It’s likely that my DD (17 months) might have autism. Will she be able to lead a somewhat normal life?

[sha160528]

Hi,
Not really an AIBU but posted here for traffic

My DD is 17 months and after a visit from the HV and Early Years Worker today, I was told that it is likely that DD will receive an Autism diagnosis at some point in her life - she didn’t say it’s a definite diagnosis but based on her observations and the test she did - it is likely especially as her dad is Autistic too.

I didn’t get that much guidance in regards to what this will mean for DD. I guess as DD is still quite young it’s hard to say, but I’ve just had a little cry as I worry about what this means for DD long-term. Will she make meaningful friendships? Will she be bullied? What if she’s discriminated in the world of work? What if people try to use her for their own gain? Etc

I am willing to engage in whatever help I can give to her but I worry about the future for her and I know no one can say exactly where she’ll sit on the spectrum but I feel like I’m mourning the loss of the life my DD could’ve had (I don’t have anything against Autism but both her dad and my sister have experienced the above negative feelings of rejection etc in society) and it worries me

It was the health visitor that said the Ops child would likely get a diagnosis though ,which i think is way over stepping the mark and incredibly un professional

Absolutely. Which is why it’s always best to ignore people who are mad. I found most HV’s a bit odd tbh, and I put in professional complaints about two. Twats who way overstepped their knowledge base and were downright dangerous.

I feel like this hugely minimises what parents of children with severe disabilities go through to be honest.

I don’t think it’s unusual for a first time mother to feel anxious about something at some point? I think it would be more worrying if I was in denial and wasn’t keen on engaging with professionals to get whatever help is out there. Not sure if you’ve read the whole thread but my partner is autistic, my sister is autistic and my DD’s M-Chat score was medium + to top that all the Early Years Worker mentioned that it’s likely she’ll get a diagnosis of Autism at some point so I wouldn’t say my worries are unjust or I’m trying to fabricate something out of thin air. My partner got NO support whatsoever, same with my sister and both of them struggled in many different aspects of their life hence why I’m trying to be proactive. I’ll admit I do worry a lot but the unknown makes me anxious as all I want as a mother is for her to lead a life that makes her happy and that means putting in place whatever she needs regardless of whether she’s Autistic or not.

Responses like this stop people from reaching out to other people because they’re classed as ‘red flags’ for worrying about their child where there’s markers to worry.

I’ve had some great support on this thread and although initially it was to gain an insight into how people’s experiences have been I’ve gained a lot of information as to what I can do to help her( regardless of whether she’s on the spectrum) and I’ve received a few private messages of useful information too from mum’s that have once been where I am now.

It’s NORMAL to worry about your child as a first time mum especially. Yes I do worry about the unknown a lot but that’s because of what I’ve seen in regards to how autistic people I know have been treated.

I suppose, with so many autistic loved ones and family members, my first question is: why are you asking us? 🙂

You already know what your child might grow up like. You've always known. You knew at the point where you looked at your dear partner and decided to have a child together.

It would be weirder if you had a child with an autistic partner and there was a 100% chance of them being neurotypical because that would mean they somehow didn't take after your partner, at all.

Genuinely, if your partner is autistic and you have an autistic sister, you already know. You've always known. You will get a child who you, or your partner, know exactly how to parent, they will seem both 'perfect' and 'perfectly normal', and every problem you have will be with the rest of the world.

@Londonwriter because both my partner and my sister didn’t get help so it resulted in them having many issues growing up (in different ways). Ideally I wanted insight of someone who did catch it early and what intervention was offered and how it has helped (or not helped)

It’s sounds like joint attention is present - she is bringing things to show you and starting to point using an open hand. If she sees something of interest outside, what does she do? Plus, she is starting to talk and pretend play is evident. Does she follow understand/follow simple instructions such as ‘ find your shoes’ , ‘where’s teddy?’ At this age children’s attention skills are very variable and single channelled. They need help to stop what they are doing and shift their attention to what you are saying. Absolutely normal. Does she have any obsessions or repetitive behaviours? If not , I wouldn’t worry at the moment.

You're aware of your partner and sister's experiences and don't want to repeat them. Their parents didn't have those advantages and that's, well, enough.

If your DD does get an autism diagnosis, you'll find that autism, or at least, your extended families' personal brand of autism is poorly understood and, by knowing your family members, you'll do a better job than any professional.

It is enough to know, to care, and to do your best :)