To think this was tactless and mean

[Anonymous2003]

Going to visit DP this weekend who currently lives with his friend (also male). We were planning a day out for tomorrow and he said that his friend wants to come too. I said that it would be nice if the two of us had a day together as it's been a while. We don't see each other that often per month (longish distance) whereas he goes out with his friend all the time.
He texted me today saying his friend won't be coming tomorrow anymore. When I asked him why not, he said "because you don't want him there". I asked did he actually say that to him? He replied "yeah because that's what you said".
AIBU to be pissed off and embarrassed that he told his friend this and the way it was worded... I would still go if the 3 of us were going but now I am too embarrassed to show my face. I am hurt that he did this instead of gently saying that we would like time together as a couple.

I think your DP's bullshitting you about what he said to his friend to make you feel guilty.

Why on earth did the mate want to come along?
And why on earth was your DP okay with his mate tagging along in the first place?

This is such a weird situation.

@WerkItBabes I should have added that his friend is also a friend of mine through him. We have gone out together as a 3 before in the past. He has wanted to go this place tomorrow for a while apparently too which also makes me feel bad. I just wanted the 2 of us to spend time together for once. They can go whenever they want but I live nearly 3 hours away.

Sounds as though your partner just views you as another mate.
One he’s not particularly close to.

what age is your dp- 5?

Yeah he should have worded it that you wanted to spend time alone rather than you didn’t want him there, because there is actually a difference. Ask him to explain that, or explain to the friend yourself. Don’t be embarrassed to show your face.
It’s a bit of a pink flag though so I’d be keeping my eye out for whether this is one-off kind of behaviour.

I'd put that in the nothing to do with me bin tbh. It's his mate. How he decides to tell him not to come on the day out is his business. Perhaps, like a lot of men, they have the sort of relationship where they can be blunt and no offence taken. Regardless, it's not your concern. You didn't want him to come and he's not coming. Frankly, the fact that either of them needed it pointing out that you'd rather go with just your BF is surprising.

Narrrr I think it’s fine. You don’t want the friend there, it’s true. The friend shouldn’t take offence, they should realise couples need time just the two of them.

id be questioning how serious your boyfriend is about you though to want to bring his mate on a date.

Well if the other guy is also your friend, then you probably should have told him yourself. Then you could have used the words you preferred him to hear.

@5128gap we aren't close enough friends that I would text him or anything, if anything he is a friend through DP tbh

Well, your partner sounds like a bit of a shit-stirrer. He could have easily said it in a more tactful way. It's like he wanted to deliberately cause upset between the friend and you. What's that all about?
If the friend is also your friend, presumably you have his number so how about you contact him directly to explain it isn't exactly the way your partner put it? Let him know it's not about 'not wanting him there', it's about wanting to have time together with just your partner sometimes, which is not unreasonable given that you have very little time together anyway. If the friend thinks that's unreasonable, then that's on him.
ETA didn't see the previous reply about texting the friend as i was writing this at the time.

Why doesn't your dp want to be alone with you? That's the question I would focus on. I wouldn't give a shit what the friend thinks.

@Anonymous2003 YANBU No. I had a similar situation with my recent ex. So I only saw DP once per week or so for few hours because of his shift pattern and after a year of dating, we were going to spend a few nights away at a self- catering cottage. I was really looking forward to it as I wanted to see what he was like when it was 24/7 us living together for a few days. I also wasn’t fully certain of him due to some potentially pink-ish flags so it was to be an important trip or more reasons than one for me.

So a few weeks beforehand he said his 18 year old daughter (who I only ever saw once for a quick hello when she got a lift back to her moms from her dad), wanted to come with us. So given that this was a short winter break in an isolated area where nothing was planned other than a long walk in morning then cooking dinner and cuddling in front of tv talking through personal stuff I felt she would find it boring and also we wouldn’t be able to talk openly about relationship stuff that needed discussing so I said I’d prefer she didn’t on this one if he agreed but was happy to go away again in few months and have her join us to which he agreed.

Anyway cut a long story short, his daughter when I next saw her was very cold. My suggestions of going out on day trips/weekend breaks with his daughter were always met with ‘she’s busy with friends’ like literally every single time. So I realised that instead of my ex letting her down gently and why it was important just on this one we be alone but would love her to be part of any future ones and even for her to be part of the selection on some occasions, he must have just said ‘Lucy doesn’t want you to come!’. It was only after I broke it off with him a year later that I realised this as he always used to ‘joke’ that he’d always tell his daughter when he’s older not to forget everything he did for her so that she wouldn’t turn her back on him if he ever needed help and in our time together he did seem ‘scared’ to properly parent her so yeah was extremely disappointing that ex pushed me under the bus because he didn’t have the backbone/words to communicate the message in a more adult and sensitive way!

OP if you intend on staying with DP then you need to ensure he understands this is not okay as you wouldn’t want him doing this again where a greater number of friends/more important scenario was at stake!

I would be wondering why somebody wh9 I am long distance with and didn't see that many times a month wouldn't think to spend time alone with me without me pointing it out. I wouldn't even bother my arse visiting somebody who invited somebody that he lived with along t o o -

What a twat you are wasting your time with.
Why are you travelling?

YABU. You don't want him there, your partner told him that, end of story. I doubt the friend has taken any offence to it.