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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Absent father

4 replies

Blueberry1980 · 09/05/2025 18:46

I have been separated from my daughters father for 12 years. He decided to start a relationship with a woman whose father abused me as a child. As a result there was a court order which stipulated her family was not allowed around our child. He, being utterly selfish decided to not see our daughter because it would interfere with his new relationship. Fast forward years of no contact or child maintenance due to pleading poverty and being self employed (a large property portfolio which he rents and a business owner may I add) our daughter is now 15 and has been curious about her dad understandably. She has reached out to him over the past few years with no response and was even ignored in public last year when he walked right past her. Anyway, yesterday he appeared claiming he was upset and wanted to reconnect (I started an investigation into his earnings in April). Our daughter said she wanted to see him and said this weekend, she’s eager of course! He has responded saying he needs time, maybe a few weeks. I am so utterly angry, I will not stop my daughter seeing him but how dare he do that and then say oh I need time! I want to tell him to do one. There is lots more to this. I feel so annoyed and keep thinking he has been contacted about his earnings snd this is the whole reason for this. This may be just a huge rant but can anyone relate to this or am I just an angry ex

OP posts:
Endofyear · 09/05/2025 20:03

I'm so sorry he is such a selfish and useless father 🙁 it's the hardest thing to see your child hurt, especially by a person who should be the one to make her feel safe and loved. He is a shit and I hope karma comes for him.

Look at it this way - he's the one who has missed out. You have a wonderful daughter and he will never have the relationship that you have with her. She will come to realise what a lazy selfish human being he is. All you can do is love and support her and encourage her to always talk to you about how she feels.

Blueberry1980 · 09/05/2025 20:39

Thank you endofyear! It’s nice to hear from you and your opinion on this. It’s really hard to know if I’m even doing the right thing or feeling the right way, all I want to do is keep him away but my daughter will hate me for that. But sitting about whilst he emotionally messes with her infuriates me. Him wanting “time” after pleading just make me want to punch his lights out. I will be calm, I will listen to my daughter and I will not stand in the way. I just don’t know what to do with the anger 😞

OP posts:
Endofyear · 09/05/2025 20:50

Blueberry1980 · 09/05/2025 20:39

Thank you endofyear! It’s nice to hear from you and your opinion on this. It’s really hard to know if I’m even doing the right thing or feeling the right way, all I want to do is keep him away but my daughter will hate me for that. But sitting about whilst he emotionally messes with her infuriates me. Him wanting “time” after pleading just make me want to punch his lights out. I will be calm, I will listen to my daughter and I will not stand in the way. I just don’t know what to do with the anger 😞

Get together with some good friends, crack open the wine, have a massive rant and get it off your chest. Think up some suitable revenge scenarios with your friends, the more outlandish the better! I bought my friend a novelty voodoo doll when her ex was being vile - it made her laugh! Big hugs to you and your daughter 💐

Blueberry1980 · 09/05/2025 21:09

This is going to sound really sad but I have nobody. I work and come home, that’s it. Hence why I posted here 😞

OP posts:
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