Would you do it?

[luckycat888]

I’m planning to leave London (my home of 24 years and my DH’s only ever home) to return to the place I grew up and where my family still live. We could sell up and go (almost) mortgage free and give my DD an arguably better life in the country, close (10-15 mins) from grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. We could also give her a private education with fees being cheaper than London and using the money I’d be saving not having to pay mortgage interest. Sounds like a winner right? But I feel very uneasy about taking my DH away from all he’s ever known, the slower pace of life (that we may not get used to) and us both “giving up” all roots we’ve established here and the beautiful home we’ve worked hard for (new house won’t be as nice). My head tells me that it’s just a house and time with family is more important, and especially for my DD to see her grandparents as much as possible as they are both approaching 90. Work will be a long commute back to London but for now only 2 days per week, 1 for DH. It’s a really big decision and I’m so scared I’ll get this wrong. DH and 4 year old would prefer to stay but I feel like life would be better for us in the long run. Thoughts?

What age is DD, tell us about your lives now, what do you love about it, how do you spend your time?

Well sounds like you've decided on behalf of your husband already. I wouldn't do it, I grew up in the country and hated it, I never wanted that for DC. I also don't think being 10 mins from my spouse's entire family sounds very appealing. So no, I wouldn't, but I'm not you, so you clearly have some convincing to do.

Could you stay during the school holidays, and 'try before you buy'? Try to make life as normal as possible, rather than treating it as a holiday. Do the commute to work, for example.

I would be financially better off had I stayed where I'm from, I moved from country to city. You'd have to drag me back. Financially I might be worse off, but I love living here.

We did it, and have never regretted it (I was the Londoner, we came back to where DH grew up).

However, I was fully on board with the decision and it sounds like your DH isn't. It's really him you need to be discussing this with.

There are aspects of London living that I certainly do miss, but the advantages completely outweigh those gaps. We have a much better house, sent DS to a wonderful private school, were close to parents as they aged, and benefitted from all the reasons you give in your OP.

i grew up 8n a village and loved it. DD grew up in a much more remote village we moved to. Also loved it. Your sample of one doesn’t really tell us much (though neither does my sample of two).

Could you rent out your London house while you live for a year in the village and decide?

I moved from London to a small town in Sussex 30-odd years ago and have never regretted it for a minute.

People are friendly, crime rate is incredibly low, there's more to do than I ever imagined, lovely countryside on the doorstep and 15 minutes drive from the sea. I wouldn't go back if you paid me.

Do you only have the one daughter OP, as I'm surprised a 4 year old wouldn't love the idea of moving to the countryside? If this is the case, and your only child is 4, then I honestly don't think that she's likely to benefit that much from spending time with her grandparents if they're approaching 90, as it's unlikely they'll have much energy to be running around after a 4 year old. However, I do think that she would benefit from country living, unless you're planning on living very remote, as then things get difficult with transport and school, etc. which presumably you experienced yourself. It actually sounds like you will be the one who benefits least, if you have to travel long distance 2 days a week. I think you really need to get to the bottom of why your DH isn't keen on the idea, as it would be very unfair to force it upon him, when he's never lived that sort of life.

Thanks for all your comments. DH doesn’t want to go but will go along with whatever I decide, but I don’t want him to resent me if I get this wrong. I’ve tried to offer up positives like mortgage free living but he’s just too comfortable where we are now. He doesn’t have much keeping him here though. He can work remotely, doesn’t see friends much and not close to his family in London.

When I say “country” it’s actually a university city with lots to do, just surrounded by country - so country from a Londoners perspective 😂

DH gets on with my family but I’ll make sure we’re a 15 min drive away so they can’t just pop round etc.

4 yo is starting school in Sep so now is a good time to move if we do. Would be nice for her to get to know her grandparents and vice versa - just a weekly lunch or something before that option is taken from us.

@BakelikeberthaYou’re right it’s unfair to force it upon him but I do feel his reasons are more “can’t be arsed” whereas I have listed out a lot of benefits for us as a family if we leave. The commuting is a hassle yes but if we’re not tied to a mortgage it would give us freedom to change jobs to something we enjoy or even retire early. I am still really worried about what we’d be giving up tho.

@OhisitjustmeRenting out our house isn’t an option as I need the money for a new house

@tilypuTry before we buy will be difficult as I don’t want DD to move schools once she’s settled

@GoditsmemargaretWe live in a very lovely part of Greater London currently. Commute is less than 45 mins for both of us (which is good for London!). We like the community where we live, have friends but dotted about all over different parts of London. I’m very close to my family don’t see my family much (every 1-2 months if lucky). M-F all we do is work and pay bills incl a hefty mortgage. Sometimes I dislike my job but can’t quit due to the life we’ve built. We do a lot of days out with DD on weekends.

I agree. My parents were Londoners but moved to a market town before I was born. I grew up in said town but my dad used to take me on day trips to London a lot. As soon as I was old enough I moved out and moved back to London! HATED growing up in a boring town. Sure, there was countryside which made for nice walks in summer but that didn’t make up for the lack of things to do, the small mindedness, the prejudice (overwhelmingly white there and suspicious of outsiders especially if they weren’t white) and the lack of job opportunities.

Underage drinking and drugs were also rife as there was so little to do for teenagers. Everyone I know who grew up in a town says similar. If you’re thinking by leaving London you’d escape drugs and crime, think again!

It sounds like you enjoy your lifestyle OP. I wouldn't move.

I grew up in a pretty village, surrounded by other quaint villages, beautiful views, and rolling fields. God, it was dull. Especially during the teenage years.

I still dream of living in a city.

I wouldn't do it