Am I going mad ? Anxious about where my kids are at any given time

[notloke]

I am just wondering if anyone can relate to this..

I have two little ones, 3 and 5 and I work full time. Some days from home, other days in the office. My kids go to preschool and school 5 days a week.

someone takes them to school for me when I go to the office on 3 days a week and I take them 2 days a week.

I always pick them up.

anyway here to my problem - several times a day I panic about where they are, who took them to school and I mentally retrace my steps every day, several times a day.

I then confuse myself - did I take them today ? Did I get a text to say they’re both safely at school ? It’s really stressful and happens several times a day.

is this just normal ?

No it's not normal imo. Do you have any particular reason to worry that something may have happened to them?

I agree, it is not normal. Are you struggling with brain fog? If you trust the people that takes them to school, are there any other worries in your life that make you unconsciously worry that your children are not safe?

No that isn't normal, especially when they are at an age when they are constantly supervised and won't be going anywhere without an adult. Definite need to sort these feelings out before they get beyond that stage!

It sounds like you're having intrusive thoughts that you somehow left them at home or something? A CBT approach might help, I found The Feeling Good Handbook by David D Burns very helpful for anxious feelings.

I just worry that I have forgotten them or something? You know when you read those stories about parents being on autopilot and forgetting their kids in hot cars. I guess I just worry that I’ll somehow forget them.

it Has never happened. I’ve never forgotten them.

I thought you were going to be a Mum of teens or DCs at uni!

Not normal when your DCs are never on their own, no.

Thanks guys for your opinions. It’s annoying. I’m also increasingly worried they’ll get lost at school somehow. But that’s not the worst of my worries.

@notloke why not create a visible timetable and pop it on your wall beside your desk at work or beside your desk at home so that you can just look up and see that today they were dropped off by the childminder. Etc I would also look into going to the doctor perhaps getting your bloods checked. What age are you? could it be peri menopause/foggy brain kind of a thing or has this always happened?

No it’s not normal and kindly, I’d advise you seek help for your anxiety.
i suffered severe anxiety when my oldest DS was a teen. It robbed me of years of my life and could easily have ruined my relationship with him.
If he was late home I’d be convinced he was bound and gagged in the boot of some weirdos car! I would phone him hourly while he was out with friends to check up on him.
Don’t let it drag on for years, it becomes all consuming and crippling.
CBT helped me in the end.

I think it's useful to remember that even if someone dropped the ball (they "escaped" from school or nursery, you left them in a hot car), the likelihood is that someone with good intentions would step in and take care of them or contact the police. Yes, there are a few incidents that have tragic consequences, but there are many more where a child escapes from a negligent school or nursery (and I'm assuming you trust yours) and is rescued by a member of the public because most people notice and step in to protect unaccompanied children. Similarly, car deaths are much more likely in the US (assuming you're in the UK) because the heat is much more extreme and everything is more spread out so there is less chance of someone noticing your child in the car. Most people will intervene if they see a child potentially in danger or keep an eye on a potentially unaccompanied child until the parent reappears. That is not to say traffic deaths and James Bulger-type situations don't occur but they are quite rare.

I think this is an unhealthy level of anxiety OP. Are you feeling overwhelmed juggling kids and work? Perhaps it would be a good idea to have a chat with your GP about the anxiety you're experiencing and where it's coming from.

No, I don't think this is normal. I would speak to your GP or look if there is self referral to mental health services in your area. It could be something like anxiety or OCD.

Not normal - agree with pp, talk to your doctor

Nope, not normal

Hey, I could have written this post myself. It sounds like you are having intrusive thoughts, speak to
your GP about this they can help. I was diagnosed with OCD. My anxiety’s revolve heavily around my kids and my brain constantly puts scenarios in my head such as yours when I’m not the adult in charge of them (while I’m at work) they are 7 and 8 now and I still struggle but there are therapies and medication to help.

I think to an extent this is normal and it is your minds way of ensuring we don’t forget important things by reinforcing them. So a healthy amount of worrying is a normal protective measure!

But it sounds like the degree to which this is intruding into your thoughts is excessive. Is this the only thing that you overly worry about? If so maybe you need some system for checking this off so you can put it out of your mind (for e.g used to take a photo of my hair-straighteners turned off after I used them because I worried about leaving them on!).

If it is wider anxiety over different issues you might need some CBT or similar.

Hello can’t advise whether this is normal or not but I too share the same thoughts, so you’re not totally alone. I only have the one child and they’re not school age yet but I often worry I’ve forgotten to drop them off at their childcare. I also often worry that something awful is going to happen when they are not with me despite the fact I have full faith in who ever is looking after them that day (childminder/nursery/grandparent) and work in education so know just how much attention and care is put in to keeping children safe. Reading these comments has helped me see that maybe we both could do with some help.

Is that ocd? I was like that when mine were younger it’s awful. Used to imagine them falling downstairs or being stuck in house fires or car crashes. I didn’t sleep well for years

It's not normal but I totally understand. We had an incident where we temporarily lost DC1 (age 3 at the time) at a local festival type thing. I don't know how long for, probably 5-10 mins really but it felt like forever and everything was going through my head in that time.
That was over 10 years ago now. It was only a few years ago I finally stopped worrying about unaccompanied toilet trips when in a restaurant etc, but I do still worry now about a lot of things I really shouldn't

This sounds like the kind of thing I have experienced. I had post natal OCD with both my children and sometimes it rears its head again.

I can relate. I am constantly going over the morning activities once I’ve finally got to work and sat down to check all is in order and who did drop off / who will do pick up. Was / is it me…
I put this down to working full time and being a mother ! The load is huge and the merry go round is constant !
normal or not ? I’d say it’s normal in today’s society where your expected to do everything and can no longer run an average household on one average wage so both parents are working whilst trying their best to parent, whilst losing precious quality time because you are at work.