school one to one assistant - more like prison guard???

[Onemorecoffee77777]

So I helped out on a school trip today primary year 3. It was a lot of walking and where I was in the long line of children put me near an autistic boy and a couple of his friends and his one to one assistant. This little boy I think shows traits of ADHD or PDA - he is very argumentative and none stop taking. I don’t have his diagnosis but do have a ND child myself so recognise this a little but this is a guess but I do know he’s autistic.
The one to one assistant constantly corrected him - every little thing.
Mum says we walk past my house.
No we don’t walk part your house that is wrong. But mum said.
Well she got that wrong and I have told you now stop mentioning it.
He told his friend to stop calling him dude.
She replied don’t tell him that you’re wrong dude is a nice term.
He says he doesn’t like it.
She replies well you’re wrong and it’s a nice term now stop talking about it.
Literally every little thing out of this child’s mouth was corrected. Stuff that just didn’t need her to. And her tone was cold, quiet and just very much like a prison guard.
Tbh I would have flipped at someone doing this to me - let alone my child. And I’m NT.
How is ND child supposed to self regulate? So of course he didn’t and was crying his eyes out part way through trip.
Some children tried to comfort him. She said sternly and dismissively to leave him alone.
None of the other teachers or assistants seemed to think this was an issue.
The boy cried on floor till he then went and argued with her getting himself all worked up that his parents would take his iPad away. She told him that he’d deserve that and brought it on himself.
The whole thing just seemed like a failure set up for the boy. Basically poked with a stick till he exploded and then told he’s bad for doing it.
But maybe I am too soft and of course I do not know this boy or his family.
I just feel though that anyone being constantly corrected would snap - she actually reminded me of a boss I hated that I used to think was like a nasty prison guard! But this boy is clearly ND. It felt so wrong. But I’m a softie and not a teacher so no idea.

AIBU?

yes - you don’t know boy and should leave it alone

no - you need to report it to someone

With respect, this advice is basically something out of a “how to ensure abuse continues 101” manual.

You make a great point. As someone who works with children, I’ve always been told never to report abusive behavior unless I know absolutely everything about the adult and child involved, including their confidential medical records.

Oh wait, that’s not at all what we’ve been told.

Work out who the mum is and tell her everything. The school already know it’s happening and don’t care. If you complain to the school they will make the right noises and do nothing.

I've seen this kind of thing before, where a TA enjoys the controlling, power-holding part of the role far too much, to the detriment of the child. This woman sounds totally unsuited to the job and I think you should report exactly what you saw and heard in writing to the headteacher. Do not give a vague description or add in your own opinions. Just be 100% factual about everything she did and said, adding in the subsequent response from the child. Then leave it to the headteacher to deal with.

From the examples you've given which seem factual and not overly coloured with your own emotion, I would absolutely report this as a totally inappropriate way for any adult to interact with any child. There is very little positive there and much unnecessary negativity. I would be really dismayed to find my child was being treated like this (fortunately all his 1:1s were lovely and brought out the best in him).

I don't think it helps to turn a blind eye to adults who clearly need more training and someone keeping an eye on them. I had teachers who treated me with this kind of cold contempt and I can vouch for its leaving scars on the soul. It's a hard enough life, nobody needs someone who is meant to be supporting them just dragging them down more.

I think what you interpret as cold and quiet might be 'calm'. Lots of autistic children can't cope with bubbly noisy teachers and this type of voice is better.
I am not sure how you know the boy's diagnosis, his care plan or even if this person was his 1 to 1.
The examples you give do not prove your point.' No our route doesn't take us past your house' It is important for many SN children to know what is happening - no surprises. To let him think he is going to see his house when he won't, could be a trigger.
Telling him 'dude' is not a bad name, is again I think a wise call and averted another potential meltdown.
I know you mean well OP but honestly I don't think you have a clue.

I really like this idea. What a great way to give difficult feedback about someone, but ensuring it's not clouded by your own personal feelings on their behaviour. Great idea @Beaconsfire, I'm going to pinch it, thank you!