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[lycheetothestar]

I went to a speed dating event last night.

im really proud of myself as it’s the first time and I went alone and actually it was quite fun. Some interesting people and a few slightly odd ones.

I am annoyed with myself as when it ended, the very last person I was talking to asked for my number. You don’t actually need to exchange numbers as you can do it via the website afterwards by choosing who you liked. I wanted to say ‘I’d prefer to do it via the website’ but then I felt uncomfortable so I said ok, and I’m sure he saw I was hesitant. But anyway I gave him my number and I’ve been annoyed the whole evening. It’s showed me I need to work on my boundaries and people pleasing.

anyway this morning, I did send my matches back and put on there no match for him but he’s just messaged me saying “how are you? Did you get back ok last night?”

I know it’s pathetic to ask but what should I reply to shut it down. I feel weirdly exposed by giving my number, and also he was very shady in the 5 min chat about what he did. I’m just feeling quite aggrieved with myself.

You can amend your profession to "I work in x industry" so a doctor works in healthcare, a teacher works in education etc.

Don't answer it, just block. He didn't put you as a match, so that is a bit odd. Trust your instincts.

He did put me as a match but I didn’t put him as one.

But when they say “what do you do in healthcare or education?” then what do you say?

Sorry I meant to quote you with my question above!

Ah, sorry, I misunderstood.
I still think you should trust your instincts.
Can I ask if there is a reason why you wouldn't want to say what your job is? I agree that you shouldn't give details away that could make you searchable on the internet. Would mentioning your role to them do this?

If he’s at the next one, or you encounter him in any other way, could you say you’re sorry but you gave him a fake number last time. This way he won’t know you blocked him and he won’t think that’s your phone number anymore. And if he wants your number still/again you can actually just say No.

Just don't answer him. You owe him zilch. And I can't help thinking that many men probably put everyone as a match regardless.

Just ignore him. You are not obliged to reply.

So this is where you practice boundaries. "I'd rather not discuss my job just now, what's your favourite movie genre?"

Yes it’s quite public facing and in some ways high profile. So I don’t want people making assumptions or attracted to the ‘fame’ or anything nefarious which it could induce.

Totally sensible. And it's ok to have it off-limits for a speed dating event, or even the first few dates, beyond a general industry. Some people might not like it but first impressions are about getting to know someone's personality and their likes/dislikes, it doesn't really matter what their job is so long as they're not unemployed and looking for somewhere to cocklodge.