To think this wouldn’t have been said to a man?

[Tulelpg]

Or am I being unfair?

Work meeting with senior manager regarding a client. Towards the end of the meeting he asked how I was finding being back from maternity leave (been back around 10 weeks). I said all was going well, and hopefully he thought the same, to which he said ‘no issues but it would I be good to see some personality.’

I didn’t know what to say as I’ve always been very sociable at work but maybe I’m not as fun as I was before having a child. I can’t stop feeling like it wouldn’t have been said to a man though. AIBU?

It's not helpful feedback. It's not specific. You could show your personality by being rude and obnoxious...

I have had to have discussions with my manager about aspects of behaviour, when for a male colleague, we were told, that's the way he is, you have to accept it. Right...

It’s vague and insulting feedback and not constructive

and the alternative would be to be factual and say you look unenthusiastic and sound monotone which I doubt would of gone down any better

@rwalker how do you know the op sounded monotone

Rude twat. Ignore him.

Yes but that would be descriptive at least!

The current framing is undermining without any of the upside of direct-but-could-help feedback…

Things like this are never said to men. I had something similar said to me in relation to me applying for a different role where they were concerned how the pressure would impact me as I was just back from maternity leave.

My partner who was interviewing also at the time was never once asked how his childcare responsibilities might impact on his job.

He has never received a comment about how his family life impacts on his role.

You are not being unreasonable. Its a disgrace.

‘no issues but it would I be good to see some personality.’
"I'm just following your example Jeff", would have been my reply.

Tbh, I think it’s a legitimate constructive criticism, and I can imagine it being said to a man too. If it’s true!!

Is what he’s saying “I have nothing in common with you”?

Either way it’s a dick comment.

It possibly wouldn’t have been said to a man. But let’s face it, it’s the women who are mostly affected physically and emotionally from child rearing so he’s possibly not wrong if you have changed. Not saying you have. Men are far less affected and do tick along just the same as before.

Well no it wouldn’t be said to a man because men don’t return from maternity leave.

He probably thought he was being funny, up to you to put him in his place. Nothing to do with being a man or woman.

It’s always fun in circumstances like this to hear people reaching for reasons why things aren’t sexist!

Urgh! Everyone has to be an extrovert at work these days.

Unless they work at a funfair why should people be expected to ‘liven up’ the way they do their job?