Some parents lack any self awareness..?

BlackPantherPrincess · 2025-05-10T09:09:26+00:00

When I say parents I mean people as much as anything. At a hobby with my DC, one is younger, there class is first and older DC goes in after. So I’m there quite a while on a Saturday morning. There’s a parent here who speaks to her children like crap, an absolute bully. Her kids were perfectly pleasant and polite and yet she was spewing vitriol at them telling them they’re winding her up and pushing her buttons. I know everyone can have a bad day and I’m not perfect - but can recognise when I’ve added to the issues and not behaved as I would like. I felt really uncomfortable with how she was speaking to her kids. She’s shouting across the waiting area at them - rather than get off her arse and speak to them at a normal volume. Dad has appeared midway through the class and between them they’re discussing how one of their children is getting bullied at school and how terrible the parents are. I’m sat thinking the poor boy is bullied at school AND at home. He doesn’t have a safe space. To add - I’ve witnessed all this before on many occasions so I doubt it’s just a really bad day (tbh even if it was it’s still upsetting).

LeaveTaking · 10/05/2025 10:21

I am often shocked by how parents, and adults in general, speak to children. Like they’re not humans like adults are.

I imagine it might be learned behaviour from their childhood?

Equally shocked when adults don’t give children autonomy or choice they would an adult. Within reason obviously, sometimes they needs shoes on even if they don’t want them….

Original poster

BlackPantherPrincess · 10/05/2025 11:03

Me too. How children are treated as disturbances of the peace rather than people in their own rights.

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DancefloorAcrobatics · 10/05/2025 11:15

Nothing new, the worst type are the ones who discuss some of their DC private stuff in front of DC in the school playground with other parents.

Like one particular parent: was talking about the 8yo still wetting the bed . And then there are the ones that keep such a conversation going....

minnienono · 10/05/2025 11:23

@LeaveTaking

whilst there are times when choice is fine for dc eg do you want an ice cream or a lolly? Which chocolate bar do you want? There are many times when I see parents today “giving their child autonomy” when it is completely inappropriate - children need to learn from a young age when it’s ok to be able to choose and when you do what the adult says, much of the issues in schools is down to children not being taught to do what they are told eg sit down and do x at a fairly young age. As an adult you have learned when it’s appropriate to choose and when it isn’t, children haven’t so sometimes you need to remove that autonomy. Whilst I have no idea about the family in the op, you don’t know what else has happened when you see a family situation, never make assumptions.

LeaveTaking · 10/05/2025 11:44

minnienono · 10/05/2025 11:23

@LeaveTaking

whilst there are times when choice is fine for dc eg do you want an ice cream or a lolly? Which chocolate bar do you want? There are many times when I see parents today “giving their child autonomy” when it is completely inappropriate - children need to learn from a young age when it’s ok to be able to choose and when you do what the adult says, much of the issues in schools is down to children not being taught to do what they are told eg sit down and do x at a fairly young age. As an adult you have learned when it’s appropriate to choose and when it isn’t, children haven’t so sometimes you need to remove that autonomy. Whilst I have no idea about the family in the op, you don’t know what else has happened when you see a family situation, never make assumptions.

That’s why I said within reason.

NannyPlum7 · 10/05/2025 11:49

minnienono · 10/05/2025 11:23

@LeaveTaking

whilst there are times when choice is fine for dc eg do you want an ice cream or a lolly? Which chocolate bar do you want? There are many times when I see parents today “giving their child autonomy” when it is completely inappropriate - children need to learn from a young age when it’s ok to be able to choose and when you do what the adult says, much of the issues in schools is down to children not being taught to do what they are told eg sit down and do x at a fairly young age. As an adult you have learned when it’s appropriate to choose and when it isn’t, children haven’t so sometimes you need to remove that autonomy. Whilst I have no idea about the family in the op, you don’t know what else has happened when you see a family situation, never make assumptions.

Agreed. My 9 year old is currently kicking off about coming out on a family walk. I can’t leave her here on her own for the day. She’s not getting the option. She’s coming with us. I’m not being held to ransom all weekend because she doesn’t feel like walking.

(plus she always does this and enjoys it once we get going)

Original poster

BlackPantherPrincess · 10/05/2025 12:03

DancefloorAcrobatics · 10/05/2025 11:15

Nothing new, the worst type are the ones who discuss some of their DC private stuff in front of DC in the school playground with other parents.

Like one particular parent: was talking about the 8yo still wetting the bed . And then there are the ones that keep such a conversation going....

I can understand discussing those issues in a trusted group to gauge experience and share strategies - but I agree it should be discreet.

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CrispieCake · 10/05/2025 12:04

Parents can't win. Either they pussy-foot around their kids and are too soft or they're mean and nasty trying to keep them in order.

I saw a woman with a boy of around 7 or 8 and a little girl on the bus the other day. The boy was moving around the seat and swinging on the rails, and was winding up the little one, and the mother got quite cross telling him to 'sit down and she didn't want to hear another sound or he wouldn't like what would happen". An older couple were obviously quite amused by their antics - they were cute kids - and the woman told the mum "They're only kids, love. They're not being too bad. Just endless energy, they have". The older child grinned at them and started bouncing up and down again. The mum smiled politely but looked annoyed. My sympathies were entirely with her!

Original poster

BlackPantherPrincess · 10/05/2025 12:56

@CrispieCake I mean, they can just be decent human beings and speak to them with some respect and affection. There’s a world of difference between “parenting” and bullying. These kids didn’t need pulling into line they were behaving fine.

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MrsSkylerWhite · 10/05/2025 13:04

Saw exactly this in a clothes shop couple of weeks ago. A very loud woman telling her child that she was “winding her up” and “doing her head in”. The poor little kid was strapped into her pushchair, doing absolutely nothing wrong. The woman just kept on.

Springhassprungxx · 10/05/2025 13:06

I hate this too op - just no need for it and makes me really uncomfortable cos if you say anything it could make it worse for the poor child.