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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being too overprotective?

33 replies

GwenSaturn · 10/05/2025 10:29

DH and I have always had different approaches to parenthood but we’re struggling even more now the kids are a bit older and it’s causing conflict.

Here’s the latest one. DD, 12, friend at school has her invited to a sleepover at her dad’s house. It’s a new friendship and we’ve never even met the girl, let alone her dad! We don’t know where either of the parents live, who’s in the house, anything about them or who else is staying over. I said no, absolutely no way. DD was totally fine about this and admitted she was a bit apprehensive about staying somewhere she didn’t know anyway.

Then DH walks in the room and DD tells him about it. He says, yeah that’s fine, you can go. I was shocked! Obviously I explain all the reasons why I think she shouldn’t go but DH says we’ll invite the girl over to suss her out, get some info and it’ll all be fine. I think we need to get to know them over a few MONTHS not a few weeks. I don’t mind her going over there for a few hours but a sleepover so soon seems a big step. He says he doesn’t see what the big deal is. I’ve let her have sleepovers with families we know. I just don’t feel comfortable if I don’t know them.

I have reasons in my past to be cautious about letting my children stay over strangers houses, so I don’t know if this is clouding my judgement.

It just makes me feel like he just doesn’t care. Aren’t dads supposed to be protective over their girls?

AIBU?

OP posts:

LauritaEvita · 10/05/2025 19:10

I think this is one of those where your response is shaped by your own experience. I had a few friends with weird dads/ stepdads when I was a kid and didn’t ever want to stay in their houses. I wouldn’t let any of my kids go and stay in a house where I hadn’t met the parents.

Wayk · 10/05/2025 19:12

No way would I send my daughter to a strange man's house. You are 💯 right not to allow a sleepovers

Hardlyworking · 10/05/2025 19:32

GwenSaturn · 10/05/2025 12:42

“If you see dangers everywhere and preventatively avoid everything”

Wow! That’s a bit of a reach! Where did you get “we avoid everything” from my post? I specifically said she has had other sleepovers.

My DD has gone to plenty of people’s houses and had many sleepovers before. She does karate and has climbed a mountain and done caving, etc. She’s not sheltered from life! But she’s feel’s apprehensive about this, as do I. As another poster said, she’s 12, not 15.

Show quote history

Ah, so here's the true reason. It's not you don't know the family, it's because it's a single dad! Why do you think a single dad is more likely to abuse your daughter than a married one?

The stats say that if anyone, it will be a close family member or friend of yours that abuses her.

MoveYourSelfDearie · 10/05/2025 19:40

Hardlyworking · 10/05/2025 19:32

Ah, so here's the true reason. It's not you don't know the family, it's because it's a single dad! Why do you think a single dad is more likely to abuse your daughter than a married one?

The stats say that if anyone, it will be a close family member or friend of yours that abuses her.

Show quote history

This seems unnecessary snippy? Do you have a bee in your bonnet about something?

LokeyCokey · 10/05/2025 20:40

I’m with you but then I work in safeguarding so I’m programmed to be cautious and surrounded by worst case scenarios! If your DD is equally cautious then it’s doing no harm to her…

Original poster

GwenSaturn · 10/05/2025 21:04

Hardlyworking · 10/05/2025 19:32

Ah, so here's the true reason. It's not you don't know the family, it's because it's a single dad! Why do you think a single dad is more likely to abuse your daughter than a married one?

The stats say that if anyone, it will be a close family member or friend of yours that abuses her.

Show quote history

That’s a huge assumption to make. Why would you think that?

OP posts:

Original poster

GwenSaturn · 10/05/2025 21:05

MoveYourSelfDearie · 10/05/2025 19:40

This seems unnecessary snippy? Do you have a bee in your bonnet about something?

Show quote history

Right?! Thank you. Some huge assumptions being made on this thread. 😳

OP posts:

PurpleThistle7 · 10/05/2025 21:30

I have a 12 year old and I do struggle with navigating all this so I get it. I find it a massive jump to go from holding her hand to cross the street to waving her off to go do whatever just a few years later. I think in this situation it’s totally fair to suggest she just go round for a not sleepover (my daughter does this sometimes where she has her friends round for dinner etc and they’re picked up around 10 or so) and I’d want to drop her over or pick her up so I could at least meet the father. Outside of this I’m not sure how you’d ever get to know any of her new friends as it’s not like you’re all chatting on the school run anymore.

My daughter had her first birthday sleepover party when she turned 10 and one of her friends just showed up at my door. His mum had never met me or my daughter and just dropped him at the end of our street. Was a bit bemused by that!

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