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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel a little pang of suspicion over this?

4 replies

Blazepidgeon · 10/05/2025 09:59

Yesterday my dh came back from collecting something from marketplace and loudly announced to me and his mum that he’d been so long because the traffic along the high street was bad and also he’d been to see an ex colleague of his.
This ex college of his lives in our town. Before she left, she had lots of problems at work and it was my partners role as a manager to help her through it. He talked about her a lot during this period and tbh it began to make me a little uncomfortable. He also did things like look for cars for her online and send her car recommendations. At the time I sort of questioned it, I think something like ‘could her dp not help her with that?’ But he said he just likes doing it, which he does. But hasn’t done it for anyone else except his dad and me, as far as I’m aware. So I thought that was a bit odd, but I was pregnant at the time and possibly a tad hormonal, and then she left anyway, so I didn’t think about it again after that.

But 6 months on, he’s popped in to see her (it was close to where he was collecting the thing from apparently). But he has literally never in all the time I’ve known him popped in to see an ex colleague or a friend (He doesn’t have many friends outside of his family, which is fine) so it felt a little… odd.

Im postpartum, so still possibly (definitely!) a bit hormonal and I’m trying hard to tell myself that I just need to trust him. It just feels off- talk me down!

OP posts:
Gymnopedie · 10/05/2025 11:10

But 6 months on, he’s popped in to see her

If it has literally been six months then it's nothing to be suspicious about.

Have you ever had any worries before, any other times he's been gone for much longer than you would have expected? If not, let it go.

toomuchfaff · 10/05/2025 11:14

Crux of the matter is you don't trust him?

I wouldn't be questioning my DH if he said he'd popped in to see ex colleague, thats because i have no reason to question him. You obviously do, your gut has told you before.

So why don't you trust him? Is it Justified?

Poppyseeds79 · 10/05/2025 11:19

Had he already pre arranged tying that in though? I mean it does seem odd if he though "Oh, Sue lives nearby where I'm collecting items from. I'll message and see if she wants me to pop round". If it was spur of the moment.

Totally different if he'd bumped into her in town and said they had a quick coffee and catch up. Which would seem much more normal to me.

poetryandwine · 10/05/2025 11:28

Does your DH love cars and enjoy helping people choose them?

I know two men who are deeply into cars and valued by family, friends and colleagues for their ability to help pick the right car for the person (of either sex). They both find this deeply satisfying and I very much doubt either has a hidden agenda.

I can’t comment on the rest and I am sorry you are going through this, but if your DH loves cars I can understand his pleasure in helping someone choose a car. Perhaps you should encourage him to talk cars with male colleagues also. He may need more friends

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