Am I in the wrong

9 replies

Moorh · 09/05/2025 13:00

My sister got a new job and is getting mad because I asked her to make other arrangements for her son to be picked up from school by either her or her partner about 2 to 3 times a week instead of it all being on me. Our children go to the same school and her son and my eldest are in the same year. Since they were all in nursery I have been doing the bulk of her child care. I work less due to my childrens ages and I now have moved back in with my mum who has had stroke. She is ok but has lost some sight and can no longer drive and struggles with other things around the home. This has also affected my wages as I have had to alter my working. I have told my sister it is becoming too much for me and she isn’t happy about it. I’m being guilted that her son doesn’t feel welcome. But with the kids being around each other so much they are constantly fighting. She also doesn’t give me any money towards food or anything.

OP posts:

Throwmoneyatit · 09/05/2025 13:02

They're her children. She needs to get an after school club or her and her husband need to change their hours/take a pay cut to facilitate picking their own children up.
Don't feel bad for stopping unpaid childcare that you can no longer provide. Unfortunately for her, it doesn't suit you anymore.
Be strong!

BlahBlahBittyBlah · 09/05/2025 13:04

She’s had it good for too long and seems to have come to think she’s entitled to it. The guilt trip is unfair. How much of the extra care your mum needs is she taking on? I’m guessing little to none. Stand your ground and she can like it or lump it.

RhaenysRocks · 09/05/2025 13:04

Of course you are not. I wouldn't bring up the fighting etc, that's a whole can of worms. The fewer complex reasons you give the less she has to pick apart. "Sorry sis, now I'm dealing with mum I can't manage Jonny every day. I'll do it til summer hols but please arrange childcare from X date.". That's it, on repeat.

WearyAuldWumman · 09/05/2025 13:05

What would she do if she didn't have a sister? She can do that.

HorrorFan81 · 09/05/2025 13:09

You have been more than generous and it sounds like she is being pretty selfish and entitled. You definitely need to establish some boundaries and be clear about what will be happening from now on. Sorry about your mum that sounds really tough 😢

Nameftgigb · 09/05/2025 13:19

BlahBlahBittyBlah · 09/05/2025 13:04

This is how I decide where to draw the line when it comes to doing people regular favours. When I suspect withdrawing the favour goes from the response ‘no problem, thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me’, to how the ops sister is reacting here. And while the op can quit for any reason she likes, she’s doing it as she’s taken on even more caring responsibilities. Dsis is a pisstake

Ponderingwindow · 09/05/2025 13:56

Your sister and her husband are responsible for their own children. Between the two of them they can figure out childcare.

You asked for your obligation to be scaled back, but you really could tell them you need to stop entirely. If you burn out, it doesn’t sound like your sister is going to step up and help you with your mother and children. You need to protect yourself. You can still help you sister and her husband with actual emergencies and exceptional circumstances.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/05/2025 14:01

Is she not thanking you profusely for both looking after her child and taking on all of the care for your - joint! - mother?

dontcomeatme · 09/05/2025 14:29

This is my SIL. I've always been the bulk of childcare due to DC being similar ages, but now I have a new baby and it's not sustainable. I'm actually putting my DC in a different school because I'm sick of being the default everything. It's just expected, pick them up, make tea, entertain them all. It's too much

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