the whole family benefits.

It depends on how much you need the money but I agree with others if you stay part time you should do the bulk of housework

YABU, OP. You don’t get to not work simply because you don’t want to when you’re in a partnership. Look for a new job if current one doesn’t suit.

Why does he want you to go full time? It sounds fair enough to be honest as long as he’s willing to keep the housework split fair

I think you need to think about it and look at strategies to look after your mental health
is your DH feeling under pressure?

So one extra day of 11hrs - 32 hours a week? That’s still part time. Why does he have to work full time but you get to chill?

If you pick up another day thats 3 days, not 5. Unless your sector has 12 hour days ( I know some do), thats still a long way from full time. I think yabu to expect him to do full time while you do less than 50%.

Obviously not sure what job you are doing, which could have an impact on your wellbeing but 2 x 11hr days is quite intensive. Equivalent to 3 shorter days, which seems reasonable PT work.
Maybe need a conversation with him about options that don't automatically mean you have to work more hours. Can any savings be made, do some other work for shorter hours etc...

So you are happy with the split on housework (and presumably childcare), but would like him to continue to work full-time so you don't have to? I think you know that is unreasonable, and tbh "I don't want to work full time, you carry on mate, because working will make me depressed" is blackmail. What about his mental health? I am not seeing it as a sticking point "for us" as much as a sticking point for you - he's already working full-time.

So if he wanted to cut back his hours would you be ok with that? Both parents should have a choice shouldn't they?

So is he wanting you to go FT because he feels slighted in some way - i work more than you type stuff? What's his reasoning? Because if it's a jealousy type situation then YANBU but can he reduce his hours?

I’m sure you’ll get used to it. Plenty of people work more hours than they really want to. Needs must.

Does your work have to be 11 hour days? Is there an option to do more hours but more spread out?

What do you do on the 4 weekdays you have all to yourself if your DS is at school?

I think you are being unfair. The family would benefit from you bringing extra money in, whereas it sounds like the only one who really benefits from you only working 2 days a week is you.

Working an extra day will still give you 4 days off so its worth considering

How would you feel if you worked FT, did half the house work and your DH decided he only wanted to work 2 days a week?