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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Just need to vent…

12 replies

Friday2025 · 09/05/2025 01:49

This has been going on for YEARS now. Not sure why it’s suddenly come to a head tonight. I guess it’s just time.

Every day. Every single day. I stay awake until past midnight, if not 2am, even if I’m up at 5.50 the next day. Even though the rest of the house is asleep by 9-10 (except for eldest who stays up MUCH later, but only to accumulate more mess to clean up come the morning).

I force myself stay awake just to make sure the laundry is done and the dishwasher is done, and the rabbit is in bed, and the house is clean(ish) and then more dishwashing/laundry is done.

If I don’t drink, I’ll be asleep by 10, so I drink just to stay awake.

And then the next day, after 4 hours sleep, I’m up 30 minutes before I need to be just to make sure we can stay on top of it. To make sure the laundry is done and the dishwasher is done, and the house is cleanish. Just to take the edge off what’s to come the next day from the second I finish work.

I hate it, but I’m made to feel like it’s “my thing”. Like I get some enjoyment out of it.

And quite often I’m told not to do it. But if I don’t, who will? No-one. Nobody is in any hurry to actually do it. Nobody is willing to step up and do their share. They’d rather spend another hour on a screen than take a bit of this burden. So I’ll keep doing it.

It’s literally killing me. Day by day. Slicing hours from my life.
Every. Single. Day.

OP posts:

Eenameenadeeka · 09/05/2025 01:57

How old are the children? The eldest who is staying up very late.. they should be helping, everything should not be all on you.

FoxesBisQuit · 09/05/2025 02:17

It is going to be a hard habit to break. What is the worst that can happen if you clean every other day? You’re running yourself into the ground for an ideal that probably noone appreciates, and actually is not critical (other than rabbit care).

JustTalkToThem · 09/05/2025 02:18

you’re being a martyr.

Just. Stop. Doing. It.

JustTalkToThem · 09/05/2025 02:20

Also, if you need help with your drinking, there are places to go for help.

Clarabell77 · 09/05/2025 02:22

If I don’t drink, I’ll be asleep by 10, so I drink just to stay awake.

You’re drinking every single night? How much?

MumChp · 09/05/2025 02:23

JustTalkToThem · 09/05/2025 02:18

you’re being a martyr.

Just. Stop. Doing. It.

Stop drinking. Go to bed at 10 pm.

You need help.

don't know how the quote hapoened.

LurkyMcLurkinson · 09/05/2025 02:32

What motivation have you given for them not helping, as in what are the consequences if they don’t? How have they responded when you explain it’s not your thing and how you really feel? What support have you received about your relationship with alcohol? What happens if you do some of the tasks less frequently?

Pallisers · 09/05/2025 02:42

Look you need to look at this differently and need to see there are two different problems here.

One: You aren't drinking to stay awake to do essential work. You are drinking because you want to/it soothes something in you and you are saying you do it so you can do housework. This isn't true. You are drinking for another reason and you need to address this.

Two: Why is all the housework your problem and why does it take so long? I had three small children, a full time job and a house and I never needed to stay up till 2. What is going on here?

Honestly I think there is something wrong in your relationship and you are medicating with alcohol. You then blame the fact that you are doing all the housework. But these are two separate problems and the alcohol one is the one that will impact you more. please mind yourself.

Agix · 09/05/2025 06:19

God, stop being a martyr and just stop doing it? "Oh who will if I don't?!" I dunno, someone else, when they need to? Or no one will, and no one will care? Or no one will, someone will care, world still won't explode.

Just stop doing it. Make sure the rabbit is in bed, and go to sleep.

Pelicanpolly · 09/05/2025 06:24

Pallisers · 09/05/2025 02:42

Look you need to look at this differently and need to see there are two different problems here.

Two: Why is all the housework your problem and why does it take so long? I had three small children, a full time job and a house and I never needed to stay up till 2. What is going on here?

This. How much mess is being created in the ?4 hrs between end of coming home from work and the 9pm bed?
If they are at home from school without you and making a mess, they're old enough to be tidying/animal care.

DoAWheelie · 09/05/2025 06:27

Just stop. No one will die from smelly socks or having to wash a plate themselves before they can eat.

You might die from lack of sleep and alcohol abuse though.

Housework is not worth the strain this is putting on your body. So what if it doesn't get done? Let it happen.

If they can't cope living without the chores done, then they'll start doing them. They won't take that option until it's forced on them though.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 09/05/2025 06:31

Go to bed at 10pm every night from now on.

You will feel amazing after just two weeks of doing this.

Just do the chores as and when you can. Like everyone else. If they don't get finished on some days, oh well. So what?

But make 10pm bed time your absolute and final unbreakable boundary.

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