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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I the weird one?

35 replies

ToadRage · 08/05/2025 09:16

I have noticed over the years if my in-laws are visiting us or we are visiting them if someone is putting the kettle on to make drinks, I am left out because i don't like hot drinks. Is it really so hard to offer me a soft drink that i know they have, while they are having tea and coffee? It's the same at dinner, it is totally alien to me to have hot drinks with dinner, not to mention having to excuse myself half way through to get my own drink. It also happens with dessert, if i am not having what they are having i get nothing. I complained to my husband and he has improved a little but if his parents are doing it, it never changes.

OP posts:

BobbyBiscuits · 08/05/2025 10:06

If I knew the person didn't drink tea, coffee or alcohol then they'd probably get water at mine.
I would never think to buy in soft drinks for others and I only occasionally have a can of coke at home.
It seems odd your complaining about drinks being served in your own house? I'd just help myself whenever I wanted.
Next time you visit them just bring a bottle of pop and help yourself to it?

SelinaPlace · 08/05/2025 10:09

ToadRage · 08/05/2025 09:54

I was raised to believe its rude to ask for something when its not been offered. I mainly drink Coke and they always have that around cos his Mum drinks it. Re. dessert, i am not expecting them to go out of their way but if i am hosting i say if you don't want this would your prefer that, there is always an alternative.

Edited

Well, surely you’re adult enough to have realised we don’t have to abide by what we were raised to think?

I, for instance, was raised to think it was rude to accept any food or drink at the first offer. Only at the third offer is it ok to say ‘Yes, I’d love a cup of tea’. You may imagine my shock when, aged 17 and au pairing in France I turned down dessert twice on my first few dinners with the family, and was aghast that it wasn’t offered a third time, and that, as I’d refused several times in a row, they stopped offering as they thought I just didn’t like sweet things. Not everyone abides by your childhood rules, or thinks that Coke is a normal drink for adults to have with a meal. .

LakieLady · 08/05/2025 10:13

I find it a hit strange that people have no other soft drink than water. I mean drinking water comes from the tap so it's there by default rather than having to buy...so hardly welcoming.

The only "soft drink" you're likely to find in my house is tonic water, or occasionally sparkling water if I'm in a spritzer phase.

I found a bottle of coke the other day, that I must have bought because someone who drinks coke was visiting. It had a "best before" date of some time in 2009.

I don't know any adults who drink soft drinks, and all my friends' children are grown up.

CaptainFuture · 08/05/2025 10:13

I have noticed over the years if my in-laws are visiting us or we are visiting them if someone is putting the kettle on to make drinks, I am left out because i don't like hot drinks.
What, you're complaining about people not serving you the drinks you want in your own home?! 😆

WomanOfSteel · 08/05/2025 10:27

Comedycook · 08/05/2025 09:24

They have hot drinks with meals? That's unusual. They sound rather useless at hosting.... unfortunately you'll have to ask if you need a drink.

Haven’t you ever had a cup of tea with a chippy dinner? I usually have a green tea with my tea. I’ve just had a hot chocolate with my breakfast as well. I am northern. 😆

Comedycook · 08/05/2025 10:36

WomanOfSteel · 08/05/2025 10:27

Haven’t you ever had a cup of tea with a chippy dinner? I usually have a green tea with my tea. I’ve just had a hot chocolate with my breakfast as well. I am northern. 😆

Show quote history

Gosh no never! I have a coffee if I eat breakfast...but if I had fish and chips I'd have a glass of orange squash or juice. I drink hot drinks but throughout the day rather than with meals

mrsm43s · 08/05/2025 10:41

With the drinks, just ask for a glass of water when they're asking if people want hot drinks, and grab a glass/jug of water before sitting down at the table. I think it's a bit rude/odd to expect to be served Coke all the time, tbh. Surely most people wouldn't drink multiple glasses of Coke per day? It's a treat drink, in the same way as a mars bar or a bag of crisps would be treat snacks, not to be consumed in vast quantities throughout the day.

Regarding dessert - you get offered one, and you take it or leave it in this house. I can't imagine anyone expecting me to make two desserts in case they were feeling fussy and refused the first one offered.

WomanOfSteel · 08/05/2025 10:47

Comedycook · 08/05/2025 10:36

Gosh no never! I have a coffee if I eat breakfast...but if I had fish and chips I'd have a glass of orange squash or juice. I drink hot drinks but throughout the day rather than with meals

Show quote history

My grandparents always used to make a cup of tea when we’d been to the chip shop. With other meals they wouldn’t mash until after we’d eaten (apart from breakfast). Dandelion and burdock goes best with chips (or a lager). I suppose I have my cold drinks during the day. I’ve never really thought on it. 🤷🏼‍♀️

LoveIndubitably · 08/05/2025 10:57

Demanding two puddings kind of makes me think you're BU, OP!

If I've made a cake or dessert and you don't like it then tough... unless it's an allergy which I would have catered to.

I always have a cup of tea with a meal as well.

LittleBitofBread · 08/05/2025 11:43

SelinaPlace · 08/05/2025 09:35

This. People think of hot drinks as a different mental category to soft drinks, and it won’t necessarily occur to someone to substitute Coke or Sprite or something for tea or coffee. Are you saying you drink a soft drink with dinner? I have to say it would never occur to me to offer anything other than water with a meal, unless it was wine.

I’m not sure I understand about dessert. Surely at someone else’s house, there’s only a single dessert? If you don’t like it, you don’t get dessert?

Show quote history

Are you having a laugh? People really struggle to think about hot drinks at the same time as thinking about soft drinks, in the context of having people round and offering them drinks?

And it may never have occurred to you to offer a soft drink with dinner but – brace yourself – it does occur to some of us: I usually get in something like a posh sparkling fruit juice when I'm having people over, for those who won't want to drink alcohol. Sometimes my friends also bring over soft drinks and we have those with our meal. I know, wild!

Having said that, I don't know why the OP can't just say when asked, 'I'd love a soft drink, if you've got anything.'

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