Children being left alone by ExH

[LolaMontez92]

I share two children with my exH, DD6 and DS5. Last night my DD told me that “Daddy leaves them home alone whilst he goes running, and he gave them a set of rules”.

ExH also has two large dogs, who I don’t trust (I lived with them
for 7 years), that would have also been left with the children.

A friend of mine also saw exH last week in a large supermarket. It was his day to have the kids but he was alone. He briefly chatted to my friend but no mention of where the kids were. Friend told me about this. DD and DS both readily confirmed that they had seen my friend at the supermarket, from outside, where they had been left in the car alone. This, according to DD happens often.

for context, he is a difficult man to communicate with. Tbh he’s a fucking arsehole and I’m absolutely livid that he would put our children at risk so he can go off for a run/do a food shop.

the kids aren’t old enough to be safe alone, if an emergency happened etc. I’ve had talks with them about 999 but I would never ever leave them alone in the house, especially not with dogs.

am I mad? I’m completely baffled by this. I don’t understand how anyone could think that’s ok.

By withholding contact. That's how. No one else can do it for her, and it's what SS would tell her to do.

again wrong….

you have zero idea. Only what an op writes on a page

you are giving dangerous advice

No, I'm really not. I work in MASH.

This

If it’s not court ordered it might be easier but I read all the time on here about women having to send their kids to abusers because otherwise they would get in trouble for parent alienation and could lose custody all together. So stopping visitation because of unproven suspicions might not go down well in court if it comes to that. However if you do have SS involved and they have witnessed the kids being left then that feels more robust.

then you should know that telling people on a forum to stop contact ( you did not know if court ordered or not when you posted) is not a wise thing to

women constantly use this forum to seek validation over these things….if you really were a professional you wouldn’t be acting so unprofessionally by posting on a forum about it!

You are just laughably wrong, but I'm not going to argue with stupid. By all means keep encouraging OP to knowingly keep sending her kids into danger.

I have to say I’ve been advised by front door for families Gp and police to withhold contact for safeguarding concerns, only to end up in court being seriously berated by a judge and having it used against me.
I know it’s the standard advice given, but once you get to court it can blow up in your face. I think a lot of professionals working in this area don’t realise that many judges literally don’t believe that advice like this gets given.
OP is in a very difficult situation here, I personally think the welfare check is an excellent idea if she knew when the ex was out running

This it's very unsafe for them.

I think you need to text him your concerns.
That the children have told you that he leaves them alone while he goes runni g with a set of rules.
Include your concerns about the two huge dogs in the house and that they are far too young to be left like this.

You have proof of it then and his response will be interesting.
Do it today. Don't answer the phone to him, far better that this is by text.

Then you reach out to SS and ask for advice.
Call Womens aid too for their advice as he is an arsehole and difficult.

You could also ask your children to tell their teachers as that would likely involve a SS referral.

Would you speak to their teachers too?
A school referral can be very helpful.

Not a cat in hells chance would I let them go there again. I hope you're not allowing him to collect them on Monday?

As far as I can see you have two options-

Report him anonymously to social services and school safeguarding team. Let them investigate and hope that is enough to end it. You could ask your neighbour to report him too.

Email or text him (so it’s in writing) and tell him you are aware he leaves the children alone and it is to stop or you will have to stop access for their safety. There’s obviously a few concerns with this one, firstly is he likely to get violent? could he refuse to return the children as payback? There’s also the fact that if he has PR he can just collect them from school and legally school can’t stop him. If you do go down this route I would still inform school and social services.

really feel for you op

Can I ask what the neighbour needs to report him for? What has the neighbours seen?

I would definitely do this.

You can try talking to him but I doubt he’ll listen and so perhaps this will shock him into not being a negligent parent.

Sorry it wasn’t a neighbour it was a friend who saw him alone in supermarket whe he has kids. I guess it depends if their knew the kids were in the car alone though.

The only advice any authority can give is don't send them and seek legal advice if you genuinely believe your children are at risk of harm. Obviously if you can talk to him, get him to see he's making a mistake, get him to change his ways and trust him to do so, then you would or should have tried that and come to an agreement about contact going forward. I can see decisions will be queried in court and you'd be asked to justify what you've done but in reality what else can you do if you genuinely believe there is a risk to the children and the only recourse is to prevent them going and seek legal advice.

You can do both things. Tell the school safeguarding lead and let them do a referral AND tell him in writing that the children have told you that he leaves them alone and as a result you will be withholding contact and seeking legal advice and get a solicitor.

It doesn’t have to be either or.

You can’t send them if you know this is unsafe but you also should notify safeguarding so you have backup for your allegation. Social services won’t care much but will have to record it.

I’ve reported to lead safeguard at school this morning. He has responded to my message from last night

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