DH wants to join on company trip

[buzzbuzz2025]

Recently, I've been asked to travel overseas - to exotic locations- on company work. Its often just for 2 days or 3. DH wants to join on the next trip. He will of course pay for all his costs, but join me at breakfast and maybe dinner and on the flight. Wants to explore the land on his own while I'm at meetings. I find it irritating. When its work, I like it to be work. To be professional. Not to have a partner join me at breakfast when other people from work are also at the same hotel. I also don't want to nagging feeling of having to look out for family while at work. These are not leisure trips, I'm often leading meetings and just don't want family. I also don't want to extend the trip to a few more days and convert a part of it to a holiday. I just don't feel comfortable with it- and I'm busy. Am I being unreasonable?

Nope! I travel for work and I wouldn't want anyone joining me. Half the joy is going solo and enjoying some peace and quiet!

Not at all, it's work and perfectly understandable.

You're in work mode.

Tell him it's not appropriate, especially as you're expected to socialise with people for work outside the meeting/conference hours.

Is he in the habit of embarrassing you?

It's nothing to do with not enjoying his company. It's a work trip, entirely inappropriate to try and turn it into a family holiday!

I travel for work as does my DH and we often meet at the end of the work trip. We never meet up during work time though but tag days onto the end. Its great and we get some wonderful long weekends away. Doesnt sound like you want to though which is your choice, just tell him that.

I'm imagining how it'll go. You'll be tired from being 'on' with work all day. Your partner will want to talk to you about what they've seen and done (because theyve had no one to share it with).

Both of you will end up frustrated, he'll feel neglected,you'll feel frazzled... Sounds great!

(Think he might be better off spending the money on a different 'holiday')

Absolutely YANBU!

I would hate that, not that DH would dream of suggesting it (he has enough long haul work trips without joining mine).

Although I've seen similar threads on here before where the OP is told it's a great idea and totally acceptable - not sure if that was maybe the other way round though, as being MN there would be a lot more support for a female insisting on gatecrashing her DH's trip of course.

OP, you’re not being at all unreasonable - your DH is wanting to blur the boundaries between home life and working life. You will just have to tell him it’s not a jolly, and that you will have work and prep to do. Also, I would find it very odd on a work thing if there were a stray spouse tagging along for meals. Could you compromise, and get him to join you for a few extra days at the end of the trip, or don’t you want that either? I can totally understand, though, your not wanting him there during a work thing.

I don’t think either of you is unreasonable, but ultimately it’s your job so you just need to tell him that it’s not an option. Maybe he could fly out and join you afterwards?

It's not a definitively unreasonable idea but I do think that expecting you to make yourself available for breakfast/dinner is unrealistic. these trips often involve informal socialising with colleagues, plus in my experience they can be exhausting and ll you want to do is collapse with some room service at the end. And breakfast... honestly, even if it's 100% above board which just LOOK odd to colleagues.

A nice compromies can be to tack a few days on at the end. We've done that.

I also used to know a woman who used to go with her DH on trips liek this - but he travelled for work a LOT for a start. But also, she always said it was so fab as he'd be super busy, socialising etc, so she'd just enjoy the hotel facilities, do some sightseeing, order room service etc so it was a lovely break for her and then they'd usually tack a weekend on at the end. But he did stay in super high end hotels! That probably impacted her happiness to hang out alone for a few days!

Christ no ... shut that right down OP. What is he thinking! Is he retired? Has he got some mates he can go away with?

Your colleagues will think he's a weirdo that doesn't trust you.

It's a no from me, I have a colleague who does this and it does look really unprofessional. You also end up sitting with 'Dave' at breakfast, and then he ends up coming out at dinner and it's awkward because he shouldn't really be included in the bill, but it seems rude to ask him to pay his own, and, and and...

I don't think he is unreasonable for the most part. I think I'd be tempted myself by an exotic location. But neither are you.

Not sure what you can do to put him off though without friction.

Ugh, no. He can spend the same money on a solo holiday. I get he feels he's 'missing out' but - he needs to grow up a bit!

Dh and I are in the same industry so not infrequently attend the same events. And that's annoying enough! 😂

DH has come out to join me for a weekend when I’ve been abroad but it was different in that it was a long term overseas assignment so my company paid for him to come out (or me to go home). I think it’s very different if you’re there for a few days, not least as these trips tend to be quite intense and it’s not unusual, at least on my trips, for breakfast/dinner/drinks to be part of the ‘work’ too.

At best i'd consider letting him go and sharing the room but be firm no meals together as it's a work trip for you and for the most part a solo holiday for him.

Just say you ran it by your manager and they told you they’d prefer he didn’t join .