To wonder why I can't stop thinking about this man at work?

[Whybirdy]

There's a man i work with and despite having zero sexual attraction, having no desire to get to know him better and not knowing him much at all I can't stop thinking about him! I wonder what he's up to, when I do see him I get butterflies and chat absolute shite (then ruminate on it forever more and cringe). He isn't my 'type' at all, not particularly interesting and as much as I'm sure he's nice enough I don't know him enough to even know that.

So why?! What irrational part of my brain is driving this? How do I stop it? He's actually leaving soon which will undoubtedly hopefully help as out of sight out of mind, but I don't often see him now and no doubt ill feel irrationally sad about it. Has anyone else had similar?

Because you like him (for whatever reason).
It’ll stop when he leaves and won’t see him anymore.

Im not very helpful am i😬

Just sounds like you have a bit of a crush on him. It's nothing to worry about. Are you both married?

Chemistry

Does he remind you of someone in your past? Like maybe way back, family members or an exciting schoolmate?

Sounds like you have a bit of a crush/infatuation. Totally normal, even if you're in a happy relationship, and will inevitably disappear if you don't act on it or feed it.

I'm fairly recently single following a 10 year relationship, no idea about him and never thought to probe as I don't (consciously anyway...) want to get to know him better/pursue anything.

That's a good point, looks wise I don't think so- when I first saw him there was no familiarity really but a good point and possibly without me realising!

You say there’s zero sexual attraction but from your description this seems like slight sexual attraction!

Easily ignored.

Interesting!
When you chat to him, how do you feel? Does he really listen to you and seem interested in what you have to say/your thoughts, opinions etc?
Is he around your age or a bit older…?

Does he pay special attention to you, even in subtle ways such smiling a lot, extra eye contact? If so you may just be responding to someone being interested in you.

Around the same age AFAIK, as i say I don't know him that well which makes it more annoying/pathetic! We haven't even had a tonne of conversations really which is why its annoying it feels so consuming- but yeah he was listening and seemed interested enough to remember what we'd spoken about the previous time (if that makes sense). Perhaps thinking about it been a while since a man as a friend or otherwise has seemed bothered by what I'm saying 😂

Not sure really as no idea what he's like with other people, I guess yeah he's smiley and eye contactey

Based on you saying he remembered what you had said previously and seemed interested in you as a person I'm guessing he is gay OP. 😂
Seriously though I had a similar thing after a long relationship ended and it's just your body waking up to the fact you're single again. When you've been in a relationship so long and not actively looking at men in the same way you do when you're single that first crush can hit you hard. Just let it run it's course and if your are sad when he leaves that's ok. Could you find out through others whether he is or isn't gay or is in a relationship?? It could be the start of something.........

I can totally relate to this! I am exactly the same about a bloke from work. He shows zero interest in me and if anything, is a bit unfriendly. I however, have practically invented a whole relationship for us in my head!! I think in my case, it's cos it makes work more interesting really and fills a bit of an excitement void in my life.

Do you have a relationship with someone at the moment that is not going as well as you hoped?

Beware of looking for an 'escape route' from something you are going through now.

I think when you say there is zero attraction or desire to get to know him, you are massively in denial. You clearly fancy him. You just don’t want to believe it because he isn’t your usual type.

Sorry, there’s not a chance in hell you don’t fancy him. Of course you do. Bizarre you claim not to and have no interest whatsoever.

OP, everything you say about ‘butterflies’, obsessive rumination, talking nonsense around him etc suggests that you’re wrong about fee,ing no sexual attraction towards him. You sound as if you fancy him like mad!

Who was your first big crush? Even if it was a celebrity? I ask because I was inexplicably and very strongly attracted to.someone who I didn't see as my type and I suddenly realised that he reminded me of the actor who played Romeo in Zeferelli's Romeo and Juliet (Leonard Whiting), who was a very major crush for me as a teenager. I also had to acknowledge that I was feeling pretty invisible and under appreciated at the time, which is probably while the crush had room to grow. It was a bit of excitement.
Once I worked all this out, the crush faded.